mad_muses: ... in which Sam's gifts come back.

[likely_evil]

I remembered each flash
as time began to blur
Like a startling sign
that fate had finally found me
-Linkin' Park "New Divide"


He had been keeping it a secret. Dean didn't like secrets but Sam knew he couldn't tell Dean. Dean would worry. Dean always worried and this was not a good thing for Dean to worry about. It would bring back bad memories and he would get sad and Sam couldn't make Dean sad. He hated making Dean sad.

But his head was hurting again, so he hid in the bathroom and pretended to take a shower. It was running, but he wasn't in it. Instead he was sitting between the toilet and sink with his head in his hands, trying to get the pain to stop.

And the pictures. He scrunched his eyes shut and there were people there and they were hurting and he didn't know who they were or what was happening. But they hurt and it made him hurt to the point where he wants to stab out his eyeballs so he didn't have to see anymore.

First they were in his dreams. He remembered how they had started like that before and now it was again. He curled up into Dean on those nights. Dean always made the bad things go away. But these weren't like his bad dreams Pain. Hurt. Fire. Smoke. DEAN! They were real and he knew it somewhere which made them hurt more.

Then they started to happen when he was awake. So far they happened when Dean and Alec were gone. He didn't know what to do, and curled up on Dean's bed and clung to his pillow... if he could make it. And sometimes he knew what the dreams were and he could sneak away and try to help. Dean and Alec would be mad if they knew he was on his own helping people. But if he helped them the pain went away.

These pictures though came when Dean was just finishing his shower. Sam couldn't get into the room fast enough that the steam and the smell of Dean's body wash was still in the air. The sound of the water hid his whimpers as he rocked back and forth, trying not to see the pictures.

A little girl. A demon was in her. She was killing people. There was a preacher. He was a good man but she slit his throat and then started to use his blood like finger paints. Pretty pictures of things he remembered from the books in Bobby's place that smelt like magic and leather. She then smiled and the pictures went away.

He had lost track of how long he was in the bathroom, curled up. He wanted them to go away. They hurt and reminded him of how he had become a demon and it wasn't fair and he was dead and they should be gone and not here where it will make Dean sad and angry and...

Another stab of pain had Sam curled up tighter, making pitiful whimpering noises and just wanting it to stop. To go away. To be a normal boy again and not a demon or a freak. He wanted to be Sammy again. Not this.

It hurt too much.

Comments

[smart-alec494.livejournal.com]

Dean had headed out to do a newspaper run and Alec waited for his turned in the shower. For a little while he stared at Sam's lava lamp, because no matter what Dean said it was hypnotic and calming. But even that could only hold Alec for so long, so he flipped through the meger tv channels and watched a few minutes of some cartoon before realising that Sam had been in the shower for an awful long time.

He stood and rapt a knuckle on the door. "Sam?" Dean he would accuse of hogging the hot water. Hell if it had been Alec it would have been hogging the hot water. But. . .not so much with Sam.

[likely_evil]

Sam jumped at the knock, a whimper cry escaping his lips as his eyes stopped with the vision and focused on the bathroom a moment. He was aware of where he was and what was going on, and knew he needed to get wet otherwise they would know he hadn't been in the shower.

"I'll be right out," Sam shouted, trying to get into the shower to get his hair wet, then he turned it off and grabbed a towel. He went to unlock the bathroom door when the vision came back and he just missed the lock and slid to the floor in pain, whimpering softly to himself.

[smart-alec494.livejournal.com]

Which of course Alec heard. Even Dean could have heard it. "Sam?" Alec's voice rose a little in worry. He tried the door knob, because really? Sam doesn't have anything Alec hasn't seen before. Maticore wasn't big on privacy or modesty.

The door was locked. "Shit." His fingers tighten around the knob. "Sam, I'm opening the door. I know you're right behind it." After give Sam that warning he twisted the knob sharply, putting a bit of X5 strength behind it and the locking mechenism inside gave with a rattling snap. He easied the door open as much as he could until it gently bumped into Sam.

[likely_evil]

Sam shifted a bit, moving away from the door to curl into the wall. His fingers were trying to push in the bridge of his nose as if it would stop the pain. The visions faded in and out, like someone changing the station on a television.

[smart-alec494.livejournal.com]

Alec easied the door open more and took a minute to look Sam over. Whatever was wrong it was easy to see that it was with his head. Alec reached out and flipped the light off. He figured it might help and the darkness wouldn't hinder his own sight any. He crouched in front of Sam, and reached out towards him. "Hey, can you tell me what wrong?" Shit, if they need a doctor they were so in trouble.

[likely_evil]

"It's back. I don't want it. Make it go away."

