likely_evil | My Hopeless Dream...

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My Hopeless Dream...

It had been almost two years since Sam had stood in the doorway to Lana's home. Two years since he had wished her goodbye to go off and fight the devil. Fifteen months since he had sent her his Ipod with a goodbye audio file on it. And apparently when he had come out without a soul, he either had not come back, or he had but had screwed up royally.

Either way, now that he was himself again, he knew he needed to see her. He needed to let her know he was alive and that the devil was gone. To see just how her life had changed after that, and most of all, to just see if she was happy.

Leaving his brother at the motel a few towns over, Sam parked the Impala on the street and walked up to her door, and knocked on it gently. He turned a bit to look around the neighborhood as he waited for her to answer, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

He just hoped this wasn't a big mistake.

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It had been almost two years and there were still times she cried herself to sleep as she clung to her Valentine bear, the first gift he'd ever given her. It had become a symbol to her, one that part of him would always be with her, just as he'd sung to her on his voice recording. She believed that, she could be okay and go on with her life with some measure of happiness, but when she allowed herself to think about it long enough, knowing she would never feel him hold her again would bring back the ache in her heart.

She had dates, but whenever things would start to get serious, she would take a step back. She even told one of them, a new friend of Clark's, that sometimes she felt like maybe Sam wasn't really gone, that he was still out there somewhere. "I know it's not true," she said. "But until that feeling goes away, I don't think I'll be able to move on. Not in a way that's fair to you."

She had gone back to school just like she'd told him she would. She started in Gotham University and loved it there, but when she heard the Talon had burned to the ground, she made plans to transfer to Central Kansas. The coffeehouse had been the place where her parents met, back when it was still a theater, and though the original building was gone, she wouldn't let it die that easily.

Her Aunt Nell, however, did.

It was two weeks after the funeral when she heard this particular knock. Lana thought maybe it was Tess coming to check on her, but when she peered out the peephole, she was sure she was hallucinating from grief.

Or maybe there was Kryptonite in the water supply.

She went to a window to double check, making sure not to be seen, but the image was still the same.

Lana took a minute to catch her breath before she sprang into action. She didn't believe whatever was outside was Sam and she wanted to be some kind of prepared. She didn't know much past the basics, so she grabbed a few things that she knew would cover a lot of ground: a silver knife, a flask of holy water and the iron poker next to the fireplace. The poker she set against the wall for easy reach, the flask in her back pocket and readied the knife in her hand.

Hopefully it wasn't the Devil at her door.

As soon as that door was open, she went for his wrist, twisting his arm behind him and shoving him into the nearest post before she put the blade to his neck.

"You have five seconds to tell me who you are and what the hell you're doing here looking like him before I kill you." Her tone of voice said she had every intention on following through.

He had been looking the other way when the door started to open, so he was completely out of position to even try and defend himself against her attack. Thankfully he had enough sense to keep his head from colliding with the post, though the silver knife that creeped up in that space had him pulling his head back even more.

Yeah, he should have planned on this happening. After all, he had been the one to show her how to do all this.

"Ow. Lana, it's me. No Lucifer, no demon. It's really just me. And trust me, it'll take a lot longer than five seconds to explain and I'll do the knife and water test. I've got both in my jacket pocket..."

Lana hesitated for a moment. It did sound a lot like him and she wanted so much to believe it, but she couldn't. It was a trick, just a cruel trick.

But he was offering to do the tests...maybe...but...

She let him go, quickly stepping back out of his reach, keeping the knife in front of her, alert and ready to attack again if need be.

"Do it."

Sam flexed his wrist a bit, then carefully reached into his pocket, pulling out both along with a few salt packets. "I can use your water if that will make you feel better. I'm sure you have some."

He showed her the small silver knife he had and held it between his lips as he shrugged off his jacket and then rolled up his sleeve. She would see there were already a few faded scars on his bicep from having to do this. Sam had no memory of where they had come from, but he was pretty sure that it was this same kind of test while he had been soulless and had no memory of it.

He hissed a bit as the knife cut into the skin. But no rush of pain, no blue flashing light or his blood vessels suddenly darkening from poisoning. Just normal, red blood welling up and starting to run along the cut. "That eliminates any kind of shape-shifter creature..." His hazel eyes looked up at her to see if she wanted him to use her water.

