Valentine's Day: struck with broken arrows...

[likely_evil]

ooc: catching up on old rp's. co-written with lieu_murphy's mun

Deciding that it was easier to just "get a room" for the weekend, Sam knew he was on limited funds while trying to give Heather a valentine's day that was just about them. So it was a very crappy motel room and cheap diner food, but it was just the two of them. Saturday night had been nice, and Sam whimpered as Heather pulled away to go to work on Sunday in the early morning hours. He didn't want to lose her or the warmth that she had against his chest.

Finally, he let her go, then waited for the car to drive away before he was up and moving. He had about eight bucks to his name but that was enough as he made his way out to the Walmart. He got some ribbon, a box of chocolate covered cherries, and as he was on his way back he found a girl on the side of the road who gave him some flowers for the rest of his cash and his puppy dogs eyes.

So he waited for Heather to come back as he made the bed and found a nice radio station, and as he heard the car pull back up and her keys in the door, he shifted into wolf form and sat on the bed, wearing a goofy doggy grin, a big red ribbon around his neck and his tail wagging happily.

A weekend away from the pack was just great in Heather's opinion. She didn't usually mind the cramped quarters and trying to share bathrooms but she really liked getting away when there was a chance. Sam was doing great this Valentine's Day and she almost didn't want to go back on Monday. Almost. She kinda missed the food and the family.

"Hey, so, I picked up some Chinese... where did you get that bow?" she stopped inside the doorway, her head tilted slightly. He looked pretty silly. "And how did you get it on?"

His doggy grin just grew and he barked happily, standing up and holding his tail up in a playful manner. He had kept it on as a human and made sure it stayed loose enough to not choke him when he shifted.

She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling and closed the door behind her. "Bows are for Christmas, Sam."

Moving to the small table in the corner she put the Chinese down and hung her winter stuff up on the back of a chair. "Unless this is the corny cliche of giving yourself to me as a Valentine's Day gift. In which case, you're adorable."

He lowered his head in a pout at the bow part, then shifted back and sat cross-legged on the bed. Naked with just the bow now hanging down on his chest. His hair was in front of his eyes and he shook his head a bit to get them out of the way. "I always heard that a puppy was an appropriate gift to give," he said, biting his lip.

"I am a puppy," she pointed out as she kicked off her shoes then went over to the bed and settled herself in his lap. "Why would I need another one?"

"Because I'm cute and fluffy?" He wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling against her cheek.

"I'm not cute and fluffy?" She teased, rubbing her nose against his in an Eskimo kiss.

"Of course you are." He smiled a bit. "But I can't give you as a present to yourself."

"That would be awkward. I already have myself." She kissed him. "Thank you, Sam, but you don't have to give me yourself. You've done more than enough this Valentine's Day."

"I know. I just..." He let his fingers play along her shirt. "I wanted to give you something special. But I don't have much to give you but me. Well, that and a cheap box of chocolates." He gave her a small smirk.

"I'm pretty sure I already have you."

"Yeah, you do." He gave her a smile and ran his hand along her cheek. "For as long as you'll keep me."

"We'll see how I feel next Valentine's Day." She was still teasing and leaned into his hand.

Sam smiled, but it dropped away a bit. "Heather..." He needed to tell her he was going to be leaving in a few months. He wanted to keep her forever, and he might just stay if she asked. But she needed to know. He just chickened out every time he thought to tell her, and he was pretty sure now wasn't the best time either.

She frowned a little. "Yeah, Sam?"

He looked at her a moment, then shook his head as he chickened out again. "We should probably eat before the food gets cold," he said softly.

She sighed. "Sam..."

Sighing, he looked at her. "I don't know how to tell you this. I just... I don't know where I'm going to be next year."

"You aren't staying with the pack?" Sometimes bitten wolves left, she knew that but she didn't think Sam was going to be one of those people.

"I don't know." He hung his head again and licked his lips. "I've got a brother, Heather. He needs me too. I was only supposed to stay with the pack until Murphy helped me get control. Just a year. I wasn't... I wasn't expecting to meet you."

"But..." but the pack was his family now, weren't that? That's what a pack was, a family. "What are you going to tell him about where you go every full moon? It's not like you can tell him what you are."

