Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2009-10-03 11:04 pm
likely_evil) wrote2009-10-03 11:04 pm
Losing your grip until it all slips away like sand sifting through your hand...
Inspired by this pic and follows this piece in detective!verse
The funny thing was, Sam didn't remember exactly when he had gotten in over his head. He didn't remember much at all; not in the years since Dad had died, that's for sure. The streets of Chicago were not friendly, and Sam Winchester had learned that fact the hard way.
His father had been a big time Detective with the Chicago PD. Detective Sergent. Mom had died when Sam was a baby, so all he ever had to look up to was his dad and of course, Dean. When Dean decided to become an officer as well, Sam decided he would too. But as he hit puberty and suddenly became a scrawny, clumsy beanpole... Dad said it wouldn't be something he could do.
All Sam wanted to do was make Dad proud. So he decided he was going to be a lawyer. A prosecutor even. Dad and Dean would arrest the bad guys, and Sam would make sure they stayed behind bars. A family cleaning up the streets of Chicago one crime at a time.
Then the dream fell apart that day John Winchester died, taking a bullet for Dean's life. Everyone said he was a hero. That Dean would be dead otherwise. But at the funeral, Sam looked over at his brother and he saw the truth written on Dean's face: Dean had gotten Dad killed.
Everything went downhill from there, and his life slipped away like sand between his fingers. He couldn't concentrate on classes now because there was no one to make proud. His straight A's turned into C's and D's and they tried to convince him to take a leave of absence before they just kicked him out. Sam didn't tell Dean, though. He got up every day, dressed and headed out only to spend the day just walking along the streets.
Then he met Ruby at some seedy bar in a part of town Sam really knew better than to be in. But he was hurting and alone and she nailed him as a mark, taking him back to her place with sweet promises that she could make the pain go away.
It was so innocent. He started with just inhaling the smoke. Chasing the Dragon, she called it. Weeks went by and the first of many needles pierced his skin, and he swore he was in love. Shooting up, screwing, sleeping. His life had a new cycle and it made him forget about the pain. Forget about his failures and Dean's face and everything just felt good for the first time in a long time.
Dean figured it out though. Bills for owed tuition started to come in, and Sam stayed away more and more. The few times Dean did see his brother between shifts, he noticed the weight loss. Finally, a bad hit left Sam a mess in the living room, and Dean cleaning up after his baby brother again.
He was locked in rehab when Dean went to jail. They said he was clean when they let him go, but Sam knew they did it only because they didn't want to care for the kid brother of a murderer. He was back on the streets and had no idea where to go, and he needed something so bad.
There was one time Sam tried to visit Dean, but he stood outside the jail in his jeans and hoodie in the rain and couldn't make himself go inside. Instead he went to a church to pray for guidance, forgiveness and protection.
He made it two months. Dad always told him that if he kept his head down and nose clean, no one would notice him. Sam tried, by god he tried. He worked as a busboy at a bar, making enough to afford rent on the basement apartment below. Then Ruby walked in.
I've gone straight, Ruby. I'm not going back.
I miss you, Sammy... remember it was me who made the pain go away. I'm looking at you now, and you're in more pain than ever. Let me help.
No. I... I have to do this on my own.
No you don't. That's what they tell you, but you don't Sammy. You don't. When you are ready, you know where I'll be. And I will make all the pain go away.
Sam was naked in her bed three days later, strung out high as a kite and watching her beautiful body on top of his as they rode their own path to bliss. Years went by and Sam needed more and more as his appetite grew, and Ruby kept supplying it to him. In return, he had to start earning it, and once she found out that Sam was a natural with a gun, he became a bodyguard during deals.
He might have killed a few people. He wasn't sure. The drugs made him forget a lot during that time. Though he remembered being brought in on another charge when he saw Dean again, out of jail and back on the police force. Sam could see that Dean barely recognized his baby brother, and the fight in the interrogation room was better blacked out.
Sam had stopped caring what people thought about him years ago. All he wanted was to not feel the pain anymore.
The next day had Sam back at rehab, but this time he fought them tooth and nail, refusing treatment to the point where he was kept drugged up for his own good - a thing he found hilarious. Then one summer night there was a black out and the residents revolted. One grabbed onto Sam and helped him out, and hours later he was back with Ruby.
Dean found them the next day, and it was something Sam remembered well. Dean drew on Ruby and in the matter of seconds Sam had her behind him and drew on his own brother.
"She's poison, Sam!"
"You don't know her. She knows what I'm going through. You don't. You never will."
They had backed out of the abandoned building and took off running. Ruby said she had an old friend that could watch out after them for awhile. They got to an older part of town, and that was where Sam met Alistair.
Alistair liked Sam right away, though Sam wasn't sure why. He didn't care though, as long as Alistair kept him supplied; which he did as long as Sam worked for him delivering cash to "customers".
Everything was good until Sam got attacked on one such delivery job, losing a case with a little over a hundred grand in it. Beaten and bloody, he returned to Alistair to tell him what happened. Instead of sympathy, Sam was made an example of as the "Butcher" took his knife and carved into Sam and listened to each scream until Sam passed out from the pain.
When he opened his eyes again, he found himself on a gurney in an ambulance, looking over at a man with the bluest eyes he had ever seen. "Just hold on, Sam. We're almost there."
Sam raised a free hand slowly, reaching up to touch the golden cross that had slipped out of the cop's shirt. Then he just closed his eyes and let himself slip back into the blessed blackness of unconsciousness, a tiny word of thanks to God for sending someone to watch over him finally after all these years of waiting.
