likely_evil | Letters: Faith

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Letters: Faith

Among other possessions that Sam had left behind, there were a few envelopes with names written in Sam's handwriting. Dean. Bobby. Faith. There is an address on Faith's, and he did it on purpose. He needed to give his brother the option on how he was going to handle this one...

Faith,

Let me prelude this by asking you not to kill my brother. We all make our choices in life, and this one was mine to make. All wars have casualties, and I knew a long time ago that with this one, it was going to be my head on the chopping block. He's got enough going on with this that a concussion isn't going to help any.

So yeah. If you're reading this... it worked. Of course, I'm not going to be able to tell you this in person, but I wanted to let you know that I did it. We figured out how to get Lucifer back into Hell and save the world. But the only way to do it was for me to say yes so I could jump into the pit and take him with me.

I just... I wanted to make sure you knew what really happened. And I wanted to say thank you for being there for me. I wouldn't have had the strength to get here if it wasn't for you these last few weeks. If you hadn't been here, I would have lost it long before when Dean left.

You mean the world to me, Faith. I know I never said it. I don't think it was something that I could have said. ~~or you would have wanted to hear~~. But you understood that side of me I hated and made me realize in the end that it was a part of who I was, and that I could be myself and not let the fear of it control me.

~~I'm not afraid anymore.~~ Ok, yeah, that's bullshit. I am afraid. But I'm at peace with this choice, because I know when this is done, and I am going to succeed in this... that my sacrifice will let everyone I care about continue to live on for me.

Faith... you're more to me than a body to hold. You mean more to me than that. You are more than that, and I hope one day that you'll see that. There's a lot more to you than you give yourself credit for, and now that the world isn't about to end, I hope you get all the time in the world to finally see it. ~~I wish I could be there to see it~~

I wish it could be different, but this is just the way it has to be. And I'm sorry if you think this is a shitty way to end it, but the alternative would be much worse.

~~I think I was starting to...~~ Thank you, though, for being there for me.

- Sam

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"Because I felt you deserved to hear this face to face," he sighed softly, pushing himself to his feet and wiping at his face a bit. "And I wanted to tell you that I'm getting out."

He sighed shifting to lean back against the wall. "That was the other part of the promise. I get out, live a normal life. I've got a girl in Indiana who doesn't think I'm too much of a moron, so I'm gonna head out there -- and you got the number if you need it, but as for being an active hunter -- I'm not."

He swallowed again, before running a hand over his face. "But I'm serious, Faith -- if you need someone to watch your back, call. Sam obviously cared enough about you to write you a friggin' letter, so I figured another thing I could do is make sure you don't get yourself killed."

She would have laughed if she had the energy for it.

"House, family, normal life... You really think that's gonna work out?" She'd tried to get out once. Had gotten a pretty decent offer from Giles. It sure as hell hadn't worked for her because here she was now, in the game as much as ever.

"Yeah. I got a letter." Whatever smart ass retort that might have been about to follow lodged in her throat and she had to swallow. Whatever it was that had been going on with her and Sam was... what the hell was it? And had whatever it was been enough to warrant a Dear John letter? Nothing made sense.

"Don't know, but she's probably the only person in the world who's actually asked me to stay, so I figured I owe it to her to try," he sighed, shrugging a bit. "I'm sick of it anyway. I think I've earned a fucking vacation."

He looked over at her. "You did a lot for him. Enough that I could see it, and I've been pretty piss poor at paying attention lately."

"Tried that once. Didn't work out so well. Good luck if you're serious about it." The words were only minimally laced with sarcasm. Her anger at everything wasn't actually directed at Dean, it was just force of habit.

"We fucked. Not really a big deal." Hell, she'd snuck out while he was in the shower. There hadn't been any discussions about it, there hadn't been any heavy declarations, it just was. She hadn't expected more than that.

Dean snorted. "Getting Sam to take off his pants is like trying to get under a nun's habit. Might not have meant a whole lot to you, but it did to him."

"He was in a bad place. Guys are known for makin' all kinds of bad decisions when they're fucked up, and like you said, not like you were payin' a whole lot of attention lately. Things change."

The irrational urge to defend herself, to set him straight, isn't something she expected. Sam wasn't like the guys she usually picked up to warm her bed for an hour or two. He was in a category of his own. None of that really mattered anymore though and trying to explain it would mean confronting a truth she was bound and determined to bury as deep as she could.