"Dean knows what I am." Sam shook his head. "He's the one who killed the were that bit me. And we tried for months to find a way to help me with no luck. He watched over me every full moon when I turned into that monster and kept me from hurting anyone while I was unable to control it. And he's the one I left behind to come here. He's the only family I got left, and I can't just abandon him."

"You have the pack." She dropped her eyes.

"I know I do." He took her hand and held it. "I wasn't expecting everyone to take me in like this. I wasn't expecting to find you. That's why I tried to resist in the beginning. Because I knew once I let you in, I wasn't going to want to let you go."

"But you're going to."

He looked up at her and his eyes got serious. "Heather. If you ask me to stay, I'll stay. But I need to see my brother every now and then." He reached up and ran his hand through her hair and then pressed his forehead against hers. "I don't want to leave you. But I can't go on without you know this about me. It's not fair."

It wasn't fair. She got to meet a real nice wolf and then he was leaving. He was going. She sighed and didn't know what to do.

"Heather, please," he bit his lip, tilting his head a bit. "Please, baby. I wasn't expecting to find you but I wouldn't change that for the world. I don't want to lose you because of this."

"Why did you have to tell me now?"

"I've been trying to tell you for a month now. I just never have been able to get it out."

"So you picked Valentine's Day?"

He closed his eyes. "It just came out. I tried to stop. Change the subject..."

"Sam, I... I have to go think for awhile." She slid herself out of his lap. "This isn't something you can just spring on me."

"That's fine. I'll... I'll find you back at the house tomorrow. I need to take a run anyway." Sam was already naked, so he just went to the door and opened it up, then shifted and took off before she could see him start to cry. He went straight for the woods, and he figured that he would be able to find his way home eventually.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, angry and hurt and really confused. Taking a breath, she took out her phone and called Murphy. She wanted a little mothering right now.


Running on pure emotion, Sam easily got lost in the woods as he treaded in territory that wasn't theirs. As darkness came down he knew he was lost and finally just cowered down on the ground by a tree as he let himself cry. It was cold but he barely felt it, and he knew if he shifted back he would be dead by morning because of the cold. But he hadn't been trained yet to survive the night outside, and he was pissed that he wasn't spending it curled up with Heather happy like he had planned.

He wanted to give her a nice night, but he had to ruin it. Just like he always ruined everything that was good in his life. Maybe it was just a sign that Heather was better off without him. That everyone would be better off without him.

It wasn't Heather who went after Sam, but Murphy. He was very easy to track, considering he hadn't even tried to hide his tracks. Murphy trotted up to where he was sleeping and shifted to human. "You are a moron. Come on, there's a cabin I know around here. Hopefully the guy who owns it isn't there right now."

Sam whimpered and tried to pull away. He just wanted to be left alone. Everyone who tried to care for him got hurt. Why did they keep trying to take care of him?

She rolled her eyes and shifted back to wolf, then nipped at Sam's back legs. She meant now, none of his whining shit.

He growled and snapped at her, wanting her to just go away. He didn't care if she was the alpha. He was in full on Winchester pity mode and just wanted to be left alone in his misery.

He couldn't snap at her without consequences, even if he was really pathetic. She bit him, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to hint that if he didn't start showing her some respect, he'd get worse.

Getting up, he turned to look at her, keeping low to the ground, and his ears were back. He didn't care at the moment and he snarled at her, warning her to keep away from him more than anything else.

She snarled back, with more heat, more intent. If he didn't cower soon to her authority she'd have to put him in his place.

He watched her a moment longer, then realizing she wasn't going to stop so he just turned and took off running deeper into the woods as fast as his legs could move him.

Why were pups so stupid? Murphy rolled her eyes and chased after him, not as fast because he would tire quickly and it would be easy to catch him after that.

Running on pure emotion, he wasn't watching completely where he was going and a group of exposed tree roots got caught under his feet and he went down hard, tumbling a few feet before a tree trunk stopped his momentum. He whimpered in pain, trying to get up again before falling back into the snow and just closed his eyes, defeated.

After a few minutes Murphy trotted him to him and sighed heavily. Pups were so stupid. Especially twenty-something pups. She sat down in front of him and shifted back to human. "Your first mistake was not telling Heather right away. Your second mistake was trying to tell her on Valentine's Day. The third was running off and overreacting."

