They call me the Anti-Christ

It had been almost two years since Sam had stood in the doorway to Lana's home. Two years since he had wished her goodbye to go off and fight the devil. Fifteen months since he had sent her his Ipod with a goodbye audio file on it. And apparently when he had come out without a soul, he either had not come back, or he had but had screwed up royally.

Either way, now that he was himself again, he knew he needed to see her. He needed to let her know he was alive and that the devil was gone. To see just how her life had changed after that, and most of all, to just see if she was happy.

Leaving his brother at the motel a few towns over, Sam parked the Impala on the street and walked up to her door, and knocked on it gently. He turned a bit to look around the neighborhood as he waited for her to answer, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

He just hoped this wasn't a big mistake.

ooc: follows this conversation with Dean

Leaving his brother, Sam made his way over to Lana's. It was weird, knowing that he was going over to her place and planning on really admitting how he felt. Especially after they had fought about him denying this to her. His fears because no matter what happened between them, she was still going to be giving birth to his brother's child.

It still hurt his head to think about this. It was like some really bad soap opera script, but without Dr. Sexy and his cowboy boots to make everything better before the next drama started.

But he liked Lana. He really did, and he enjoyed spending time with her. It was obvious to all of them apparently that there was something between him and her. It was only his fears, apparently, that had held them back. And now Dean was almost literally kicking his ass about it.

Almost like Dean was giving Sam his blessing. Which, again... weird.

He had no idea where this was going to go. It could all go terribly wrong and maybe they weren't meant to have this. She might hate him once they started dating. He might end up hating her. But he didn't know, and to find out meant he needed to get rid of that barrier he had put up between them.

Well, the first thing he had to do was knock on her door. Which he did, leaning in the doorway and waiting for her to answer so he could apologize for being an ass and figure out what they were going to do next.

It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow

Sam owed a lot to his brother these last two months. It felt like Dean had given up his life to take care of his pain in the ass little brother. Between the withdrawal symptoms making Sam sicker than he had ever felt some days, plus the dread in waiting for the other demonic shoe to drop... maybe it was easier to just take care of him than worry about what was to come.

Part of taking care of Sam seemed to involve the promise of them passing through Smallville on occasion, just so Sam could spend anywhere from a few hours to a day with Lana. It was part of his mental health that needed it... plus Sam missed Lana so much when they were on the road, unable to talk beyond a phone call or text message.

The stop in Smallville this time was not something Sam knew was going to happen, so Lana had no idea that they were in town. Dean had checked them into a motel - two separate rooms - and told Sam they had two days and he didn't expect to see Sam for most of it (but to check in).

Sam held his cell phone in his hand a moment to call Lana and let her know, then stopped himself. A smirk came to his face as he thought about something that Lana had always strongly hinted at wanting to do.

He'd be embarrassed by the thought of doing what he was about to do, but he had nothing else to do, and he really wanted to see her as soon as possible.

Which would be the reason why Sam appeared at her office building, a trench coat pulled tight around him as he strolled to the hall where her corner office was. He talked with her secretary, and she recognized his name from all the times Lana had talked about him. Lana was at a meeting, but the secretary was willing to help him in his romantic notions.

They closed the shades, turned down the lights, and Sam reclined in one of the guest chairs just hidden from the entrance so that Lana wouldn't see him until she closed the door. And her secretary would leave for lunch when she got back, closing and locking the outer doors as she left so that they wouldn't be disturbed during a very special lunch meeting.

ooc: Dean referred to here is winchesterjerk, abusedused with permission.

After Dean was out of the hospital, Sam had continued his hovering in the motel as Dean recovered. Asking him every five minutes if he needed something. Wanted something. Finally, around day 2 of this, Dean gave Sam a look and told him that Sam needed to go out and get some air before he suffocated him.

Of course, he threatened to kill Sam if he did so much as scratch the Impala.

Sam decided to take a drive. Fresh air, open road, music on the Ipod that sat in the passenger seat so that he could detach it and not freak Dean out again with it's presence. He didn't have any place really in mind as to where he was going, but as he passed the road sign announcing his arrival in Smallville, Kansas, did Sam recognize his unconscious path.

Finding Lana's place was easy. Walking to her door was a bit harder, and suddenly he just felt the weight of the world on his shoulders because of everything that had been happening and life was spinning out of control and he just needed something.

Something Dean couldn't give him. Something even Ruby couldn't give him. And so he turned to the only other person he knew that could.

He rang the bell, and just stood there, hoping Lana was home and alone. Because otherwise they might witness at very tall man breaking down like a baby in her arms.