Broken Winchester on the Doorstep - for horsewoman_lana

[likely_evil]

ooc: Dean referred to here is winchesterjerk, abusedused with permission.

After Dean was out of the hospital, Sam had continued his hovering in the motel as Dean recovered. Asking him every five minutes if he needed something. Wanted something. Finally, around day 2 of this, Dean gave Sam a look and told him that Sam needed to go out and get some air before he suffocated him.

Of course, he threatened to kill Sam if he did so much as scratch the Impala.

Sam decided to take a drive. Fresh air, open road, music on the Ipod that sat in the passenger seat so that he could detach it and not freak Dean out again with it's presence. He didn't have any place really in mind as to where he was going, but as he passed the road sign announcing his arrival in Smallville, Kansas, did Sam recognize his unconscious path.

Finding Lana's place was easy. Walking to her door was a bit harder, and suddenly he just felt the weight of the world on his shoulders because of everything that had been happening and life was spinning out of control and he just needed something.

Something Dean couldn't give him. Something even Ruby couldn't give him. And so he turned to the only other person he knew that could.

He rang the bell, and just stood there, hoping Lana was home and alone. Because otherwise they might witness at very tall man breaking down like a baby in her arms.

Comments

[manorsuperman]

"It's okay. Come on." She lead him to her couch so he could sit. "Do you want something before I sit down? Water, juice...some wine, maybe?"

[likely_evil]

He sat down, shaking his head. "I can't eat or drink right now. I just feel sick."

[manorsuperman]

She nodded and sat down...on his lap, the same way she had on that first date. It made it easier for him to melt all over her again if he so chose, this time without squishing a little woman a foot shorter than him.

"What was it you were saying? You're not normal, things slipping away..."

[likely_evil]

"Four year ago I was in college. A normal kid with a normal life. Now I don't even know if I would even recognize myself back then if I ran into me."

He rubbed at his face, his eyes wet.

[manorsuperman]

And the change was apparently not for the better.

"What changed?" She wasn't expecting a straight answer. No one in her life ever seemed to give her those. Sam wasn't that different.

[likely_evil]

"I became the freak everyone thought I was going to become."

[manorsuperman]

Wow. That was a lot more of a straight answer than she was expecting.

She took his face in her hands and made sure he was looking at her. "Sam...I don't know what's going on with you...but you're not a freak."

[likely_evil]

His lip wibbled a bit. "I am, Lana. You can't understand... I just... I've done things I shouldn't have all because I've wanted to help save Dean."

[manorsuperman]

He was breaking her heart, and it was starting to show in her eyes. "There are things you don't know about me," she said softly. "There's a lot more to me than you've seen. Maybe if you knew...maybe you'd know I'd understand a lot more than you think."

[likely_evil]

He knew he was taking a risk, but he needed to tell someone. Someone that wasn't caught up in this mess and try to understand him. "I have demon blood in me," he said softly. "And there are times I don't know if I'm even human anymore."

[manorsuperman]

Lana swallowed. After living in Smallville for most of her life, she'd developed a belief in a lot of things, including demons. It was strange to her that not many others in the small town had. She didn't know anything about them, but she knew now Sam did. What he and his brother did, why they were so secretive...it was beginning to come together in her mind.

"But you're not a freak." Freak wasn't a word she liked. Not for her meteor-infected clients and certainly not for Sam.

[likely_evil]

"Demons have killed people in my life just to force me to do things. My mom. Dad. my girlfriend. Dean."

[manorsuperman]

She just nodded, stroking one of his cheeks with her thumb. That's what he meant by losing Dean. Dean...died once. As weird as it would sound to most people, it had happened in Smallville before, someone coming back from the dead. She suspected, though, that in Dean's case it had more to do with the supernatural than when it happened in this town. She wouldn't ask, though. It wasn't the time to ask questions. It was time to listen to Sam. He needed someone now, and he came to her.

[likely_evil]

"And now I'm doing things that even a year ago I would have objected to, but it's the only way I can think of to get things to stop and just to end this all. But I... I know I'm risking too much. Too much and now i can't seem to stop. Things are tail spinning and I can't figure out how to stop the crash from coming..."

He clung to her a bit more.

[manorsuperman]

Her answer was quiet and understanding.

"There's a darkness inside you, one you've been feeding with whatever it is you might be doing...even with your good intentions, you know it's taking over, it scares you...but you don't know if you can stop it."

If it sounded like she was speaking from personal experience, she was. She didn't have anything demonic inside her...but sometimes, it felt like it.

[likely_evil]

He just nodded, burying his eyes in her shoulder.

[manorsuperman]

She held him close, a hand running through his hair, and took a deep breath. There was one other thing she wanted to say, but those words scared her. All of this she'd experienced before, but it was probably even worse for him.

"Maybe," she whispered, voice starting to shake, "...maybe you're afraid there's a part of you that doesn't want to stop it..."

[likely_evil]

"I hate doing it," he said. "I feel so dirty... it's not right and I know it's not... but afterward I'm so strong... and the power..."

[manorsuperman]

It was now that it hit her what exactly he'd been doing. She didn't remember much from her short-lived vampiric experience as part of the Tri-Psi sorority, but she remembered what she felt when she bit Clark. The strength, the power...and now she that she knew Clark's secret, she knew why it was she'd felt that way.

Having demon blood in him wasn't just a fact for Sam, he was actually...oh God...

Lana gripped him tighter, squeezing her eyes closed to stop the tears, even as one trickled down her face. He was such a good man, and he was losing himself. She was losing him.

[likely_evil]

"I don't know what to do, anymore, Lana. Nothing is what it seems..."

[manorsuperman]

She straddled him now, just so she could be as close as possible. She wanted to hold him as tight as she could, as if that by itself would stop what was happening to him. She didn't know what to say, or if she could say anything even if she tried.

[likely_evil]

He just held her, not talking but shaking, tears escaping from his eyes as he worked to try and control his breathing from becoming a full out sob.

[manorsuperman]

She couldn't hold back the tears any longer, no matter how good she'd become at it. Seeing him like this, knowing what was going on with him, broke her heart. She just let go, stopped trying to control the soft sobs from coming. Why bother? It was going to happen anyway.

[likely_evil]

Her breaking did him in, and he just lost it. All the emotions he had been holding in since Dean had died. Things he hid behind alcohol, a mission, power blood and a brother... they all just took over as he broke down.

[manorsuperman]

"Sam, please," she whispered through her sobs. "Please...I don't want to lose you." It seemed like a strange thing to say to a man she barely saw, but that didn't matter. What little she had, she didn't want to fade to black.