Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2009-03-31 09:45 pm
likely_evil) wrote2009-03-31 09:45 pm
Filling in the Blanks, and Starting down the Road...
ooc: a few days after this
Angeline arrived in South Dakota a few days after she heard the news about Dean's death. She didn't like leaving her daughter alone while she was still on life support, but she knew that with both parents out of commission, she and Sam were going to have to have a discussion about how her grandson was to be raised. She had quite a few concerns, given his breeding, and she knew it was either talk to Sam now, or barge in later, and she knew that sooner was better than later.
Adjusting the sunglasses on her face, she climbed out of the car she'd rented for the occasion and pulled the coat more tightly around herself. This little patch of America was almost artic compared to the warm, balmy heat of New Orleans, and she just shivered as she made her way to the door, knocking on it loudly before glancing around. She silently hoped for a moment that Sam was planning on getting a place of his own, because really -- a salvage yard was no place to raise a child.
It wasn't Sam who came to the door, but instead Bobby. He had heard the strange car pulling up in the gravel and grabbed his shotgun. It was resting just on the other side of the door when he opened it a bit, looking at the woman on the other side. "Can I help ya?" he asked, shifting his arm behind the door a bit to make sure that the gun was aimed correctly. He couldn't take any risks on demons coming after Sam or Dean's boy, especially not with how Sam was at the moment.
Angeline looked him over for a minute, before raising an eyebrow behind her sunglasses. "Is Sam Winchester here, or do I have the wrong Singer Salvage?"
"Sorry, don't know've any Sam Winchesters," Bobby stated easily. "There's another Singer Salvage though cross the state. Might be trying there."
"Listen, Mr. Singer, I did not fly all the way from New O'leans to be yanked around by some hillbilly hunter who thought he was doin' what was best." She crossed her arms in front of her chest as she pulled off her sunglasses, looking him evenly in the eye. Figuring out he was lying had been easy enough -- she was telepathic after all. "My name is Angeline Walker, and I'm here to see my grandson. You don't want to get in my way on this one."
Bobby gave her another look, then backed away. "If yer the kid's grandmother, you'd 'preciate me doing what's best to protect these boys. Especially after what's happened." He motioned for her to enter the living room, then closed the door and checked on the salt lines before putting the shotgun down. "Dean's mentioned Tina a bit. Sorry ta hear 'bout her condition."
"You and me both, sugah," she replied softly, glancing around the living room as she did. She let her eyes wander over the books and clutter left around the room, and started to make her way over to one of the piles, brushing her fingers across the binding of one of them as she read it, before pulling away to brush the dust from her fingers. "Is Sam here?"
"You can say that. Hasn't really moved much since we burned..." Bobby took a deep breath. "He's upstairs with the babe. Don't expect to get much from him. He's still in shock. Only one he responds ta is Johnny right now."
"I think I can manage to get somethin' out of him," she said quietly, before starting to move towards the stairs. "Which way?"
"Third door on the left." Bobby watched her go up, then headed towards the kitchen. "Hope you get better luck than I got."
In the room, there was a bed and a crib. Johnny was asleep, bundled carefully by hands that wanted to make sure he was safe. Stuffed animals were on other end to prevent him from rolling into the bars. Clothing was neatly folded on the trunk at the foot of the bed - at least the baby's clothing was.
Sam was sitting in a chair by the window. He was asleep as well, unshaven and looking thin and sick. His arm was resting on the windowsill, his head on top of it. Shadows from the sunlight made his face look darker and the lines deeper. He hadn't been sleeping much because of nightmares and getting used to being a father to a baby without a schedule. He wasn't allowing himself to grieve either because he had a baby to take care of. He couldn't break apart, not even for a second - and it was starting to wear his spirit thin.
Angeline made her way into the room, and sighed slightly at the sight in front of her. Sam was sleeping, and he looked as though he needed it, so Angeline felt it was best to leave him there for the time being. Instead, she turned towards the crib, making her way over to the sleeping baby, and leaned over him with a soft smile.
"There you are, little man," she whispered quietly, letting her head brush over the top of the baby's head. "Such a beautiful little boy. Which you should be -- your father, for all his faults, was still a rather handsome man. Let's just hope that's all you inherited from him, hmm?" The last part was mostly a joke. She knew Dean had plenty of redeeming qualities, but the day she'd admit it would be the day she died, even if he already was dead.
The voice and presence in the room woke Sam up pretty quickly. He didn't move though, just opened his eyes. Then he licked his lips, his voice rough. "My brother was a good man," he spoke softly, a warning in his tone not to dare say something bad of the dead. "Johnny will be lucky if he grows up to be even half of that."
Angeline looked up at him with a teasing smile, before straightening a bit to look him in the eye. "I know, Sam. Your brother had a very good heart. He was one of the few hunters I would actually let set foot in my house. However, he was still a rather large pain in my ass, and I reserve the right to tease him as I please -- even if he's no longer able to snipe back." Because Dean certainly wasn't gone completely. She could feel his presence lurking in the corners of the house, just out of range, but close enough to watch.