He curled up into a tighter ball. It wasn't from Alec's contact, but because the vision came again, which made his whole body scrunch up.

The little girl smiling and reaching out, taking the hand of a young man. Dark skin. Sam knew him. He had hurt Sam. Why was he with the little girl?

[smart-alec494.livejournal.com]

"What's back." He moved closer and figured he's rule out the obviouse first and ran careful finger over Sam's head and through his hair checking for any bumps or wounds.

[likely_evil]

"Pictures. See pictures and they come true." He was afraid of them. He knew they were bad. Seeing them meant that he was still a bad thing and that the thing with yellow eyes in his dreams would want him and it wasn't good.

"Dean's not going to be happy." Sam managed to open his eyes, black ones that could still portray the pain he was in.

[smart-alec494.livejournal.com]

Sam's black eyes startled Alec a little. Not enough that he pulled away or even seemed upset, but it was something he wasn't used to. He blinked and then recovered. "Dean is unhappy about anything that hurts you." And Sam sure as hell looked pretty hurt and upset.

Alec didn't know how to solve the problem but if it wasn't new then maybe Dean knew more than Alec. What Alec did know was that Sam was cuddly as all get out and that it always seemed to easy some of his stress. Though the cramped bathroom wasn't really the best place to help Sam with anything. "Can you stand up?" He kept one hand on Sam's shoulder and offered the other to help.

[jstliketherifle.livejournal.com]

Dean was just making his way in with the newspaper when he heard the voices coming from the bathroom. He paused for a moment, concerned, before closing the door behind him, making enough noise that he didn't startle anyone. "I'm back," he shouted back into the room, leaving the newspaper on the table next to the door. "Everything okay?"

[likely_evil]

Sam looked at the door, then Alec. "Can't tell him. He's going to be mad. I'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry..." Sam curled up into Alec, trembling from the pain. The visions were gone for now and it was just the residual pain left in his head.

[smart-alec494.livejournal.com]

Without even thinking about Alec lifted an arm so Sam could curl as close as he wanted, then he settled the same arm around Sam. "It's not you fault." It couldn't be Sam's fault. He wouldn't do this to himself.

"We're in the bathroom. Grab a blanket." Alec couldn't care less that Sam was naked as a jay bird, but blankets alway gave him a feeling of safety and he hoped it would work with Sam to.

[jstliketherifle.livejournal.com]

Dean did as he was told, using the blanket to cover his brother's body as he got in there, crouching down next to his brothers and raising an eyebrow at both of them. "What's going on?"

[likely_evil]

Dean's rubbing his back had lulled Sam back off to sleep, no cares that he was wet or naked. It just ended the pictures and pain and let Sam slip into blessed blackness.

Of course a few hours later he woke up to the tail end of his headache and felt very cold. He groaned a bit, then sneezed and curled the blanket up around him tighter.

[smart-alec494.livejournal.com]

Alec laughed a little because seriously? That was adorable. If anyone had told Alec that he sometimes did the exact same thing he wouldn't have beleaved them.

[jstliketherifle.livejournal.com]

Dean glanced over and took another pull on his beer. "How ya feelin', Sammy?"

[likely_evil]

"'m cold," he stated, opening hazel eyes to look at them. "where is my underwear?"

[smart-alec494.livejournal.com]

"That is a very good question. I'm betting it's still in the bathroom from your shower atempted." Alec could tell that he hadn't actually managed dispite his being wet. He couldn't smell the fresh soap on Sam's skin.

[jstliketherifle.livejournal.com]

"I'll get you some clean stuff," Dean said with a nod, before making his way over to his brother's bag.

[likely_evil]

"Coffee?" Sam sat up, looking around. His eyes were bloodshot. Carefully he took back in his surroundings. It was afternoon. Same motel. He looked around and blinked, then rubbed at his eyes.

[smart-alec494.livejournal.com]

"I'm not sure you should. Might stunt your growth." His tone was gently teasing. But Sam did remind him of a child right now. He did start to get up from his seat on the bed next to Sam to wrest the rooms coffee maker into submission though.

[jstliketherifle.livejournal.com]

Dean returned a few minutes later, handing Sam all that he needed to get dressed. "You should probably eat something with that, too."

[likely_evil]

"'m not hungry," Sam muttered, taking the clothes and starting to get dressed slowly.

He then looked at Dean. "I don't want them."

[smart-alec494.livejournal.com]

Alec was going to let Dean do the talking for now. This was all new and shakey ground for Alec. He made coffee.

[jstliketherifle.livejournal.com]

"The clothes or the visions?" Dean asked with a frown, moving over to sit on the bed next to his brother.