Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2009-05-09 10:31 pm
likely_evil) wrote2009-05-09 10:31 pm
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justprompts Just One Simple Word - Love.
ooc: takes place after this.
The mission over, Sam slept for a good four hours on the CONTROL jet that brought him back to the states. Partially it was from exhaustion, though the drugs to numb the pain from the bullet wound on his arm were helping nicely.
Once he got back to base, he was patched up better and spent a few hours in debriefing. Somewhere along the way he also managed to catch a quick shower, though he didn't have a shaving kit at work to get rid of the scruff.
After that, he sat and talked with the Chief. He needed advice about what to do, and he would be the only one who would know Sam and Beth well enough to give good advice.
"Sam, I can't tell you what to do. You and 99 are good kids, but neither of you ever seem to know what you really want. I've been worried about you two being together for awhile. I was hoping 99 and Max would actually have worked. They were good for each other."
Sam slumped a bit in his chair. "It just feels like for all I love her, all I ever give her is heartache. And I don't want to do that anymore."
The Chief leaned forward on his desk. "I think the question you need to ask yourself, 23, is what you want. You need that first, and from there you can figure everything else out."
He thought a moment, then looked at the Chief. "I want a family. I want Beth to marry me, and raise our kid. I want her happy, and I want to be the one to make her happy."
"And to do that..."
Sam nodded. "I'm going to have to stop being an agent. I'm sorry."
"Well, I figured I was going to lose one of you with this." The Chief leaned back and laced his fingers in his lap. "Good thing I have a position open in the analysts division."
Sam sat up. "You mean..."
"I'm not going to lose my occult agent because he's fallen in love. Give you normal working hours, and only be involved on a mission if needed and when 99 is not on one."
"Thank you."
"Now go home and see your family, 23. 99's on a local thing but should be back in a few hours. Give you time to settle in and..." he motioned to Sam's face.
"Gotcha."
He got home to an empty house. Instantly, he noticed that things were different as he put his bag down at the living room. Furniture was moved, walls were painted. He hadn't been gone that long, had he?
Fear crept into his heart, thinking that Beth had given up on him and moved on. Then as he walked towards their bedroom, he stopped. There were pictures on the wall. There had never been pictures on the wall before but now there were. His finger ran along them, smiling a bit at some of them. Pictures of him and Beth mainly, some of her family and their friends. One of Sam and Bobby she had snuck once while they were sitting on the porch.
And one of Dean. She must have gotten it from Bobby because it was old, back before he had died. It was of him and Dean when Sam was seventeen, sitting on the hood of the Impala. It was Sam's first beer, well, his first one that Bobby had given him. Sam was as tall as Dean at that point, and skinny as a beanpole.
He looked in their bedroom and it was mostly the same. New bedding, cleaned up a bit. He walked over to his bedside and looked at the new books there, smiling because they were ones he didn't know had been released yet.
Next was across the hall to the spare room where he stopped and just looked around. The room had finally been decorated for the baby - something he had hoped to help with. But as he looked around, he saw how perfect it was that he wouldn't think of it being any way different.
Looking in the crib, he saw the bear and picked it up. His eyes took in the words on the shirt and he felt tears come to his eyes. He managed to stumble back to sit in the rocker, holding the bear with one hand while he cupped his chin with the other.
A boy. They were having a boy. A son.
He had to make this right. Sam loved Beth more than he had any other person. More than Jess, and he was certain of this. He needed her, and he had to show her that: show her just how much he loved her.
And hope she would believe him this time.
The mission over, Sam slept for a good four hours on the CONTROL jet that brought him back to the states. Partially it was from exhaustion, though the drugs to numb the pain from the bullet wound on his arm were helping nicely.
Once he got back to base, he was patched up better and spent a few hours in debriefing. Somewhere along the way he also managed to catch a quick shower, though he didn't have a shaving kit at work to get rid of the scruff.
After that, he sat and talked with the Chief. He needed advice about what to do, and he would be the only one who would know Sam and Beth well enough to give good advice.
"Sam, I can't tell you what to do. You and 99 are good kids, but neither of you ever seem to know what you really want. I've been worried about you two being together for awhile. I was hoping 99 and Max would actually have worked. They were good for each other."
Sam slumped a bit in his chair. "It just feels like for all I love her, all I ever give her is heartache. And I don't want to do that anymore."
The Chief leaned forward on his desk. "I think the question you need to ask yourself, 23, is what you want. You need that first, and from there you can figure everything else out."
He thought a moment, then looked at the Chief. "I want a family. I want Beth to marry me, and raise our kid. I want her happy, and I want to be the one to make her happy."
"And to do that..."
Sam nodded. "I'm going to have to stop being an agent. I'm sorry."
"Well, I figured I was going to lose one of you with this." The Chief leaned back and laced his fingers in his lap. "Good thing I have a position open in the analysts division."
Sam sat up. "You mean..."
"I'm not going to lose my occult agent because he's fallen in love. Give you normal working hours, and only be involved on a mission if needed and when 99 is not on one."
"Thank you."
"Now go home and see your family, 23. 99's on a local thing but should be back in a few hours. Give you time to settle in and..." he motioned to Sam's face.
