Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2010-05-13 11:29 pm
likely_evil) wrote2010-05-13 11:29 pm
Letters: Faith
Among other possessions that Sam had left behind, there were a few envelopes with names written in Sam's handwriting. Dean. Bobby. Faith. There is an address on Faith's, and he did it on purpose. He needed to give his brother the option on how he was going to handle this one...
Faith,
Let me prelude this by asking you not to kill my brother. We all make our choices in life, and this one was mine to make. All wars have casualties, and I knew a long time ago that with this one, it was going to be my head on the chopping block. He's got enough going on with this that a concussion isn't going to help any.
So yeah. If you're reading this... it worked. Of course, I'm not going to be able to tell you this in person, but I wanted to let you know that I did it. We figured out how to get Lucifer back into Hell and save the world. But the only way to do it was for me to say yes so I could jump into the pit and take him with me.
I just... I wanted to make sure you knew what really happened. And I wanted to say thank you for being there for me. I wouldn't have had the strength to get here if it wasn't for you these last few weeks. If you hadn't been here, I would have lost it long before when Dean left.
You mean the world to me, Faith. I know I never said it. I don't think it was something that I could have said.or you would have wanted to hear. But you understood that side of me I hated and made me realize in the end that it was a part of who I was, and that I could be myself and not let the fear of it control me.
I'm not afraid anymore. Ok, yeah, that's bullshit. I am afraid. But I'm at peace with this choice, because I know when this is done, and I am going to succeed in this... that my sacrifice will let everyone I care about continue to live on for me.
Faith... you're more to me than a body to hold. You mean more to me than that. You are more than that, and I hope one day that you'll see that. There's a lot more to you than you give yourself credit for, and now that the world isn't about to end, I hope you get all the time in the world to finally see it.I wish I could be there to see it
I wish it could be different, but this is just the way it has to be. And I'm sorry if you think this is a shitty way to end it, but the alternative would be much worse.
I think I was starting to... Thank you, though, for being there for me.
- Sam
Faith,
Let me prelude this by asking you not to kill my brother. We all make our choices in life, and this one was mine to make. All wars have casualties, and I knew a long time ago that with this one, it was going to be my head on the chopping block. He's got enough going on with this that a concussion isn't going to help any.
So yeah. If you're reading this... it worked. Of course, I'm not going to be able to tell you this in person, but I wanted to let you know that I did it. We figured out how to get Lucifer back into Hell and save the world. But the only way to do it was for me to say yes so I could jump into the pit and take him with me.
I just... I wanted to make sure you knew what really happened. And I wanted to say thank you for being there for me. I wouldn't have had the strength to get here if it wasn't for you these last few weeks. If you hadn't been here, I would have lost it long before when Dean left.
You mean the world to me, Faith. I know I never said it. I don't think it was something that I could have said.
Faith... you're more to me than a body to hold. You mean more to me than that. You are more than that, and I hope one day that you'll see that. There's a lot more to you than you give yourself credit for, and now that the world isn't about to end, I hope you get all the time in the world to finally see it.
I wish it could be different, but this is just the way it has to be. And I'm sorry if you think this is a shitty way to end it, but the alternative would be much worse.
- Sam
no subject
"Phone thing works both ways. Just because you quit doesn't mean the shit out there is gonna get the memo. You find yourself in trouble, hit me up."
no subject
He pushed away from the doorframe and turned to close the door behind him. "Later, Faith."
no subject
The door clicked shut and she fastened the chain. With the room empty there was no avoiding the rectangular envelope sitting on the bed like the purple elephant in the room. Slipping the pills from her bag and popping three of them, Faith sat down on the comforter. It took forty minutes of staring at it before she gave in and slipped a finger nail under the flap to get at the letter inside.
The distinctive scrawl of Sam's writing greeted her as she began to read. A gamut of emotions worked through her, anger and sadness the predominant two. Despite Sam's best efforts to cross out certain parts, she was still able to make them out and it made her heart clench painfully in her chest. It wasn't until a water droplet fell onto the page in her hand that she realized she'd even started crying, wondering just what the hell had been going through his mind as he'd been writing.
Wiping away her tears with an angry hand she put the letter on the night stand to splash water over her face. This wasn't something she could deal with. She was tired and cold, angry and also painfully numb. In a fit of desperate anger she swept everything that had been on the counter off of it and taking some small satisfaction in the sound of glass shattering. It set her off and spurred her on until she was mindlessly tearing apart whatever she could get her hands on.
It wasn't until much later, once most of the major pieces of furniture in the room had been destroyed, that she collapsed in the middle of the room and let herself cry.
Sam was gone, and so was any chance she had of telling him what he'd meant to her. It was the last thought she had when the pills and alcohol finally took effect and she slipped into a fitful sleep.