When he looked at her and their eyes connected, her hard expression faltered a bit. Her gut was twisted into knots and her chest was tight and everything in her was crying out that this truly was the love of her life. She just couldn't trust it, not yet.

She swallowed, reached into her back pocket and tossed him her flask.

Sam caught it, opening the flask and then showing her a salt packet. He opened it and took it like a shot, then took a long drink of the holy water.

The proceeded to gag. "Damn, that's really nasty." But no smoke or pain, just someone who drank salt water and really needing something to get the taste out of his mouth.

Now it wasn't just her face, but the whole of her posture that was wavering.

"How do I know you're not Lucifer?"

"I don't know how to prove that beyond saying that I'm not. He... he wouldn't have cared about trying to trick you. He was too proud, and if he wanted something, he would just demand it from you or kill you to take it."

Sam pulled out a handkerchief to try to stop the bleeding. "He also probably wouldn't be bleeding all over your porch."

Lana lowered her arm about halfway and took a step closer, so tentatively, trying to push back the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

"Sam?" Her voice shook with just that one word, so afraid to even let herself believe it.

He looked up at her and nodded. "It's really me, Lana. I swear it really is." He bit his lip, seeing her tearing up and feeling his own eyes swelling up in response.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't say goodbye in person. But I did promise that if I beat Lucifer, I would come back. So this is me, coming back."

Lana didn't say a word, just let the knife drop right there, rushed toward him and pulled him into a fervid kiss, tears already sliding down her cheeks.

He wasn't ready for that either, and needed to take a step or two back to get his balance when she came at him. But he kissed her right back, wrapping his arms around her and just clinging to her and trying not to cry like a little girl.

She was there. He was alive and for all he know this was his last chance at life and had run out of "Get Out of Hell Free" cards with this instance. There was no guarantee on how long the wall in his brain was going to hold up, and after that first scare, he knew that if he needed to have this in his life, he had to do it now.

Maybe if he and Lana worked, Dean would try and stay with Lisa more too.

Lana held onto that kiss for as long as she could, but it was nowhere near long enough. The sobs were coming and she needed to breathe, but she stayed as close as she could and clung to him as desperately as she'd ever done with anyone.

"I missed you so much," she managed to push out in between.

"Same here."

He kissed the top of her forehead, then just kept her close as he rested her head on top of hers.

"Things have been crazy. I would have come sooner, but you know that whole coming back from the dead thing really sucks."

She had to laugh at that, even while still crying.

"Yeah. Yeah, it does."

"So can I come inside? I think I'm now bleeding all over the back of your shirt now."

But he wasn't letting go of her anytime soon. Good thing Dean wasn't planning on him coming home tonight.

"Are you planning on bleeding all over my bed, too?" she teased.

"Hopefully you'll give me time to patch this up first." He laughed. it felt so good to laugh again. The last few years, it had been hard to find that kind of enjoyment.

"And maybe get something to drink. I forgot to grab a water bottle when I borrowed the Impala, and that saltwater really did take nasty and I'd like to get that taste out of my mouth."

Lana laughed, too, running both hands through his hair. It was a welcome change. "You're going to have to carry me if you expect to get anywhere."

He smiled down at her. That playfulness was still there in her eyes, and he couldn't help it but lean back down and kiss her again as he wrapped his arms around her to lift her up and carry her back inside her home, kicking the door shut behind him.

She kissed him back long enough for them to get inside, but then her mind went to their surroundings. Her place wasn't as tidy as she usually kept it, videos and DVDs littered about, a few boxes here and there and a small mound of tissues still lying on the couch.

She pulled away a little, just enough to talk. "Uh...I apologize for the mess. It's been a rough couple of weeks."

He looked around, realizing that hell, there could be another guy living there too. He had thought all of that out before he got here, but seeing her face had made it all fade from his mind.

"Is everything okay?" he noticed the tissues. "Have you been sick or something?"

She looked down, quiet for a moment or two. "My Aunt Nell, the one who raised me after my parents died...she..." Lana bit her lip, trying not to start crying again. "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel right now. I--" She paused to take a breath. "I lose her, then get you back..."

He bit his lip, then just pulled her tightly against his chest. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly.

She closed her eyes and leaned against him. "I wish the two of you could have met," she said softly. "She always wanted me to end up with someone well-off who would ravish me with gifts..." Her voice lowered to a whisper. "But I know she would have loved you."

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