The funny thing was, Sam didn't remember exactly when he had gotten in over his head. He didn't remember much at all; not in the years since Dad had died, that's for sure. The streets of Chicago were not friendly, and Sam Winchester had learned that fact the hard way.
His father had been a big time Detective with the Chicago PD. Detective Sergent. Mom had died when Sam was a baby, so all he ever had to look up to was his dad and of course, Dean. When Dean decided to become an officer as well, Sam decided he would too. But as he hit puberty and suddenly became a scrawny, clumsy beanpole... Dad said it wouldn't be something he could do.
All Sam wanted to do was make Dad proud. So he decided he was going to be a lawyer. A prosecutor even. Dad and Dean would arrest the bad guys, and Sam would make sure they stayed behind bars. A family cleaning up the streets of Chicago one crime at a time.
Then the dream fell apart that day John Winchester died, taking a bullet for Dean's life. Everyone said he was a hero. That Dean would be dead otherwise. But at the funeral, Sam looked over at his brother and he saw the truth written on Dean's face: Dean had gotten Dad killed.
Everything went downhill from there, and his life slipped away like sand between his fingers. He couldn't concentrate on classes now because there was no one to make proud. His straight A's turned into C's and D's and they tried to convince him to take a leave of absence before they just kicked him out. Sam didn't tell Dean, though. He got up every day, dressed and headed out only to spend the day just walking along the streets.
Then he met Ruby at some seedy bar in a part of town Sam really knew better than to be in. But he was hurting and alone and she nailed him as a mark, taking him back to her place with sweet promises that she could make the pain go away.
It was so innocent. He started with just inhaling the smoke. Chasing the Dragon, she called it. Weeks went by and the first of many needles pierced his skin, and he swore he was in love. Shooting up, screwing, sleeping. His life had a new cycle and it made him forget about the pain. Forget about his failures and Dean's face and everything just felt good for the first time in a long time.
Dean figured it out though. Bills for owed tuition started to come in, and Sam stayed away more and more. The few times Dean did see his brother between shifts, he noticed the weight loss. Finally, a bad hit left Sam a mess in the living room, and Dean cleaning up after his baby brother again.
He was locked in rehab when Dean went to jail. They said he was clean when they let him go, but Sam knew they did it only because they didn't want to care for the kid brother of a murderer. He was back on the streets and had no idea where to go, and he needed something so bad.
There was one time Sam tried to visit Dean, but he stood outside the jail in his jeans and hoodie in the rain and couldn't make himself go inside. Instead he went to a church to pray for guidance, forgiveness and protection.
He made it two months. Dad always told him that if he kept his head down and nose clean, no one would notice him. Sam tried, by god he tried. He worked as a busboy at a bar, making enough to afford rent on the basement apartment below. Then Ruby walked in.
I've gone straight, Ruby. I'm not going back.
I miss you, Sammy... remember it was me who made the pain go away. I'm looking at you now, and you're in more pain than ever. Let me help.
No. I... I have to do this on my own.
No you don't. That's what they tell you, but you don't Sammy. You don't. When you are ready, you know where I'll be. And I will make all the pain go away.
Sam was naked in her bed three days later, strung out high as a kite and watching her beautiful body on top of his as they rode their own path to bliss. Years went by and Sam needed more and more as his appetite grew, and Ruby kept supplying it to him. In return, he had to start earning it, and once she found out that Sam was a natural with a gun, he became a bodyguard during deals.
He might have killed a few people. He wasn't sure. The drugs made him forget a lot during that time. Though he remembered being brought in on another charge when he saw Dean again, out of jail and back on the police force. Sam could see that Dean barely recognized his baby brother, and the fight in the interrogation room was better blacked out.
Sam had stopped caring what people thought about him years ago. All he wanted was to not feel the pain anymore.
The next day had Sam back at rehab, but this time he fought them tooth and nail, refusing treatment to the point where he was kept drugged up for his own good - a thing he found hilarious. Then one summer night there was a black out and the residents revolted. One grabbed onto Sam and helped him out, and hours later he was back with Ruby.
Dean found them the next day, and it was something Sam remembered well. Dean drew on Ruby and in the matter of seconds Sam had her behind him and drew on his own brother.
"She's poison, Sam!"
"You don't know her. She knows what I'm going through. You don't. You never will."
They had backed out of the abandoned building and took off running. Ruby said she had an old friend that could watch out after them for awhile. They got to an older part of town, and that was where Sam met Alistair.
Alistair liked Sam right away, though Sam wasn't sure why. He didn't care though, as long as Alistair kept him supplied; which he did as long as Sam worked for him delivering cash to "customers".
Everything was good until Sam got attacked on one such delivery job, losing a case with a little over a hundred grand in it. Beaten and bloody, he returned to Alistair to tell him what happened. Instead of sympathy, Sam was made an example of as the "Butcher" took his knife and carved into Sam and listened to each scream until Sam passed out from the pain.
When he opened his eyes again, he found himself on a gurney in an ambulance, looking over at a man with the bluest eyes he had ever seen. "Just hold on, Sam. We're almost there."
Sam raised a free hand slowly, reaching up to touch the golden cross that had slipped out of the cop's shirt. Then he just closed his eyes and let himself slip back into the blessed blackness of unconsciousness, a tiny word of thanks to God for sending someone to watch over him finally after all these years of waiting.
ooc
no subject
Great history.