He just curled up into himself more, his body shaking until finally he shifted back on his own. "Just leave me alone," he whispered, holding his wrist close to his chest. "I screwed up, I know that, and I don't need you rubbing my face in it."

"I'm not rubbing your face in it, I'm laying out the facts and now I'm going to tell you something Heather's not going to. The last guy she was with, it was really serious. Head over heels kind of love and then he bit her. I had to kill him. We don't tolerate that behavior in packs. It broke her heart so you hiding you're leaving from her is stupid but it doesn't mean things are over. Unless you don't try to fix them before you leave."

"I thought they all knew already." He looked up at her, betrayed. "I knew we were just hiding that I was a hunter, but I thought you had told them that I was only staying a year. It wasn't until Heather really got close that I realized she didn't know. You all saw me trying to keep my distance. I didn't want to hurt her. I never want to hurt her, and now I've screwed everything up and I just shouldn't go back at all."

"Jesus, you're dramatic." She rolled her eyes. "Sam, I don't have big pack meetings about things unless it might cost someone their life. I figured you'd do it, since you were making friends. We both screwed up, but you're coming back. You still don't know everything you need to know about surviving as a wolf and seriously, aren't you selling Heather a little short not giving her a chance to forgive you?"

"Why should she forgive me? Anyone I've ever cared about has died on me. It's better off this way. I'll figure the rest of it out on my own..."

She smacked him. "Stop it. You're assuming Heather's like every other girl you've met. That's downright stupid. Do you really think that? Because if you do, I'll call your brother myself and send you back with him."

"I wouldn't know. Every girl I've ever loved has died before they had a chance to." He closed his eyes and looked away. "Just call my brother."

"We'll, you're going to find out now. Come on, let's go. Heather's waiting."

"I don't want to hurt her," he begged Murphy in his voice not to take him back. "If she took it badly that I have to leave to spend time with my brother, what's she going to do when she finds out I'm a hunter?"

"Maybe if you two actually talked to each other instead of just humping like rabbits, you might find out."

Sam glared at her for that one. "We do more than just have sex," he pointed out, insulted. "But she doesn't want to talk about her past, and I don't talk about mine because I know the second the pack finds out I'm a hunter I'm gone."

"You're not gone. You're under my protection, the Alpha always wins."

Sam shivered in the snow, knowing he wasn't going to win and he was too cold and hurting to argue further. "You said there was a cabin nearby?"

"Yeah, just ignore the funny smell." Hopefully, her friend wouldn't mind her interloping. "Change and we'll go there."

"Just go slow. My arm really hurts." He focused and whimpered in pain as he shifted back, then got unsteadily to his feet and lifted his front left one to not put his weight on it while he stood. It was then that he noticed the little bit of blood on the ground and he looked at his shoulder where the fur was matting and licked it a bit before looking at Murphy to guide him to wherever they were going.

Murphy led the way to a small one room cabin that was about a half a mile from where they were. She changed to human to get the key from above the door and open it for Sam. It was a sparse place, with a small kitchen, a fireplace and a single bed and table. She went for the fire first and let Sam do whatever he wanted.

Sam limped into the house and went for the bed, pulling the blanket off it and shifted back as he wrapped it around him with one arm, the other still pressed tightly against his chest. He held another blanket that was hanging over a chair and held it out to her.

"I'll be fine." She went to the small kitchen and opened one of the cabinets, pulling out a small duffel bag. She pulled out a flannel shirt, tossed it at him and put on the other one. "Like I said, this place belongs to a friend of mine."

Sam sniffed the shirt. "This your grizzly friend?" he asked, shrugging out of the blanket and carefully putting his hurt arm through the shirt. "I think I broke my arm..."

She nodded, but didn't say anything more than that. She pulled out a first aid kit and went over to him to check. "I think you might have fractured it, maybe just a bad bruise. We'll have Butters look at it when we get home tomorrow."

He was quiet, letting Murphy take care of him. "You've never asked me why Dean and I are hunters. Haven't you ever been curious?" he asked softly after awhile.