"Gotcha."
He got home to an empty house. Instantly, he noticed that things were different as he put his bag down at the living room. Furniture was moved, walls were painted. He hadn't been gone that long, had he?
Fear crept into his heart, thinking that Beth had given up on him and moved on. Then as he walked towards their bedroom, he stopped. There were pictures on the wall. There had never been pictures on the wall before but now there were. His finger ran along them, smiling a bit at some of them. Pictures of him and Beth mainly, some of her family and their friends. One of Sam and Bobby she had snuck once while they were sitting on the porch.
And one of Dean. She must have gotten it from Bobby because it was old, back before he had died. It was of him and Dean when Sam was seventeen, sitting on the hood of the Impala. It was Sam's first beer, well, his first one that Bobby had given him. Sam was as tall as Dean at that point, and skinny as a beanpole.
He looked in their bedroom and it was mostly the same. New bedding, cleaned up a bit. He walked over to his bedside and looked at the new books there, smiling because they were ones he didn't know had been released yet.
Next was across the hall to the spare room where he stopped and just looked around. The room had finally been decorated for the baby - something he had hoped to help with. But as he looked around, he saw how perfect it was that he wouldn't think of it being any way different.
Looking in the crib, he saw the bear and picked it up. His eyes took in the words on the shirt and he felt tears come to his eyes. He managed to stumble back to sit in the rocker, holding the bear with one hand while he cupped his chin with the other.
A boy. They were having a boy. A son.
He had to make this right. Sam loved Beth more than he had any other person. More than Jess, and he was certain of this. He needed her, and he had to show her that: show her just how much he loved her.
And hope she would believe him this time.
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"I love you, Sam. I do. I just...hate us sometimes. The way we talk to each other, the way we handle things. It's not easy, and I don't think it ever will be. But...I'm willing to work on it if you are. I...need you to understand though that...it's too hard for me. The Dean thing. I don't want to be with him anymore. He's...he's not my Dean. My Dean is still gone. And that's part of why it's so hard for me to consider having him in my life again. And...I hate that whatever he's going through, he's relying on that...woman. Maybe it's part jealousy, but mostly...it's protectiveness. And I think that's really been bothering me and making this harder." She played with her fingers and looked up at him.
"All the same, I know he's your brother, Sam. And as angry as I get...whatever I say to try and hurt you when we're screaming...I would never take that away from you. I want you two to have each other. I just...I can't be a part of it. You...our son...you two need to hold onto Dean, but I can't. I'm sorry if it complicates things, but...I just...can't." She chewed her lip and looked away, her eyes tearing up as she got emotional. Damn hormones. "The only thing I request is that our son never be anywhere near Ruby. I refuse to let her poison another Winchester."
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He licked his lips a bit. "Dean's my brother, Beth. And before we were together, he was your lover. Part of me feared you were going to leave me for him when he came back. And sometimes it feels like you want me to make a choice between him and you. I... I never want to have to make that choice, Beth, because I can't survive without either of you." He looked back up at her.
"You are the love of my life, and the mother of my child. I will never leave you to go off with Dean. That's not my life anymore. This is, here with you and our son, and hopefully more children if you don't castrate me during after childbirth." He gave her a small smile. "I would never throw this away for anything."
"But I need my brother, and he needs me too. If you don't want to be a part of it, then I will respect your wishes on that. There may come times though that I will need to go help him. Just like I know if something happens to us, he will come to my side. I would hope one day in the future that perhaps you two could be in a room together for a family occasion and be comfortable, but if that's not something you can handle, I understand. And I don't ever want to be in the same room as Ruby either, so don't worry about our son getting contact with her. That won't happen."
His thumb played on the back of her hand. "What hurts me the most is when you try and push me away... like you don't want me to be in your life. You shut down and stop talking to me. To make this work, I need you to stop doing that. I'm here. I'm broken still, but I am working on fixing myself. I just need to know you still want me."
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She chewed her lip and sighed. "I've never been an open person, and...it's hard for me to be. I can try, but...I can only try. And, I do want you. I want this. But sometimes I feel like...you resent me. Or that...I have to tiptoe around you so that I won't piss you off. Sometimes...it seems like you need me too much, need me to be...your big brother or parent....and I can't...I'm not that. I'm just me."
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He bit his lip. "It wasn't right for me to cling to you the way I did, and I'm sorry. I just needed someone and you stepped into that spot. When I was with you, I didn't hurt as much. I didn't realize what it was doing to you."
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He squeezed her hand. "When I wake up and you're in my arms, I'm happier than I've been in a long time, Beth. Knowing that there's a piece of you and me about to come into this world fills me with it. What we have makes me happy, and I don't want to lose it. I'm never going to walk away from it, not even for Dean."
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He leaned close and kissed her gently.
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"Wow... that's really him, isn't it?" His mission had kept him away that he had missed this part.
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His hand ran along Beth's stomach and he smiled to himself. "I had a talk with the Chief in my debriefing... I'm transferring to the analyst division." He looked back up at her. "That way I can always be home, and you can still go on missions after the baby is born. I know how much you love your job..."