likely_evil | Letters: Faith

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Letters: Faith

Among other possessions that Sam had left behind, there were a few envelopes with names written in Sam's handwriting. Dean. Bobby. Faith. There is an address on Faith's, and he did it on purpose. He needed to give his brother the option on how he was going to handle this one...

Faith,

Let me prelude this by asking you not to kill my brother. We all make our choices in life, and this one was mine to make. All wars have casualties, and I knew a long time ago that with this one, it was going to be my head on the chopping block. He's got enough going on with this that a concussion isn't going to help any.

So yeah. If you're reading this... it worked. Of course, I'm not going to be able to tell you this in person, but I wanted to let you know that I did it. We figured out how to get Lucifer back into Hell and save the world. But the only way to do it was for me to say yes so I could jump into the pit and take him with me.

I just... I wanted to make sure you knew what really happened. And I wanted to say thank you for being there for me. I wouldn't have had the strength to get here if it wasn't for you these last few weeks. If you hadn't been here, I would have lost it long before when Dean left.

You mean the world to me, Faith. I know I never said it. I don't think it was something that I could have said. ~~or you would have wanted to hear~~. But you understood that side of me I hated and made me realize in the end that it was a part of who I was, and that I could be myself and not let the fear of it control me.

~~I'm not afraid anymore.~~ Ok, yeah, that's bullshit. I am afraid. But I'm at peace with this choice, because I know when this is done, and I am going to succeed in this... that my sacrifice will let everyone I care about continue to live on for me.

Faith... you're more to me than a body to hold. You mean more to me than that. You are more than that, and I hope one day that you'll see that. There's a lot more to you than you give yourself credit for, and now that the world isn't about to end, I hope you get all the time in the world to finally see it. ~~I wish I could be there to see it~~

I wish it could be different, but this is just the way it has to be. And I'm sorry if you think this is a shitty way to end it, but the alternative would be much worse.

~~I think I was starting to...~~ Thank you, though, for being there for me.

- Sam

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Dean didn't want to be doing this.

He shouldn't have to be doing this. God would bring back Cas, would bring back Bobby, but he wouldn't bring back his brother which was probably the only thing that Dean wanted more than anything. The only thing Dean couldn't have, apparently.

Stupid Sam. Stupid Sam and his stupid promises and stupid letters. Dean hadn't even touched the one that Sam had left him and he wasn't going to because if he did, he was never going to make it Indiana. And that was part of the promise that Dean fully intended to keep. But for right now, he was Sam's friggin' errand boy and that wasn't part of the fucking plan, but he would just have to deal with it.

He knocked on Faith's door, considering slipping the letter under the door and bailing, but in the end he knew he wouldn't. Faith would kill him, and he knew Sam wouldn't appreciate his brother being murdered. So he shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for her to come to the door, clenching his fingers around the letter.

She'd been worried more than usual lately. She'd gotten used to talking to Sam on some kind of regular basis despite all the craziness that had been going on with the exception of the past three days. It wasn't that she hadn't tried calling, she had. It was that he wasn't picking up. Dean wasn't picking up and telling her to go to hell. It was just... nothing.

When she heard the knock at the door all the stupid worrying she'd been doing seemed stupid. Faith wasn't the girl that got all freaked out over a guy. She'd done that once, with Robin, and it had blown up in her face. Sam was... a friend. And even as she made the excuses and told herself the lies that would make her feel better, she was opening the door with a smile on her face.

"Heya, Sammy. Thought you forgot..." she let the sentence drop, brows creasing when she saw not Sam at her door, but Dean.

Dean with an envelope.

"What the hell is this?"

Dean didn't know what to say to her at first. It was right there on the tip of his tongue -- Sam's dead and he's not coming back -- but he couldn't. He still could barely even believe it, but it had happened and this was one of those things that made it real. He just relaxed his fingers, extending his hand to her and waiting for her to take it.

"He wanted you to have this."

Those words were all it took for her to get it. No, the fact that it was Dean and not Sam himself was what it took, but this made it real.

Sam was dead. Sam was dead and he hadn't said goodbye, or he had, and he'd written it down without giving her the opportunity to say a damn thing in return.

"I'm not... I'm not touchin' that. Not till we get him back. There has to be a way to get him back, and we'll do it. Tell me everything."

"He's not coming back, Faith," Dean said softly. "He said yes. Then he held Lucifer down and jumped into the cage like he was supposed to." Like Dean had promised to let him on two occasions -- once to Death, and once to Sam himself.

He couldn't help that there was a hint of pride there. Sam had taken on the Devil and won, after all. But there was also the fact that they couldn't go poking at it. Not without opening up a whole other can of worms. Dean had known that from the get-go, and it was obvious he didn't like it, but it was what needed to happen.

"But he's in there with Lucifer and Michael. Trying to get him out of there ... it's not gonna happen."

Her mind was running a mile a minute as she processed what he was telling her. Sam had said yes and then... and then he'd jumped into hell. That's what it amounted to. She could feel her anger boiling under the surface but tamped it down for the time being so she could focus on what needed doing. Once they got Sam out, she'd take it out on his ass then.

"Bullshit. Between the two of us we'll make it happen."

