Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2008-10-21 12:17 pm
likely_evil) wrote2008-10-21 12:17 pm
Entry tags:
Past - ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
justprompts
this is a response fic for this post that was a response fic to this post. Ben = ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mini_dean, Dean = jstliketherifle, Alec = smart_alec494 and Ruby = ilove_atallman. Set in wayward_au verse
They were halfway to New Jersey because Ruby had insisted that Sam see Kutner, and that was where Kutner said to meet him. Which when Ruby insisted on something, she would make her point clear. And with the headaches coming back, Sam ultimately gave in - especially when Alec started to notice and join in on the insisting.
His only decree was not to let Ben know what was going on. There was something about the way that Ben felt that Sam knew he wasn't doing as well as he let himself appear. It was Dean's side showing in a way that Sam had experience with and could see.
If Ben learned that Sam was slowly dying - had been for awhile now - he had a feeling that last tendril of control he had would slip away and he would fall apart. So Sam made it very clear that he would keep Ben in the dark until it become necessary for him to know.
It was the images of a dream that woke Sam up. He saw it in fragments; Dad with yellow eyes; him holding the Colt; Dean begging him not to. Finally Sam opened his eyes, breathing hard as he tried to push the pain of the memories away.
Then he realized that it wasn't his memories playing in his head. The feelings were coming from elsewhere, as he could still feel them in the air. And they felt like Dean, but it was impossible.
Finally, Sam pulled himself free from where he had his arms wrapped around Ruby, pulling the blanket back up over her. Her eyes opened, and he just leaned down to kiss her shoulder. "I need to check on the boys. Stay here and rest. I'll be fine."
She gave him that look, rolling her eyes before she closed them. He knew she was only pretending, and would be awake the entire time he was gone, but he could act like he didn't know that. Just like he pretended that he was unaware of a lot of things.
He dressed quickly and walked out of the room, closing his eyes. Alec was out in the Impala with Jinx - the motel did not allow dogs in the rooms - but Ben was in his room. The feelings were stronger now as Sam stood outside the room, then carefully knocked. "Ben?"
It took a moment, but Ben opened the door. There were bags under the kid's eyes as he looked at his uncle, trying to put up the shields that had failed through the night. "Yeah? Something wrong?"
"Actually, I was coming to ask you that."
Ben lowered his eyes a moment, then opened the door to let Sam in. Sam looked around the room and saw the tossed bed before sitting down on the edge of it. "Where did you get those memories?" Sam asked gently.
"Is that what they are?" Ben went to get the bottle of water in the fridge. What was $4 going to matter on Edgar Poe's credit card? "I never see it completely. It's just flashes, like some freaky flip book with pages missing."
"It's real. Did you get it from me?"
Ben shook his head. "I don't think so. I've been seeing it almost every night since Dad died." He moved to sit next to Sam. "Over and over again, but never any clearer."
"Want me to tell you it? Your frustration with not knowing the complete story could be the reason for the constant reply." Sam watched Ben's face carefully, and made sure he masked the pain from his own mind. It wasn't the best of memories in his own head.
Ben thought for a moment, then nodded. "Can't hurt."
Sam snorted, then stood up just to walk to the window. "It was back in 2006. Dean and I had just found our Dad after spending months trying to track him down. We were hunting Azazel, who was the demon that had killed our mom as well as my girlfriend, Jess."
"Meg's father."
"One in the same. Dean and I hadn't realized it, but Azazel had possessed our father, hoping to get the Colt. Our father managed to push the demon down enough to beg me to kill him. Dean and I had just fought over what meant more - family or the demon - just hours beforehand. I knew that I could end it all by just shooting the kill. But I couldn't, and Azazel knew it. And as I tried to drive Dean and Dad to a hospital, one of his followers slammed a tracker trailer into the Impala, and almost killed Dean."
Sam spoke carefully, and Ben could feel the missing images of the story trickle out to fill in the gaps. Now it made sense. "It was history repeating itself..."
"Like a broken record." Sam sighed. "Not even a year later, Meg possessed me, and proved that Dean would never kill me, no matter what I did." His jaw was set, staring out the window.
"And then there was me."
"Meg's was personally aimed at him, and he couldn't kill you anymore than he could me. But he knew that if I had to, I would."
Ben looked at his uncle's back a moment, then stood up and walked over to him, leaning against the wall. "I'm glad to know that. I would rather be dead than have her in me still."
"But I wouldn't have killed Dean. She would have been able to control me if she was in him. She was just playing us all in the end."
Ben nodded, looking at the floor. "I told you that he ordered me to kill him, right?"
"Yeah, you mentioned that during those few days where you were in and out of unconsciousness."
"I didn't understand it before, but there was pride in his mind as he died. Now I think I get it."
Sam looked at Ben then, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You did something that neither of us were ever strong enough to do, Ben. You made him proud in that moment, even if it would be his last."
Ben looked up at his uncle and gave a half smile. "Good boy, Ben. Those were his last words he thought to me."
"Well, you did good. If Meg had gotten full control of Dean... we would probably all be dead by now." He squeezed the shoulder. "Never hate yourself for what you had to do. Hate the situation you were put into. Hate Meg for making it happen. But you did what had to be done, and neither Dean nor I could be prouder of you for that."
Ben thought a moment, then nodded. "Thanks."
"Now get back to sleep. We've got a long drive tomorrow."
"I've got my baby back, Sam. I'm all for long drives."
Sam smirked, then made his way back to his room, doing a mental check on Alec being ok before slipping in the door. He felt Ruby's eyes on him as he slipped out of his jeans and crawled back into bed.
"Everything alright?"
