likely_evil | mad_muses: ... in which Sam's gifts come back.

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mad_muses: ... in which Sam's gifts come back.

I remembered each flash
as time began to blur
Like a startling sign
that fate had finally found me
-Linkin' Park "New Divide"

He had been keeping it a secret. Dean didn't like secrets but Sam knew he couldn't tell Dean. Dean would worry. Dean always worried and this was not a good thing for Dean to worry about. It would bring back bad memories and he would get sad and Sam couldn't make Dean sad. He hated making Dean sad.

But his head was hurting again, so he hid in the bathroom and pretended to take a shower. It was running, but he wasn't in it. Instead he was sitting between the toilet and sink with his head in his hands, trying to get the pain to stop.

And the pictures. He scrunched his eyes shut and there were people there and they were hurting and he didn't know who they were or what was happening. But they hurt and it made him hurt to the point where he wants to stab out his eyeballs so he didn't have to see anymore.

First they were in his dreams. He remembered how they had started like that before and now it was again. He curled up into Dean on those nights. Dean always made the bad things go away. But these weren't like his bad dreams Pain. Hurt. Fire. Smoke. DEAN! They were real and he knew it somewhere which made them hurt more.

Then they started to happen when he was awake. So far they happened when Dean and Alec were gone. He didn't know what to do, and curled up on Dean's bed and clung to his pillow... if he could make it. And sometimes he knew what the dreams were and he could sneak away and try to help. Dean and Alec would be mad if they knew he was on his own helping people. But if he helped them the pain went away.

These pictures though came when Dean was just finishing his shower. Sam couldn't get into the room fast enough that the steam and the smell of Dean's body wash was still in the air. The sound of the water hid his whimpers as he rocked back and forth, trying not to see the pictures.

A little girl. A demon was in her. She was killing people. There was a preacher. He was a good man but she slit his throat and then started to use his blood like finger paints. Pretty pictures of things he remembered from the books in Bobby's place that smelt like magic and leather. She then smiled and the pictures went away.

He had lost track of how long he was in the bathroom, curled up. He wanted them to go away. They hurt and reminded him of how he had become a demon and it wasn't fair and he was dead and they should be gone and not here where it will make Dean sad and angry and...

Another stab of pain had Sam curled up tighter, making pitiful whimpering noises and just wanting it to stop. To go away. To be a normal boy again and not a demon or a freak. He wanted to be Sammy again. Not this.

It hurt too much.

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Which of course Alec heard. Even Dean could have heard it. "Sam?" Alec's voice rose a little in worry. He tried the door knob, because really? Sam doesn't have anything Alec hasn't seen before. Maticore wasn't big on privacy or modesty.

The door was locked. "Shit." His fingers tighten around the knob. "Sam, I'm opening the door. I know you're right behind it." After give Sam that warning he twisted the knob sharply, putting a bit of X5 strength behind it and the locking mechenism inside gave with a rattling snap. He easied the door open as much as he could until it gently bumped into Sam.

Sam shifted a bit, moving away from the door to curl into the wall. His fingers were trying to push in the bridge of his nose as if it would stop the pain. The visions faded in and out, like someone changing the station on a television.

Alec easied the door open more and took a minute to look Sam over. Whatever was wrong it was easy to see that it was with his head. Alec reached out and flipped the light off. He figured it might help and the darkness wouldn't hinder his own sight any. He crouched in front of Sam, and reached out towards him. "Hey, can you tell me what wrong?" Shit, if they need a doctor they were so in trouble.

"It's back. I don't want it. Make it go away."

He curled up into a tighter ball. It wasn't from Alec's contact, but because the vision came again, which made his whole body scrunch up.

The little girl smiling and reaching out, taking the hand of a young man. Dark skin. Sam knew him. He had hurt Sam. Why was he with the little girl?

"What's back." He moved closer and figured he's rule out the obviouse first and ran careful finger over Sam's head and through his hair checking for any bumps or wounds.

"Pictures. See pictures and they come true." He was afraid of them. He knew they were bad. Seeing them meant that he was still a bad thing and that the thing with yellow eyes in his dreams would want him and it wasn't good.

"Dean's not going to be happy." Sam managed to open his eyes, black ones that could still portray the pain he was in.

Sam's black eyes startled Alec a little. Not enough that he pulled away or even seemed upset, but it was something he wasn't used to. He blinked and then recovered. "Dean is unhappy about anything that hurts you." And Sam sure as hell looked pretty hurt and upset.