Dean set his jaw slightly, before shaking his head. "Not gonna happen, Faith. It's too much of a risk. We go poking at that box and Lucifer and Michael can pop out right along with him and we're right back where we started."

He knew that a punch was coming, but he was going to keep talking, because he needed to get the rest of it out before she broke his jaw. "I promised him I wouldn't."

Her eyes narrowed as she watched him. She heard what he was saying and none of it was making any sense.

"That sounds like a fuckin' cop out if I ever heard one. It's called we find a way around it. We make it work. I got resources. We work together on this and we can pull it off. What the hell kind of fucking promise trumps gettin' your brother out of Hell?"

"You weren't there, okay?" Dean's eyes snapped back up at her, and he really wanted to throttle her himself, but he wouldn't. "Lucifer blew up Cas, he killed Bobby -- he was going to kill me the slowest way he knew how, and Sam ... he beat the Devil down and then he jumped in that hole, so the least I could do is keep a goddamn promise to him."

"So you're what? Gonna let him rot down there? Sam beat down the devil and you just walk away? 'Gee, thanks for takin' on Lucifer and not killin' my sorry ass. It was nice knowin' ya.' Some fuckin' brother you turned out t'be. Sam does all the dirty work and you walk away without a second thought, for what? Like you haven't lied and cheated your whole damn life and now is when you decide to go all noble?" She was in his face at this point, her anger bubbling up and out, finger jabbing him square in the chest.

"I don't have a fucking choice!" Dean snapped. "I saw what happens when Lucifer wins. I saw the way things go down. Yeah, Hell sucks. I get that. I know from personal experience. But this isn't about Sam, okay? I have to let him go."

Dean would spend his whole life fighting for Sam if Sam hadn't taken that away. He knew the person he would become if he did. He needed to take the out while he had it, and if that included talking Faith out of it in the process, then so be it.

"There's always a choice." The words were practically spat at him when what she really wanted to do was pound them into his flesh. Her fists balled at her sides.

"You want to let him go? Fine. That's on you. I'm not gonna stand by and leave him hangin'."

He shook his head. "I can't let you do that."

"Yeah? And how you gonna stop me?"

"It's Sam versus the whole world, Faith," Dean replied with a snap. "You're a Slayer. You really want to run the risk of killing all those innocent people just to get him back?"

"No, but I'm at least willin' to try. I'm not just gonna roll over like a little bitch without lookin' into the options." Her arms crossed over her chest and she sneered at him.

"Guess that's the difference between the two of us."

"This is what he wanted, Faith. Just -- " He huffed slightly, before extending his arm again. " -- take the damn letter already."

Faith took the letter in one hand and in the same movement sent a left hook toward Dean's jaw, unable to hold back anymore.

"Oops. My bad."

Dean took the punch, letting the pain radiate through him a bit, before looking up at her with a cold glare. "Thank you." And with that, he started swinging back, aiming right for the face without caring.

She let the first punch land, then the second. By the third she knew he was in this as much as she was. He didn't have the same size that Sam did but she wasn't concerned about pulling her punches, she just wanted something to hurt. Ducking the next hit that came her way, Faith surged up with a punch to Dean's gut.

He took the hit to the gut, stumbling backward to catch his breath a bit, before charging back in again, looking to use whatever force he had to take her to the ground. He dropped his shoulder so that he was catching her around the middle, aiming to slam her back against the wall and daze her enough so that he could get another hit in.

Her head met brick and she let out a grunt with the force but she'd dealt with a lot worse. Dean was only human, vessel or no vessel, and she tussled with demons on the regular. Faith slammed the heel of her boot into the top of his foot, avoiding the toes in case they were protected by steel, and brought her head down to butt against his.

Dean groaned at the combined assault, stumbling backward, and shaking his head a bit, trying to get it to clear. He wasn't thinking clearly. He was just swinging in order to cause something else pain, to prevent the pain being caused to him -- or maybe he was just looking for a fight so that the physical pain would drown out the emotional one.

Either way, he hurt, and he wanted to make sure she hurt just as much. He ignored the stunned feeling, pushing closer and trying to see if he could land another hit again, even though he was flying blind.

This wasn't about skill so much as pure physical violence. Every hit she got in, and every hit he managed to return served as a release. The pain felt good because at least this was familiar. This was something she could deal with.

When he caught her in the ribs she was sure at least one was cracked. It took her a second to get air back into her lungs. A scream of frustration followed as her fingers found purchase in his shirt to introduce him to the side of the building.

Stars exploded in front of his eyes as his head hit the building and after that he knew he was fucked. At this point he was just shoving at her to get her off him, managing to get enough momentum that he was pushing her back into the hood of the Impala, adding another crack to the already numerous ones in the windshield, and it was that sound that snapped him out of it enough to realize what he was doing.

Faith wasn't the person he wanted to be taking this out on. Faith wasn't the person he should be taking this out on.

His legs gave out and he sunk down to the sidewalk in front of the motel room, every inch of his body throbbing while one hand covered his face, trying to keep himself from cracking.

"Goddamnit, Sam."

Edited 2010-05-14 19:00 (UTC)

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