Broken Winchester on the Doorstep - for horsewoman_lana

[likely_evil]

ooc: Dean referred to here is winchesterjerk, abusedused with permission.

After Dean was out of the hospital, Sam had continued his hovering in the motel as Dean recovered. Asking him every five minutes if he needed something. Wanted something. Finally, around day 2 of this, Dean gave Sam a look and told him that Sam needed to go out and get some air before he suffocated him.

Of course, he threatened to kill Sam if he did so much as scratch the Impala.

Sam decided to take a drive. Fresh air, open road, music on the Ipod that sat in the passenger seat so that he could detach it and not freak Dean out again with it's presence. He didn't have any place really in mind as to where he was going, but as he passed the road sign announcing his arrival in Smallville, Kansas, did Sam recognize his unconscious path.

Finding Lana's place was easy. Walking to her door was a bit harder, and suddenly he just felt the weight of the world on his shoulders because of everything that had been happening and life was spinning out of control and he just needed something.

Something Dean couldn't give him. Something even Ruby couldn't give him. And so he turned to the only other person he knew that could.

He rang the bell, and just stood there, hoping Lana was home and alone. Because otherwise they might witness at very tall man breaking down like a baby in her arms.

Comments

[manorsuperman]

It was obvious to her that he wasn't just passing through. Living in Smallville, not to mention being her former relationship with Lex Luthor, had sharpened her skills of observation.

"I've, um...been taking some time off. Apparently I've been working a little too hard for my own good..." She trailed off before asking the question that really needed to be answered. "What about you?"

[likely_evil]

"Good... I mean..." He took a deep breath. "I don't know. I really don't know anymore."

He lowered his head, shaking it a bit. "Things are just going bad and I don't know anymore."

[manorsuperman]

She nodded and moved closer. It was the answer she was expecting. "I'm here for you, however you need me to be."

[likely_evil]

"I just... it seems when we're so close to being right, things go wrong and it's worse than before and he's breaking apart, Lana. He's breaking apart and I can't do anything to help him. And I can't go through this again. I barely survived the first time and I can't watch Dean..."

He closed his eyes, licking his lips as he tried to keep control. It was so easy to tell Lana. She knew enough about them to understand, but not enough to judge. Someone who would care about him and not try to play the middle. Not judge him. Just try and understand.

"I can't lose my brother again, Lana."

[manorsuperman]

She nodded again. Seeing him like this was tearing at her heart, but she tried not to let much of that leak through. She didn't want him to see how in love with him she was, even if he wouldn't recognize the sign. She was still trying to deny it to herself.

She loosely took hold to the sides of his arms. "I know," she whispered.

[likely_evil]

"He was in the hospital and I walked in and he was crying. Dean never cried before this, and now I've seen him do it way too many times. I'm supposed to be the weak one, not him. Dean's the strong one."

He was shaking, trying not to break.

"If he falls apart..."

[manorsuperman]

He wasn't the only one trying not to break. She was just better at hiding it, at least at the moment.

Lana tried to pull him down into her arms, but gently, just in case it was unwanted.

[likely_evil]

He leaned down, resting his head on her shoulder as he closed his eyes. "I'm tired of all of this. I just want it to be over. I want my brother back and not to watch him hurt like this."

[manorsuperman]

One arm went around him, while her free hand stroked his hair. "I'm so sorry, Sam. I wish I could help." She wished she could say something to take away the pain she knew he felt, but there wasn't.

[likely_evil]

"All I ever wanted was to be normal. I'm far from that. Everything I had just keeps slipping away..." He melted into her. And that's 6'4" of melting down on her.

[manorsuperman]

She was listening...but... "Sam, sweetie, you're about to squish me like a bug. You want to sit down?"

[likely_evil]

He stood back up, taking a deep breath. "Sorry. Sorry..."

[manorsuperman]

"It's okay. Come on." She lead him to her couch so he could sit. "Do you want something before I sit down? Water, juice...some wine, maybe?"

[likely_evil]

He sat down, shaking his head. "I can't eat or drink right now. I just feel sick."

[manorsuperman]

She nodded and sat down...on his lap, the same way she had on that first date. It made it easier for him to melt all over her again if he so chose, this time without squishing a little woman a foot shorter than him.

"What was it you were saying? You're not normal, things slipping away..."

[likely_evil]

"Four year ago I was in college. A normal kid with a normal life. Now I don't even know if I would even recognize myself back then if I ran into me."

He rubbed at his face, his eyes wet.

[manorsuperman]

And the change was apparently not for the better.

"What changed?" She wasn't expecting a straight answer. No one in her life ever seemed to give her those. Sam wasn't that different.

[likely_evil]

"I became the freak everyone thought I was going to become."

[manorsuperman]

Wow. That was a lot more of a straight answer than she was expecting.

She took his face in her hands and made sure he was looking at her. "Sam...I don't know what's going on with you...but you're not a freak."

[likely_evil]

His lip wibbled a bit. "I am, Lana. You can't understand... I just... I've done things I shouldn't have all because I've wanted to help save Dean."

[manorsuperman]

He was breaking her heart, and it was starting to show in her eyes. "There are things you don't know about me," she said softly. "There's a lot more to me than you've seen. Maybe if you knew...maybe you'd know I'd understand a lot more than you think."

[likely_evil]

He knew he was taking a risk, but he needed to tell someone. Someone that wasn't caught up in this mess and try to understand him. "I have demon blood in me," he said softly. "And there are times I don't know if I'm even human anymore."

[manorsuperman]

Lana swallowed. After living in Smallville for most of her life, she'd developed a belief in a lot of things, including demons. It was strange to her that not many others in the small town had. She didn't know anything about them, but she knew now Sam did. What he and his brother did, why they were so secretive...it was beginning to come together in her mind.

"But you're not a freak." Freak wasn't a word she liked. Not for her meteor-infected clients and certainly not for Sam.

[likely_evil]

"Demons have killed people in my life just to force me to do things. My mom. Dad. my girlfriend. Dean."

[manorsuperman]

She just nodded, stroking one of his cheeks with her thumb. That's what he meant by losing Dean. Dean...died once. As weird as it would sound to most people, it had happened in Smallville before, someone coming back from the dead. She suspected, though, that in Dean's case it had more to do with the supernatural than when it happened in this town. She wouldn't ask, though. It wasn't the time to ask questions. It was time to listen to Sam. He needed someone now, and he came to her.