"Hunters come about for two reasons, the first is they're born into it. The second is something supernatural kills their family. I figured you didn't want to talk about it."

"My mom was killed when I was a baby," he said softly. Part of him just felt that if Murphy was going to one day have to stick up for him being a hunter, she deserved to know this. "A demon. My dad dedicated his life to trying to find the thing, and Dean and I just ended up coming along for the ride. But I hated it. I just wanted to be normal." He looked down at his hands. "I walked away from them when I graduated high school. Packed up and left and went to college, swearing I would never go back."

He licked his lips. "The demon had other plans, though. Dean asked me to help find our dad because he had gone missing. I was just gone a weekend. I got back, stretched out on my bed waiting for my girlfriend to come home... but she already was. The demon killed her, just like he had killed my mother. All because of me."

She snorted. "Not all because of you. Demons are in my experience a pain in the ass. He's got an agenda, whether it's just to piss you off or something bigger I don't know but I do know demons always have an angle."

Sam shook his head. "My dad died last year. He gave his life for Dean. But before he died, he told my brother that he needed to save me. Otherwise he was going to have to kill me." He looked up at Murphy, biting his lip. "We don't know what he meant by that, but ever since then, it feels like there's this darkness hovering over me. We've had to dodge hunters who were trying to hunt me long before I was even bit. Everyone I tried to save just seems to slip through my fingers. And then this."

"You know, you don't always have to hold on," she said gently. "Sometimes, people will stay without you having to do anything."

"I'm just waiting for it all to catch up to me," Sam admitted softly. "I'm afraid that eventually the demon or the hunter is going to find me and when they do, everyone is going to die. If I leave, she'll be safe."

"Yeah, no. No pack is ever safe. There are more hunters than weres these days. We're lucky out here because wolf activity is normal but other places." She shook her head and sighed. "It's an ugly world for weres right now."

"I'm more worried about the demon. I don't know what his plan is for me, or what he might do..."

"Trust me, if it comes after Heather, we'll hunt it down ourselves. It's a rule."

Sam shook his head. "You realize that could be you signing your own death warrant."

She laughed. "Sam, I'm a werewolf. People will kill me for just existing. I was born with a death warrant."

"Not like this." Sam looked up at her, and she could see just how damaged his life had left him. "You think this is bad? Try being trapped in your own body as a demon uses you to kill your brother. Or getting visions in which you watch people die and you can't get there in time to stop it and their screams echo in your ears while it feels like your head is about to explode." He crumbled a bit, his head resting in his hand. "It's just going to get worse, Murphy. All I wanted was to be normal and now I'm the furthest thing from it."

She ruffled his hair and then ran her fingers through it. "Normal's relative, Sam. What normal for us weres is vastly different from what's normal for other people. You seem pretty normal on my scale and you can try and scare me all you want but you're not getting rid of me or the pack. Get used to it."

He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. He was such a puppy at times and the physical affection was something he always longed for. "I have to go back to my brother, Murphy. He needs me too."

"And I'm not going to stop you." Since he seemed to like it so much she kept massaging the back of his head.

"I don't want to leave Heather either. I just don't know what to do. I can't be in both places at once. I don't want to leave... but Dean needs me too." He leaned against her, whimpering softly because he was hurting and confused and just wanted someone to tell him what the right thing to do was.

"When summer comes, your brother can spend a week with us which will give you time to figure things out."

Sam laughed a bit. "Kirmani and Morgan would kill my brother in a day. And not because he's a hunter."

"I won't let them." She patted his head. "You don't have to make a decision now. Focus on the more important thing, learning to be a wolf. The rest of it can be dealt with after that."

Sam nodded, then leaned into the couch a bit. "Alright. I'm... I just don't mean to a problem."

"Sam, you don't even rank as a minor annoyance on my scale."

"Even when I'm being 'dramatic'?"

"You should see Kirmani when he gets going."

"Why does that frighten me suddenly?"

She chuckled and patted his head again. "Get some rest kid. Your arm will need it."

"See you in the morning." He snuggled more into the blanket and couch, careful of his arm as he tried to get some sleep and dream of the way that he had really planned tonight to be.

