likely_evil | mad_muses: ... in which Sam's gifts come back.

I remembered each flash
as time began to blur
Like a startling sign
that fate had finally found me
-Linkin' Park "New Divide"

He had been keeping it a secret. Dean didn't like secrets but Sam knew he couldn't tell Dean. Dean would worry. Dean always worried and this was not a good thing for Dean to worry about. It would bring back bad memories and he would get sad and Sam couldn't make Dean sad. He hated making Dean sad.

But his head was hurting again, so he hid in the bathroom and pretended to take a shower. It was running, but he wasn't in it. Instead he was sitting between the toilet and sink with his head in his hands, trying to get the pain to stop.

And the pictures. He scrunched his eyes shut and there were people there and they were hurting and he didn't know who they were or what was happening. But they hurt and it made him hurt to the point where he wants to stab out his eyeballs so he didn't have to see anymore.

First they were in his dreams. He remembered how they had started like that before and now it was again. He curled up into Dean on those nights. Dean always made the bad things go away. But these weren't like his bad dreams Pain. Hurt. Fire. Smoke. DEAN! They were real and he knew it somewhere which made them hurt more.

Then they started to happen when he was awake. So far they happened when Dean and Alec were gone. He didn't know what to do, and curled up on Dean's bed and clung to his pillow... if he could make it. And sometimes he knew what the dreams were and he could sneak away and try to help. Dean and Alec would be mad if they knew he was on his own helping people. But if he helped them the pain went away.

These pictures though came when Dean was just finishing his shower. Sam couldn't get into the room fast enough that the steam and the smell of Dean's body wash was still in the air. The sound of the water hid his whimpers as he rocked back and forth, trying not to see the pictures.

A little girl. A demon was in her. She was killing people. There was a preacher. He was a good man but she slit his throat and then started to use his blood like finger paints. Pretty pictures of things he remembered from the books in Bobby's place that smelt like magic and leather. She then smiled and the pictures went away.

He had lost track of how long he was in the bathroom, curled up. He wanted them to go away. They hurt and reminded him of how he had become a demon and it wasn't fair and he was dead and they should be gone and not here where it will make Dean sad and angry and...

Another stab of pain had Sam curled up tighter, making pitiful whimpering noises and just wanting it to stop. To go away. To be a normal boy again and not a demon or a freak. He wanted to be Sammy again. Not this.

It hurt too much.

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"I'm not sure you should. Might stunt your growth." His tone was gently teasing. But Sam did remind him of a child right now. He did start to get up from his seat on the bed next to Sam to wrest the rooms coffee maker into submission though.

Dean returned a few minutes later, handing Sam all that he needed to get dressed. "You should probably eat something with that, too."

"'m not hungry," Sam muttered, taking the clothes and starting to get dressed slowly.

He then looked at Dean. "I don't want them."

Alec was going to let Dean do the talking for now. This was all new and shakey ground for Alec. He made coffee.

"The clothes or the visions?" Dean asked with a frown, moving over to sit on the bed next to his brother.

"Visions. I don't want them again. They're bad."

Alec watched the lava lamp for a minute. "Are the visions themselves bad or just the things you see?"

Dean swallowed, and waited for Sam to answer Alec's question first.

"Yes." He looked down at his hands. "Bad."

"So both? Why are they bad." He sits on the bed across from Sam. "I mean, I get that what you see if pretty awful. . .but I don't think that's what you mean by bad."

"People die." Sam bit his lip. That's what his dreams were always about. People dying. "then... i die."

That stopped any thoughts Alec had in his head cold for a second. "You die?"

"Jess first. me last. noone else." he shook his head. "i don't wanna lose anyone else."

"None of us are dying." It was a statement of fact. Alec didn't plan to kick and he wasn't letting Sam or Dean go either.

"You can't control it. It happens!" Sam was getting upset again, rocking a bit in his seat.

"Hey, easy, Sammy. Easy," Dean whispered softly, moving in closer to him and sliding an arm around his shoulders. "I know we can't control it. But we can try."

Sam rested his head on Dean's shoulder. "I don't want to lose anyone else. She scares me."

"Who scares you, Sammy?"

"The little girl in my head. She is killing people."

"Little girl?" Dean frowned. "What little girl?"

"Bad girl with white eyes. She's killing people with the yellow eye man."

Dean swallowed slightly. "Another demon."

Sam looked away from Dean, nodding his head. "Yes."

"Great," Dean sighed. "Just what we need." He then paused for a minute, before looking back over at Sam. "But this is a good thing, Sammy. Now we know she's coming."