likely_evil | Let me fall into you... RP for horsewoman

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Let me fall into you... RP for horsewoman_lana and <lj site="live

Once the shakes had stopped and Sam wasn't going through major symptoms of withdrawal, he planned on keeping his word to Lana. He missed her, and having spent the last month as far from her as he possibly could - sometimes not by his own choice - he just needed to have her there for him.

The world was on it's way to ending, after all. And he wasn't going to waste time.

Which was why on a Friday morning, an Amazon.com box arrived at Lana's office. He had checked to make sure that she was in the office that day, then paid a delivery guy a few bucks to hand deliver it around noon.

In the box was a hex bag, meant to hide the bearer from both demons and angels. Ruby had taught Sam how to make them - her mistake, their gain - and they had a bunch of them made and in the Impala for protection. The one he had sent was strong enough to take her and a good mile in all directions off the radars.

With the bag was a typed note. Keep this on you. Don't open it. Leave work, pack a weekend bag, and follow the map. Reservation for Ms. Lewis. Wait in room. - S.W.

The Impala was waiting out of sight, planing on trailing Lana on her way to the meeting spot, just to make sure she wasn't followed by anyone but them. There was a motel just outside of Bazine, KS. Out of the way along the 96 where no one in their right mind would really go looking for them. And it should have only been a 2-3 hour drive for Lana at most if she did the speed limit.

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"Perhaps I do. Perhaps it's easier than it looks." He smiled, then just rested his head back and closed his eyes.

He needed this. Needed her. Not to think about the days before, of what had happened and not about Ruby...

Lana traced the tattoo on his chest with the tip of her fingernail. "Well, you are pretty special..."

Where his mind had wandered, and those words, he licked his lips and sat up, resting his arms on his knees that he brought to his chest.

"I don't like being 'special'," he said softly. "All my life, that's all I've been told. And look where it's gotten me."

It didn't take but a second for her to sit up as well, turning to face him and resting her head against his arm.

"Your choices got you here, not the blood or your abilities. But the thing about making choices based on lies, on manipulation? They're nearly always the wrong ones." Her voice cracked a little on the word 'wrong'. Her own experiences with lies and manipulation were going through her mind. "There's no way you could have known."

"I should have. Because I let myself trust a demon, and that was my first mistake."

Sam sighed. "Everything after that just paved the road, but that first step is all my fault."

"Sam..." He wasn't wrong. It was his choice, he made it, and he probably should have known better. Still, she didn't want him to keep beating himself up over it. It was a mistake, and he was allowed to make them. "You're not the first person to trust someone you shouldn't have, and you won't be the last. And it's not different because it was a demon." She paused for a breath, to keep herself calm more than anything else. "You're not different, not as different as you think you are. That darkness inside of you? It's got nothing to do with demon blood, I don't care what anyone says! Everyone has a dark side, no matter who they are or where they come from. You're so aware of yours because you think something put it there...but it's normal. It would still be there without all this."

She felt like she'd given this speech a million times, only about meteor radiation instead of demon blood. They were all afraid of turning into criminals and murderers, and she always did her best to explain to them they really weren't as different as they thought they were. It was different this time, though. This was Sam Winchester, the man she loved, who she could see herself with for the rest of her life, and if it took her that long, she would convince him he wasn't the monster he thought he was.

"Didn't need the feather... it was there all along..." he muttered to himself a bit, pulling himself around his knees just a bit more.

Ruby's little speech had struck him so hard, he didn't like to think about how he had let his own darkness overtake him. He hated knowing that.

That. Was. It.

Lana leaned a little closer to him and gave him a good smack in the head. Not too hard, but just enough to hurt him a little. It was something she'd always wanted to do to Clark when he got like this, but never could. Not without breaking her hand. Thankfully, Sam's head wasn't quite that hard, at least not in the physical sense.

That got his attention. He grabbed his head and turned to look at her, shocked and confused and...

"Ow!" He rubbed at the spot. "What the hell?"

Her face was firmly set, but her eyes still held that same concern for him that they always did.

"If you think I'm just going to let you wallow in self-pity, you're wrong. You have a dark side, you gave yourself over to it. So what? You think you're the only one who's ever done that?" She paused slightly to reign in her own guilt before she went on. "There's nothing you can do about it now. What you've done can't be undone. And while it's good that you have guilt, you can't let yourself be overtaken by it. If you do, you can't move forward, and that's what you want, isn't it?"

He was still rubbing his head. "I do, but it's kinda hard when your bad choices started the Apocalypse!"

"Been there, done that, Sam! Maybe not in the Biblical sense, but the potential end of the world is just that, right?!"

She lowered her head a bit. Months later and there was still so much he didn't know about what she'd been through, living in Smallville. A lot had just never come up, but some she held back, just because she didn't want to dredge it all up again. She was supposed to be supporting him, and she wasn't about to break down because of things that happened years ago.

"But you're not me, Lana. You haven't been living this your entire life."

He closed his eyes and laid back down on the bed. "I shouldn't have come here..." he said softly to himself.

"Don't say that..."

She was trying to stay strong, really, she was, but him saying things like that...

"I'm not ready yet. Everything's just falling apart and I'm not... I just can't keep my focus yet on the things that I should."

She shook her a little and rested a hand on his chest. "You don't have to. I'm just glad to be with you again."

His hand went to cover hers. "Don't get me wrong, Lana... I'm glad to be with you too..." He turned a bit to look at her. "I'm just... not right right now. It's going to take me some time to get back to there."

She nodded. "I know. I don't expect you to be." A pause. "I don't mean to be so hard on you. I just don't want you to give up on yourself."

"I know you don't. But I'm still trying to digest everything that's happened, Lana. It's going to take me a long time to get it figured out."

She nodded again and kissed his forehead, then brushed back some of his hair. She sat there, just looking at him. She wouldn't say another word about it unless he did. All she wanted to do was soak up as much of him as she could while he was still there, and hopefully offer him some kind of strength to push forward. Eventually.

He gave her a small smile at the affection, his hand coming up to cup her cheek and kiss her gently.

She returned it in the same manner, lingering only a few seconds. She only pulled back enough to look into his eyes.

"I love you, Sam Winchester," she said softly. "Don't you ever forget it."

"I'd doubt you'd let me." He replied, tracing her cheek with his thumb.

The corners of her lips turned up just slightly. "Do it and I'll hit you."

"Yeah, I've gotten that idea."

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manorsuperman - 2009-05-30 05:13 (UTC) - Expand

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