likely_evil | [badcompany_muse]: Deprivation

ooc: demon!Sam verse. The night after this

It was in the other eyes of the demon that Sam found himself remembering. Pain. Hurt. Fire. Smoke. DEAN! They had always been feelings. Things he didn't see pictured in his head.

But he saw them now. They had found another motel to sleep in that night, and Alec and Dean were inside. Two beds, two men. Trying to sleep. Not think of the demons. Not think of bad things. But Sam can only think of bad things. Bad bad things. Pain. Hurt. Fire. Smoke. DEAN!

Sam sat on the hood of the Impala. He leaned back on the windshield and looked up at the stars. The sky was black. Dark. But there was light. Little worlds making light. But there only light in hell was from fire.

There were only a few memories that Sam had. Now he had these and he didn't want them anymore. They were not fireflies. They were knives and blood and bad things. Bad things.

Pain. He was on a rack. Hooks in his shoulder. threads woven in and out of his limbs to keep him in place. Dad next to him. Same torture. Alastair. "It's ok, Sammy. Be strong."

Hurt. Knives. Cutting flesh. Muscle. Little strips away piece by piece. Different ways. More and more until nothing left. Dad crying. Alastair laughing. Then back in one piece. Breathless. Raw.

Fire. So hot. Pokers. Stabbing skin. Eyeballs. Smell the flesh as it burnt when it fell to the ground. Flesh curls when it burns. Lights up like a firefly before it dies. Gone.

Smoke. So thick. Hurt to breathe. Can't see. See things wrong. Where's dad? not on rack. Knife. In front. Alastair smiling. Dad not. "It's ok, Sammy. Be strong."

DEAN!

The crack of the windshield brought Sam back from his vision. He looked down and saw his hands were bleeding. Then he saw the Impala. The windshield was broken. Two impacts. Stars bursting from the pain to ripple along the clear glass. Never the same. Can't see through. Shattered.

Home was broken. He broke it. His fault. Dean will be mad. Sam quickly got into the car and curled up in the back seat. He his his hands in his hoodie. Curled up and rocked as he tried to keep the memory away. Dean would be out soon. Yelling. Mad.

His fault. He was a demon. Bad. Bad thing.

Pain. Hurt. Fire. Smoke. DEAN!

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"NO."

Sam shot up, grabbed onto Dean and held him VERY tightly. "No dead. Not go near. Stay away. Bad. Pain. Hurt. NO."

There was pure fear in Sam's black eyes and his fingers would be leaving bruises in Dean's arms.

Alec had never seen Sam outright afraid before. Nervous and skitish as all get out all the time, but afraid? Not so much. That meant either this guy hat hurt Sam or or he was really bad news. "Okay." He reached out and put a gentle hand on Sam's arm. "Okay. We know the art of falling back."

Dean watched his brother's face as he did, before nodding. "Okay, Sammy. We'll stay away. We won't go near him. I promise."

Sam tilted his head, then nodded and curled a bit into Dean's lap, his head resting against Dean's chest. His eyes blinked back to hazel.

He was shaking. Alastair was bad. Very Bad. Sam was Bad, but Alastair was very very bad.

Evil.

Alec watched Sam's eyes, a little facinated. The black didn't bother him. They were Sam's eyes. The hazel they saw was more of a window that Sam looked out of. Alec wiped blood away from Sam's other hand.

Dean just slid his arms around his brother, keeping him close. The fact that not even Alloces could scare his brother the way Alastair did did not bode well for things as a whole. That only meant bad things happening in the not to distant future. And Dean knew that things like that never ended well.

Things like that was how he lost his brother the first time.

Sam was content and snuggled into his brother more while Alec worked. "Three days. Year. 15 days. 5 years. 5 years," he just said softly to himself over and over again.

Alec wrapped up the second hand and tucked it close to Sam's body for him. He set a hand on Sam's boney knee. Time to distract, with out confusing. He nudged the knee a little. "Five years uh? So how old does that make you now?"

Sam looked at his wrapped hands before just curling around them. But he looked at Alec confused. Then he realized that Alec understood what he was talking about.

"Six." Which was true. The demon was 6 years old. Sam the human died at 24.

"You're not doing to bad for being only six." Which is true. Alec would trust a transgenic kid to be be able to handle themselves, and for the most part so could Sam. But an Ordinary? Not likely. "How old were you before?"

Sam tried to think. But he couldn't remember. He couldn't remember anything much except a few memories of him as a kid. But he wasn't a kid. He didn't feel like a kid. He felt grown up, but didn't remember it.

"I don't know."

Alec shrugged. "Oh well." Because he knew better than to push at Sam. It didn't help him any. "You'll figure it out at some point." He offered Sam a smile then. It was kinda comical with three men that were all six feet tall or more, crammed into the back of the car.

Dean was quiet for a moment, still somewhat processing things, before he closed his eyes and spoke up.

"You were twenty-four," Dean replied. "You'd just had your birthday a few weeks before it happened -- you dying, I mean."

"Twenty four?" Sam tried to find something. Twenty four was a lot of years. 2,880 to a demon. A lot of years.

But he couldn't remember anything but from when he was a kid.

"Twenty four plus six is thirty."

"That gives you nine or ten years on me, cude." Because Alec was counting it all as one life. It was the experience not the form that aged a person.

"We're almost the same age now," Dean said with a slight smirk. "I turn thirty in January."

"No. No Dean big brother. no..." because the idea of being older than Dean wasn't right.

Alec looked over the way Sam was cuddled up to Dean. "Sam I think you could be a hundred years older and he'd still be your big brother."

"Damn straight," Dean grinned. "You're always gonna be my pain-in-the-ass baby brother, Sammy. No matter what."

Sam smiled. "Good." Then he looked at both of them, his eyes cleared. "You should be sleeping."

Alec almost said 'welcome back' when he saw the change in Sam's gaze, but kept it down. "We can sleep in instead. You wanna come inside with us?"

Dean just looked back at his brother, waiting for his response to the question. "Whadaya say, Sammy? Wanna come in and hang out with us?"

Sam nodded. "And tomorrow fix home."

Alec or Dean were going to have to get out of the car first since Sam was in the middle.

Alec nodded. We can call a auto glass place first thing." He squirmed out. "For now we can just cover her up with a tarp." He was sure he'd seen one in the trunk.