Alec didn't know how to solve the problem but if it wasn't new then maybe Dean knew more than Alec. What Alec did know was that Sam was cuddly as all get out and that it always seemed to easy some of his stress. Though the cramped bathroom wasn't really the best place to help Sam with anything. "Can you stand up?" He kept one hand on Sam's shoulder and offered the other to help.

Edited 2009-07-22 03:57 (UTC)

Dean was just making his way in with the newspaper when he heard the voices coming from the bathroom. He paused for a moment, concerned, before closing the door behind him, making enough noise that he didn't startle anyone. "I'm back," he shouted back into the room, leaving the newspaper on the table next to the door. "Everything okay?"

Sam looked at the door, then Alec. "Can't tell him. He's going to be mad. I'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry..." Sam curled up into Alec, trembling from the pain. The visions were gone for now and it was just the residual pain left in his head.

Without even thinking about Alec lifted an arm so Sam could curl as close as he wanted, then he settled the same arm around Sam. "It's not you fault." It couldn't be Sam's fault. He wouldn't do this to himself.

"We're in the bathroom. Grab a blanket." Alec couldn't care less that Sam was naked as a jay bird, but blankets alway gave him a feeling of safety and he hoped it would work with Sam to.

Dean did as he was told, using the blanket to cover his brother's body as he got in there, crouching down next to his brothers and raising an eyebrow at both of them. "What's going on?"

Sam just kept muttering "sorry" over and over again, and his hands went back to the bridge of his nose to try and get the pain to stop. He was upset which wasn't making any of it worse.

Alec looked worried, hoping Dean would have some ideas. "I found him like this. He says he's seeing pictures and they come true. He's afraid you'll be angry." Alec clearly wasn't afraid of that.

Dean's eyes widened slightly, but he wasn't angry. Then he got up and went to one of his bags, fishing out the bottle of aspirin that he hadn't needed since Sam was alive and made his way back over to the two of them. "Here, Sammy," he said gently, taking Sam's hand in his and placing two aspirin in his palm. "Take these, see if they help."

He would explain this to Alec later, but right now, he needed to take care of Sam. He didn't know if the aspirin would work, now that he was a demon, but he figured it was worth a shot.

Sam looked up at Dean with pitiful black eyes but took the pills with a shaking hand and swallowed them. Dean knew what to do. Dean took care of him.

"I'm sorry I didn't want them to come back. They did it on their own," he whimpered.

Alec heaved a sigh or relief when Dean seemed to know what to do. So he looked to Dean to give him instructions. "Now what?"

"I know, Sammy, I know," Dean said softly, before starting to shift so that he was holding his brother's arm. "This isn't your fault, alright? It happens."

He looked over at Alec before nodding back towards the bedroom. "Let's get him in bed. He'll feel better after he sleeps it off a bit."

"not supposed to happen they shouldn't be back because I'm not alive..." he was muttering to himself, letting Dean and Alec lead him back to bed. He would end up muttering himself to sleep, curled up in Dean's bed with his pillow covering his eyes and face to the point where it was lucky he didn't need to breath.

Alec sat on the edge of the bed, watching Sam with a worried expression. "What's going on?" The question was aimed at Dean.

Dean shifted so that he was sitting closer to his brother, rubbing Sam's back with his hand lightly as he tried to soothe his brother to sleep. "When Sam was six months old -- the night our mom died -- this demon, named Azazel, did something to him. I don't know if Dad ever figured it out, but I never knew what it was. Whatever it was though, it made him get these -- death visions. Snippets of the future that usually ended in people dying or bad things happening."

Dean swallowed slightly, before leaning back against the headboard. "The two years between Sam coming back on the hunt with me again and when he died, we tried to stop as many as we could. Couldn't save 'em all, but they led us to other kids like him. Other kids with gifts. Turns out Azazel was prepping them for some kind of Psychic Kid Showdown." He paused for a moment, closing his eyes. "How Sam got killed."

"And he was hoping they were gone." He reached out and wrapped a hand around Sam's ankle, suddenly wanting to hug them both.

"I should have seen it coming," Dean sighed. "I mean, this was something a demon did to him. Should have figured it wouldn't go away just because he became one."

"Maybe it's just part of him now." He watch Sam for a long minute. "Is there anything we can do to make it easier for him?"

Dean shook his head. "Just -- help him get through it. Maybe try and get him to talk about what he saw and see if we can help whoever it is. Other than that -- he's just gotta ride it out."

"Like a seizure." Hurt like hell, but once it started there wasn't a lot a person could to.

mad_muses: ... in which Sam's gifts come back.

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