"Actually, it's getting there." Sam smiled at her before pulling her into his arms and closing his eyes, planning on following his own advice and getting some sleep of his own.
mini_dean, Dean = jstliketherifle, Alec = smart_alec494 and Ruby = ilove_atallman. Set in wayward_au verseThey were halfway to New Jersey because Ruby had insisted that Sam see Kutner, and that was where Kutner said to meet him. Which when Ruby insisted on something, she would make her point clear. And with the headaches coming back, Sam ultimately gave in - especially when Alec started to notice and join in on the insisting.
His only decree was not to let Ben know what was going on. There was something about the way that Ben felt that Sam knew he wasn't doing as well as he let himself appear. It was Dean's side showing in a way that Sam had experience with and could see.
If Ben learned that Sam was slowly dying - had been for awhile now - he had a feeling that last tendril of control he had would slip away and he would fall apart. So Sam made it very clear that he would keep Ben in the dark until it become necessary for him to know.
It was the images of a dream that woke Sam up. He saw it in fragments; Dad with yellow eyes; him holding the Colt; Dean begging him not to. Finally Sam opened his eyes, breathing hard as he tried to push the pain of the memories away.
Then he realized that it wasn't his memories playing in his head. The feelings were coming from elsewhere, as he could still feel them in the air. And they felt like Dean, but it was impossible.
Finally, Sam pulled himself free from where he had his arms wrapped around Ruby, pulling the blanket back up over her. Her eyes opened, and he just leaned down to kiss her shoulder. "I need to check on the boys. Stay here and rest. I'll be fine."
She gave him that look, rolling her eyes before she closed them. He knew she was only pretending, and would be awake the entire time he was gone, but he could act like he didn't know that. Just like he pretended that he was unaware of a lot of things.
He dressed quickly and walked out of the room, closing his eyes. Alec was out in the Impala with Jinx - the motel did not allow dogs in the rooms - but Ben was in his room. The feelings were stronger now as Sam stood outside the room, then carefully knocked. "Ben?"
It took a moment, but Ben opened the door. There were bags under the kid's eyes as he looked at his uncle, trying to put up the shields that had failed through the night. "Yeah? Something wrong?"
"Actually, I was coming to ask you that."
Ben lowered his eyes a moment, then opened the door to let Sam in. Sam looked around the room and saw the tossed bed before sitting down on the edge of it. "Where did you get those memories?" Sam asked gently.
"Is that what they are?" Ben went to get the bottle of water in the fridge. What was $4 going to matter on Edgar Poe's credit card? "I never see it completely. It's just flashes, like some freaky flip book with pages missing."
"It's real. Did you get it from me?"
Ben shook his head. "I don't think so. I've been seeing it almost every night since Dad died." He moved to sit next to Sam. "Over and over again, but never any clearer."
"Want me to tell you it? Your frustration with not knowing the complete story could be the reason for the constant reply." Sam watched Ben's face carefully, and made sure he masked the pain from his own mind. It wasn't the best of memories in his own head.
Ben thought for a moment, then nodded. "Can't hurt."
Sam snorted, then stood up just to walk to the window. "It was back in 2006. Dean and I had just found our Dad after spending months trying to track him down. We were hunting Azazel, who was the demon that had killed our mom as well as my girlfriend, Jess."
"Meg's father."
"One in the same. Dean and I hadn't realized it, but Azazel had possessed our father, hoping to get the Colt. Our father managed to push the demon down enough to beg me to kill him. Dean and I had just fought over what meant more - family or the demon - just hours beforehand. I knew that I could end it all by just shooting the kill. But I couldn't, and Azazel knew it. And as I tried to drive Dean and Dad to a hospital, one of his followers slammed a tracker trailer into the Impala, and almost killed Dean."
Sam spoke carefully, and Ben could feel the missing images of the story trickle out to fill in the gaps. Now it made sense. "It was history repeating itself..."
"Like a broken record." Sam sighed. "Not even a year later, Meg possessed me, and proved that Dean would never kill me, no matter what I did." His jaw was set, staring out the window.
"And then there was me."
"Meg's was personally aimed at him, and he couldn't kill you anymore than he could me. But he knew that if I had to, I would."
Ben looked at his uncle's back a moment, then stood up and walked over to him, leaning against the wall. "I'm glad to know that. I would rather be dead than have her in me still."
"But I wouldn't have killed Dean. She would have been able to control me if she was in him. She was just playing us all in the end."
Ben nodded, looking at the floor. "I told you that he ordered me to kill him, right?"
"Yeah, you mentioned that during those few days where you were in and out of unconsciousness."
"I didn't understand it before, but there was pride in his mind as he died. Now I think I get it."
Sam looked at Ben then, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You did something that neither of us were ever strong enough to do, Ben. You made him proud in that moment, even if it would be his last."
Ben looked up at his uncle and gave a half smile. "Good boy, Ben. Those were his last words he thought to me."
"Well, you did good. If Meg had gotten full control of Dean... we would probably all be dead by now." He squeezed the shoulder. "Never hate yourself for what you had to do. Hate the situation you were put into. Hate Meg for making it happen. But you did what had to be done, and neither Dean nor I could be prouder of you for that."
Ben thought a moment, then nodded. "Thanks."
"Now get back to sleep. We've got a long drive tomorrow."
"I've got my baby back, Sam. I'm all for long drives."
Sam smirked, then made his way back to his room, doing a mental check on Alec being ok before slipping in the door. He felt Ruby's eyes on him as he slipped out of his jeans and crawled back into bed.
"Everything alright?"
"Actually, it's getting there." Sam smiled at her before pulling her into his arms and closing his eyes, planning on following his own advice and getting some sleep of his own.
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