Bad Day on Black Rock - RP for ironknifehunter

[likely_evil]

It started when, as Cas was getting ready to leave for work, he told Sam that Dean was getting released from the hospital that afternoon. There was a question on that, a look at Sam lowered his head from and ignored.

When are you going to go back and see him, Sam?

He could hear their voices in his head as he worked on the house that day. Jo, Cas, even Pam wanting to know when Sam was going to see his brother. Ever since Dean had woken up, Sam avoided the hospital like the plague. All because he was afraid to face him.

The voices started to get to him, and Sam found his way into the medicine cabinet to get something to get rid of his headache. As the hours went, the pain didn't stop and Sam went back to find something stronger.

That evening, then would find Sam stoned off the pills from an old bottle of codeine, passed out on the bathroom floor because it was cool and felt good on his face. But the voices were gone, and his head wasn't hurting anymore. That was all that mattered to him.

Comments

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

Yeah, she was pissed and hurt. She had expected more. Maybe she had expected too much. Junkies slipped, all junkies slipped. She had seen it hundreds of times on the street. She shouldn't have had unrealistic goals when it came to Sam just because he was Sam.

She took them both home and after leading the way to her apartment she got Ford's leash. "I'm going to walk him real quick. Why don't you lie down? I'll be back soon."

[likely_evil]

"Alright." He looked around the apartment, then went right to the couch and sat down. He kicked his shoes off, and while Jo was gone he just pulled his legs up onto the couch and wrapped his arms around them, chin on his knees while he waited for her to come back. He didn't trust himself to go anywhere else, and he wasn't feeling too good either.

He was withdrawing, and he knew it. He knew the feeling and it was making him feel sick to his stomach.

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

Ford was probably disappointed with his short walk, but Jo was really worried about Sam. He would crash, she knew how it went. He'd need someone there for him and not someone who would get him more drugs.

She returned after ten minutes and after getting Ford dinner, she got some bottled water and a trashcan, just in case. She joined Sam on the couch, leaving the water on the coffee table.

"C'mere," she said softly, holding open her arms.

[likely_evil]

He looked up at her, a tear escaping from his eye. "I didn't mean to get high," he stated. "I just wanted it to stop hurting. I'm sorry..."

He didn't move though, afraid.

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

"It'll be okay," she said. It was probably not the last time she'd have to say to him.

She reached out and tugged on his arm, trying to draw him to her.

[likely_evil]

He scooted over and curled up with his head resting in her lap. He was shaking again and starting to sweat a bit. "Are you going to tell Cas?" he asked softly.

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

She thought about it for a second, silently running her fingers through his hair while she got the throw blanket down from the back of the couch and settled it over him.

"No, not this time." If he ever did it again though, she would.

[likely_evil]

"Thank you," he said, shutting his eyes. "He'd hate me."

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

"I'm pretty sure Cas can't hate anyone." Jo smiled slightly. Her partner was just... too nice. "And hey, everyone makes mistake."

[likely_evil]

"I didn't want to fail again. I wanted to be better."

Don't worry about being disappointed in Sam... he was kicking his own ass.

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

"You will be, you just need more time."

[likely_evil]

Sam nodded, then thought for a moment. "I... did you see Dean today?" he asked softly.

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

"No, I covered for Cas while he went." She wasn't really ready to see Dean either, actually.

[likely_evil]

"He hates me."

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

"Hey," she tugged on his hair lightly. "No one hates you."

[likely_evil]

"Ow," he whimpered, rubbing his head. He turned to look up at her. "Why wouldn't he? I've done nothing but screw up his life."

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

"It's not all your fault, you know. Everyone makes mistakes," she said. "Even your big brother."

[likely_evil]

"I'm not saying Dean doesn't make mistakes. He got dad killed after all."

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

"Hey!" She tugged on his hair again, harder this time. "A criminal killed your dad, not Dean. That's just like my mother blaming your dad for getting my dad killed. It's stupid."

[likely_evil]

"I know, but Dean... I saw it in his eyes, Jo. He can't lie that way. He knows he did it, and he told me that way."

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

"Oh, please. Your brother blames himself for everything. It doesn't mean he's actually responsible. I've been there Sam, I went through it too. I know who's to blame. The bad guy with the gun."

[likely_evil]

Sam shook his head. "No, Dean doesn't lie to me, Jo. I know the difference..."

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

She rolled her eyes. "Dean's lying to himself. He thinks he's telling you the truth."

[likely_evil]

Sam's eyes teared up and he bit his lip, then turned his head away. "No... no..." he muttered. "But he... if he didn't..."

[ironknifehunter.livejournal.com]

"Look at me." She grabbed his face in her hands and made him look at her again. "I've been exactly where you and Dean are. I went through all of it. I've seen what it did to my mom, what it did to me. Neither of you is to blame."