Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2010-05-14 12:10 pm
likely_evil) wrote2010-05-14 12:10 pm
Letters: Lana
ooc: Dean is ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
winchesterjerk
The night before it all went down, Sam tucked letters away that he was writing while Dean was out getting dinner. But as he got to Lana's, his fingers just tapped on the paper until finally he tossed it down. He looked over at his stuff on the dresser and got up, grabbing the Ipod off the top. He looked for the recording function, then sat at the edge of the bed. He hesitated for a moment, then hit start...
"Hey Lana... I know this is a sad excuse for a letter, and I know you're always going to hate me for never calling you with this but I don't think I could say goodbye if you were standing in front of me. But I have to, no matter how much I don't want to.
I warned you once that I was only going to bring your pain and heartbreak. We started this crazy ride anyway and I will never regret a single moment of it. You... you taught me how to love again after I though I couldn't anymore. And god you loved me more than I thought I ever deserved. You saw me at my worst and for some crazy reason you didn't run away screaming. You helped me keep my head and you really helped me stay strong when I thought I was going to break.
*long pause and a sigh* It's been over a year, Lana... and knowing I'm going to be leaving you hurts more than I... *another pause as he's trying to keep his composure* but I have to do this. I let him out, and it's only right that I put him back in. I know... I know I promised that after we defeated Lucifer that I was going to come back to you. But if I don't do this... there's going to be nothing for either of us to call home.
I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I would be able to, and I can't risk letting you suffer for my mistakes. You're an amazing woman and you're going to make some man very happy. You did me. *deep breath* And when I do this, I know that there are people who love me and I'll have that love to hold onto and...
*sniffle* There's a song on this Ipod that I listened to a lot after Jess died... and I... Dean calls it my emo music but I think you'll see why it helped me.
*clears his throat, and then starts to sing softly and as close to on key as he can* I'm already there... don't make a sound... I'm the beat in your heart... I'm the moonlight shining down... *pauses and another sniffle* I'm a whisper in the wind... and I'll be there till the end... Can you feel the love that we share... cause I'm already there...
*another deep breath* I love you Lana, and I wish I was going to be here to love you forever. I... I won't ever forget you. Nothing in hell will ever be able to tear you from me. But I don't want you to mourn me, ok? You have so much love to give... and I want you to be happy and find someone who can return it to you. Someone who can always be there and make you feel as loved as you made me.
Tell Chloe that I will always thank her for bringing you along for that double date. She changed my world that day, and you... you changed my life for the better. The man I am today is because of the strength you gave me. And while I know this is going to hurt more than anything you've felt... I hope after awhile you will understand why it had to be me, and maybe even be proud of me in doing it.
I love you. I... I can't stop saying it because I do and I know once I hit stop you won't even be able to hear me say it again. God Lana I love you. *you can tell he's crying now* I love you and I wish I could just hold you in my arms and kiss you and let you see just how much but like I said, if I was there I wouldn't want to leave. I'd just hold onto you for dear life and try to will the world away.
*another pause as he tries to get his composure back* I really don't want to leave you, but I know this is what has to be done. But I love you, Lana. Thank you for loving me too. And... keep in touch with my brother. He'll... he'll take care of you.
I love you and...
*door opens and Dean's voice is next as there is a rustle from Sam hiding the Ipod* Why is it that the best Mexican food places always have no one who speaks English working there? I hope they got your food right, but don't blame me if it's wrong
I'm sure it'll be fine, Dean.
You ok, Sammy? Not sitting around listening to your emo crap and writing down your memoirs, right?
Nah, I'm good. Just thinking.
Well stop. You'll give yourself indigestion and I don't want to deal with that too.
*sound of walking across the room and a door closing. more rustling and Sam is holding the ipod again.* I love you Lana... now and forever... *deep breath* Goodbye.