Murphy stood watch until he was asleep and then left. She knew he'd be safe for a few minutes it took her to run back to the pack home and ordering Heather to replace her in watching over Sam. She was still pretty annoyed with Sam, but Murphy wasn't going to have any of it. The two of them were going to work it out or she was going to make life hell for them.

So, Heather went and scowled at Sam a little while he slept but there wasn't any real heat behind it. She still like the dope.

His exhaustion let him sleep through most of the night until he tried to turn in the couch right on his arm and he woke himself up, crying out in pain as he pulled his arm instinctively closer to him.

She couldn't ignore anyone in pain, especially someone she cared for. She rushed over, "Sam?"

His eyes opened and he saw Heather and instantly all the things that had happened came back and he bit his lip, trying to act tougher than he felt. "I'm fine..."

"No you're not, let me look." She reached gently for his arm.

He hesitated a moment, then sighed and let her see it. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

"Yeah, I know." He would be sorry. Sam was genuine like that. It was one of the things she liked about him. She sighed and went to get an ice pack from the fridge for his arm. "I can't make you stay. I'd like it if you did, but I can't make you."

He looked up at her. "I want to stay, Heather. I like it here. And more than anything, I want to be with you. But I can't just abandon my brother. I need to spend some time with him too." He watched her take care of his arm. "I'm all he really has left."

"So then, you go." She'd get over her disappointment. She put the ice pack to the bruise on his arm. "Keep that there. I'll get you something for the pain."

He grabbed her wrist gently and looked up at with his sad eyes. "Heather... please stop a moment and listen to me." He was begging her now. "You act like I'm leaving for good. Like I'm choosing one over the other. I'm not. I'm trying to figure out how it could be possible to keep both because I don't want to leave you. Why would you think I'd want to give you up? Or the pack? Not after everything that's happened."

"Because when people leave, they don't come back. Not in my experience." And she didn't want that to be the same with him, but she couldn't see it turning out that way.

"I'm not other people." He slid his hand into hers and squeezed it. "When I say something, I mean it. That's why I want to spend some time with my brother. So he doesn't think I've left him forever either. But you're right. I am a part of this pack, and you... you mean the world to me. I'd be crazy not to want to come back. I'd take you with me if I wasn't worried about my brother trying to steal you away from me." He gave her a soft smile. "You just have to trust me to figure out a way to live in both worlds. But I'm not going to abandon one for the other."

But it wouldn't be the same has having him all the time, that was what she really wanted. But she wasn't going to make demands either. He'd go, things would fall apart, they'd both hurt for awhile and then get over it. It didn't mean she couldn't enjoy what she had now with him.

"I trust you Sam." Even if she'd already made up her mind on how things would go, she still trusted him.

He got up and pulled her hand up against his heart. "Then trust me when I say that whether I'm with the pack, or I'm spending time with my brother, this is where I'm always going to know where to find you. You're in there, and there's no way you're getting out now."

"Okay."

"I'll prove it to you, I promise. Just don't write me off before I even leave. We have now. It'll be months before Dean can even make his way back here. I know I screwed up not telling you sooner. But don't pull away from me. Please."

"Hey, I'm here. What does that tell you?" She didn't want him questioning this. It would just make it worse.

"That Murphy is pissed at both of us?" Sam gave her a hesitant, playful smirk.

"Murphy's always pissed about something. Seriously, has a temper problem." But she smiled back.

He let go of her hand to run it along her cheek. "I'll make this crappy valentine's day up to you. I promise."

"It's okay Sam, really." She leaned into his touch lightly.

"No, it's not. I had a beautiful night planned. Just you and me being all romantic. Lavishing you with affection to show you how much you mean to me. I wanted to give you a night to remember."

"Well, I'll remember it..." she teased, trying to distract him with a bit of humor. "Everything up to that was great, it really was. It was one of the best days I've ever had."

He pulled her a bit closer so he could nuzzle her neck a bit. "I'm going to have to find a way to beat it without the angsty Winchester moment next time."

"Yeah, I'll hold you to that." She drew back, "Careful of your arm. We don't want to make it worse."

He looked at his arm and sighed. "Butters is going to have fun poking at it later."

"He'll be nice. He takes his profession seriously."

"Yeah, I know. But he might use it as a way to remind me that he doesn't appreciate me screwing up when it comes to you."