She cared. It meant something. It meant something when nothing and no one else had in a long time... She should have seen it coming a mile away and run as fast as she could in the opposite direction.

"Yeah. Whatever you say."

Dean sighed heavily, before walking around her and heading to the door of his car. "See you around, Faith."

She thought about the letter when he moved for the door.

"Dean, wait. I-- I suck at this. The whole people thing. Never been good at it. Don't figure it's about to start now but don't think I can handle drinkin' alone. I got a bottle of Jack. You interested?"

Dean glanced back at her, hesitating for a moment, before nodding. "Sure. I could use a drink."

She wiped blood from her lip with the back of her hand, tongue darting out to lick at the cut. Faith stepped inside and just waited for Dean to follow. On her way in she picked up the envelope she'd dropped with Sam's scrawl across the front of it and set it on the bed so she could open the bottle on the nightstand.

Dean followed her, closing the door behind him, and dropping down on one of the chairs, leaning back and waiting for her to pour him a drink or hand him a bottle -- whichever came first.

It didn't take long for her to pour the liquid into one of the cheap plastic cups and she handed it to him so she could take a long pull straight from the bottle.

"How'd it go down?" And the way she looks at him doesn't leave any room to question if she's talking about things with Sam or the whiskey. The masochist in her needs details, especially since there's a part of her still determined to try and find a way to get him out.

Dean took a long drink of the whiskey before placing the cup down and looking back at her. "Apparently the four rings of the horsemen are the keys to Lucifer's cage. Know the right incantation, and you pretty much open the door to Hell. The next step in the plan was getting Lucifer to go in. Sam figured if he said yes and managed to beat him down, then jumped right in, the doors would close and Lucifer would be back where he belonged. So we went to Detroit."

He swallowed again before continuing. "It didn't go too well at first. Lucifer got the upper hand and things almost went pear-shaped but Sam got a handle on it. He beat Lucifer down, opened the gate and when Michael tried to stop him, he yanked him back in with him."

"Guess I shouldn't be surprised. Only you guys'd be stupid enough to try somethin' like that. And only Sam'd be good enough to make it work. Thought you were supposed to play landlord for Michael though. Obviously it didn't go down like that."

Her fingers played with the neck of the bottle before going for another pull.

"It's a blood thing. My dad had another kid -- our half-brother. Angels conned him into saying yes instead."

So yeah, he lost two brothers in one fell swoop. It was a great day to be Dean Winchester.

With that information she just passed the bottle over to him. "I'm sorry. Can't figure that'd be easy. Sam never said anything about another brother."

"That's cuz he died," Dean sighed, taking the bottle pouring himself about as much as he could fit into the plastic cup before passing it back to her. "Ghouls got him about a year back, but ... when I wouldn't say yes, the angels decided to see if they'd have better luck with him."

"Gotta love those angelic types. Always fucking around with something except for what they should be. Guess heaven has some really good PR people. If the world knew what a bunch of douche bags they all were, they wouldn't be so big on goin' to the great beyond."

The desire to just chug the bottle is strong. Somehow she resists it though, taking a simple sip instead. This amount of whiskey won't do it for her, but the pills in her bag will probably help make her numb enough to sleep later.

"Tell me about it," Dean sighed, shaking his head. "Heaven isn't even really all that awesome."

"Fucked up when you think about it. This is as good as its ever gonna get." She was quiet as she thought about it and some of her anger returned. The world around them really was as good as it got, and that wasn't saying much. And yet... so many people had died for it. Almost didn't seem worth it.

"At least we have a choice there," Dean sighed, taking a long sip of his whiskey before looking back at her. "Going up or down? You're pretty much just along for the ride."

Faith could only snort while chugging back a fair amount of whiskey. "Still, doesn't seem worth it sometimes."

It went without saying that now was one of those times, especially as her fingers played over the edge of the envelope sitting next to her.

He was quiet for a minute, trying for the moment to push aside the idea of Sam being gone and thinking about what he had the possibility of having in Indiana. "Some of it is."

"At least you're gettin' somethin' out of it." The same couldn't be said for everyone.

Dean looked up at her, before shrugging. "Who says you're not gettin' anythin'? You lived, Faith. You can do whatever the hell you want with that."

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