*and it clicks off*
In his stuff along with other letters, the Ipod has a rubber band wrapped around it with the words Give to Lana on it, and the letter shows Lana how to find the voice memo waiting for her.
winchesterjerkThe night before it all went down, Sam tucked letters away that he was writing while Dean was out getting dinner. But as he got to Lana's, his fingers just tapped on the paper until finally he tossed it down. He looked over at his stuff on the dresser and got up, grabbing the Ipod off the top. He looked for the recording function, then sat at the edge of the bed. He hesitated for a moment, then hit start...
"Hey Lana... I know this is a sad excuse for a letter, and I know you're always going to hate me for never calling you with this but I don't think I could say goodbye if you were standing in front of me. But I have to, no matter how much I don't want to.
I warned you once that I was only going to bring your pain and heartbreak. We started this crazy ride anyway and I will never regret a single moment of it. You... you taught me how to love again after I though I couldn't anymore. And god you loved me more than I thought I ever deserved. You saw me at my worst and for some crazy reason you didn't run away screaming. You helped me keep my head and you really helped me stay strong when I thought I was going to break.
*long pause and a sigh* It's been over a year, Lana... and knowing I'm going to be leaving you hurts more than I... *another pause as he's trying to keep his composure* but I have to do this. I let him out, and it's only right that I put him back in. I know... I know I promised that after we defeated Lucifer that I was going to come back to you. But if I don't do this... there's going to be nothing for either of us to call home.
I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I would be able to, and I can't risk letting you suffer for my mistakes. You're an amazing woman and you're going to make some man very happy. You did me. *deep breath* And when I do this, I know that there are people who love me and I'll have that love to hold onto and...
*sniffle* There's a song on this Ipod that I listened to a lot after Jess died... and I... Dean calls it my emo music but I think you'll see why it helped me.
*clears his throat, and then starts to sing softly and as close to on key as he can* I'm already there... don't make a sound... I'm the beat in your heart... I'm the moonlight shining down... *pauses and another sniffle* I'm a whisper in the wind... and I'll be there till the end... Can you feel the love that we share... cause I'm already there...
*another deep breath* I love you Lana, and I wish I was going to be here to love you forever. I... I won't ever forget you. Nothing in hell will ever be able to tear you from me. But I don't want you to mourn me, ok? You have so much love to give... and I want you to be happy and find someone who can return it to you. Someone who can always be there and make you feel as loved as you made me.
Tell Chloe that I will always thank her for bringing you along for that double date. She changed my world that day, and you... you changed my life for the better. The man I am today is because of the strength you gave me. And while I know this is going to hurt more than anything you've felt... I hope after awhile you will understand why it had to be me, and maybe even be proud of me in doing it.
I love you. I... I can't stop saying it because I do and I know once I hit stop you won't even be able to hear me say it again. God Lana I love you. *you can tell he's crying now* I love you and I wish I could just hold you in my arms and kiss you and let you see just how much but like I said, if I was there I wouldn't want to leave. I'd just hold onto you for dear life and try to will the world away.
*another pause as he tries to get his composure back* I really don't want to leave you, but I know this is what has to be done. But I love you, Lana. Thank you for loving me too. And... keep in touch with my brother. He'll... he'll take care of you.
I love you and...
*door opens and Dean's voice is next as there is a rustle from Sam hiding the Ipod* Why is it that the best Mexican food places always have no one who speaks English working there? I hope they got your food right, but don't blame me if it's wrong
I'm sure it'll be fine, Dean.
You ok, Sammy? Not sitting around listening to your emo crap and writing down your memoirs, right?
Nah, I'm good. Just thinking.
Well stop. You'll give yourself indigestion and I don't want to deal with that too.
*sound of walking across the room and a door closing. more rustling and Sam is holding the ipod again.* I love you Lana... now and forever... *deep breath* Goodbye.
*and it clicks off*
In his stuff along with other letters, the Ipod has a rubber band wrapped around it with the words Give to Lana on it, and the letter shows Lana how to find the voice memo waiting for her.