Broken Winchester on the Doorstep - for horsewoman_lana

[likely_evil]

ooc: Dean referred to here is winchesterjerk, abusedused with permission.

After Dean was out of the hospital, Sam had continued his hovering in the motel as Dean recovered. Asking him every five minutes if he needed something. Wanted something. Finally, around day 2 of this, Dean gave Sam a look and told him that Sam needed to go out and get some air before he suffocated him.

Of course, he threatened to kill Sam if he did so much as scratch the Impala.

Sam decided to take a drive. Fresh air, open road, music on the Ipod that sat in the passenger seat so that he could detach it and not freak Dean out again with it's presence. He didn't have any place really in mind as to where he was going, but as he passed the road sign announcing his arrival in Smallville, Kansas, did Sam recognize his unconscious path.

Finding Lana's place was easy. Walking to her door was a bit harder, and suddenly he just felt the weight of the world on his shoulders because of everything that had been happening and life was spinning out of control and he just needed something.

Something Dean couldn't give him. Something even Ruby couldn't give him. And so he turned to the only other person he knew that could.

He rang the bell, and just stood there, hoping Lana was home and alone. Because otherwise they might witness at very tall man breaking down like a baby in her arms.

Comments

[manorsuperman]

She grinned a little to herself. She should have known that wouldn't work. "You shouldn't either, Sam."

[likely_evil]

He looked up at her with that, confused.

[manorsuperman]

She looked down at him with a warm look in her eyes. "You have someone like that, too. And I don't mean your brother."

[likely_evil]

"Lana.. I can't bring you into this..."

[manorsuperman]

"I'm not asking you to bring me into anything. I just want you to know I'm always here for you, no matter what happens..." She closed her eyes for a moment to summon the courage to just say it, before she missed her chance. When she was ready, she opened them again, looking him straight in the eye. "That I'll love you no matter what happens..."

[likely_evil]

His eyes widened and he shook his head a bit, pulling back. "No, don't say that, Lana. It's too dangerous to say that..."

He had been falling for her too - he had been for awhile and his feet led him to her - but every woman he loved had died. If she... if he...

He couldn't. Not again. Not give the demons a target to use against him. Lilith would have a field day.

[manorsuperman]

"Life is dangerous, for both of us." She looked at him sadly. "All the more reason to say it, while I know I still have the chance."

[likely_evil]

He got up, away, needing space to breathe. "You don't understand... they will kill you if they know. They have. They will and they will do it slow and painful and I can't let that happen to anyone else. Not now."

[manorsuperman]

She stood herself, though she stayed where she was. "I'm not afraid, Sam. If it happens, it happens."

[likely_evil]

"NO!" He tried to back away and tripped on a crack in the floor, falling to the ground. He wrapped his hands around his knees, burying his face in them.

"I can't lose another person... I can't. Please don't do this... please..." he whispered softly.

[manorsuperman]

She moved toward him, sat beside him, facing him. "Sam...even if I never said it, it wouldn't stop it from being true...believe me, I tried..." She was starting to cry again. "I tried not to..."

[likely_evil]

"You can't throw away your life because of me. I won't let you." He was shaking, trying not to break down again.

[manorsuperman]

She put a hand on his arm. "I'm not, not the way I see it. Throwing my life away would be changing the way I live just because I'm threatened. I don't do that. Life is too short as it is." A sniff. "Besides...no one can hurt me any more than what's already been done to me..."

[likely_evil]

"They can and they will," Sam said, lifting his head to look her in the eyes. "I've watched it happen in front of my eyes, and I can't go through that again..."

He closed his eyes. "Take it back, Lana, please..."

[manorsuperman]

"I can't!" She moved behind him on her knees and wrapped her arms around him. "I won't. My whole life I've felt like there was a part of me missing, and with you...I've never felt so whole. Never."

[likely_evil]

He was still a moment, then slowly his hands went up to touch her arms, then squeezed them tightly.

"I feel the same way. I keep pushing it aside because I don't want to see you get hurt. I can't promise you anything, or that I'll even be alive in a few days because of my job. I'm only going to bring you heartache and death."

[manorsuperman]

"It's nothing I don't already have," she whispered.

[likely_evil]

"You deserve better than me."

[manorsuperman]

"But I don't want better. I want you."

[likely_evil]

He turned his head to look at her. His hazel eyes were so scared, afraid that he was going to be the death of her. That he wouldn't be able to save her just like all the other women he cared about.

He had to be strong for Dean. He couldn't be weak, and yet here he was, crying on Lana's floor, shaking and afraid because he knew he did love Lana from the first moment they had kissed, and he just wanted her to hold him and make all the bad monsters go away.

Things Dean used to do for him as a kid. Things Dean couldn't anymore because they knew the monsters intimately. Monsters inside of them. And they wouldn't ever go away, and day by day Dean became weaker and Sam became the stronger...

But he still needed someone to hold him and tell him things were going to be alright and find a way to make him believe it, if only for a moment.

[manorsuperman]

Lana gave him a weak, tearful grin. "It's okay, Sam," she whispered. She wasn't sure what she was saying was okay, just that she wanted to comfort him, to take away his fear and pain, even if it was short-lived.

[likely_evil]

He turned more into her, putting his forehead against hers and just clinging to her a bit before tilting his head and just kissing her. Needing the affection for that, nothing more.

Just needing to be touched and loved and reminded what was still good in this world.

[manorsuperman]

She returned it, hands automatically finding their way to either side of his face.

[likely_evil]

His hands tightened on her arms, kissing her harder, pulling her closer and just wanting to take all of her in.

[manorsuperman]

Her hands slid from his face and into his hair, trying to get as close as she could.