"You're not taking him." That was the only thing Sam could think of with Angeline being here - Sam had never been a father and except for helping Dean hadn't really had first hand experience. Angeline was a grandmother and would know better. The rational part of his mind knew that. But Johnny was all Sam had left of Dean and right now if he lost that, he wouldn't be able to keep the few threads of himself from snapping. "I told Dean I would watch over him, and I'm keeping my word on that."
Angeline gave him a soft look, before shaking her head, starting to make her way around the crib towards the man by the window. "I wouldn't dream of takin' him from you, Sam. I'm just here to help, that's all." She paused for a moment, taking his head gently in her hands and tilting his face up so that she could look at him. "Lord only knows you look like you could use it, darlin'. And he's my grandson -- I can take care of him for a little while, while you take care of yourself."
He wet his lips, his eyes looking away from her even if his head couldn't. "I'll survive. I always do." Whether I want to or not...
She moved her hands to his forehead, brushing his hair back from his face lightly. She could feel the weight of Dean's death on his mind, and she knew that holding in that kind of pain wasn't healthy. "You need to grieve. You just lost your brother -- the only family you had." She paused for a moment, before sliding her arms around him and pulling him closer. "You're allowed to let it all go," she whispered into the top of his head. Whether or not he pushed her away -- he needed to know that someone was there.
He was stiff in her arms, almost as if he was trying to keep from doing what she asked, but he couldn't hold it up. He was just so shattered and it hurt so he went limp in her arms, his own sliding around her as he just let himself cry. He didn't want to let go of his brother. He couldn't let go of his brother because his brother was such a deep and embedded part of his own soul. This was worse than when Dean had died from his deal. There had been things to hunt. Demons to blame and hurt and kill but now they were gone and all that was left was a tiny baby and Sam feeling so guilty that he couldn't keep Dean alive to be able to raise his own son. It was his fault, his fault why the demons always came after them. He was the boy with the demon blood and his family had always suffered for it and now Johnny was going to have to suffer too and why did he have to be the one who lived when it should have been Dean who survived to hold Johnny and keep the nightmares away at night?
"That's it," she said softly. "Just take it easy, darlin'. I gotcha."
"It should have been me," Sam said between sobs. "I'm the one they wanted. They've always wanted me. Dean should be here and not me..."
"I know, honey. I know," she said softly. "Sometimes things just don't work out the way they're supposed to, that's all. Nothin' you can do about it now."
"How is he going to know how good of a man his father was?"Sam was clinging now, curling into Angeline. Bobby had already done with a sobbing Sam once, but they were men. Sam couldn't break down like this in front of Bobby. He just needed to be held and made to feel that everything was going to be ok.
"Well, someone's gotta tell him, Sam," she said softly, running her fingers through his hair gently. "He's got you, Bobby, all o' Dean's old friends. I know Gina will happily tell him all the stories he wants in a heartbeat. Even I've got one or two here and there." She sighed softly. "Dean won't be forgotten, sugah. Not so long as Johnny's got people like you to remember him."
Sam nodded, starting to calm down. She had already addressed his two biggest fears - having Johnny taken away, and how to make sure he knew who Dean was. He sniffled a bit, focusing on calming down and breathing. "No more hunting. I told Bobby I wasn't going to hunt any more."
"Good." That made Angeline feel a whole lot better all by itself. If he was going to continue hunting with a child this young, she was going to have to smack some sense into him. But since he already came to that conclusion on his own, she just nodded, and pulled away so that she was looking at him a little more. "Why don't you go get some sleep? Real sleep, in a bed. I'll sit with the baby for a little while, alright?"
Sam's eyes instantly went to the crib. It was obvious that the baby was a lifeline he was clinging too, and his hesitation was there because of it. She was right. He needed to sleep. Eat some real food. And he was pretty sure that his clothes were not meant to be worn this many days in a row without a real shower.
He was also afraid of the nightmares and images there were haunting him every time he closed his eyes. "I don't know..."
"You need sleep, Sam. Even if it's just for a couple hours. Sleep, clean up a bit -- just enough so that you feel a little more human again. We're all still gonna be here when you're finished."
He bit his lip, then nodded and stood up. "Alright, just a few hours. But if anything happens wake me up." He then went to stand by the crib, his fingers running along Johnny's cheek a moment. Just in case. Sam had learned the hard way now that you can't take any leaving for granted in case someone never came back.
"I will," she nodded, before taking his spot in the chair. "Besides -- me and this little man need to get to know each other better anyway." She gave him a small smile. "He's in good hands."
"His stuff is in the trunk. There's a bottle or two made in the fridge. Bobby knows where everything else is." Johnny was waking up so Sam leaned closer, cooing softly to the baby as he lifted him up. A week of forced fatherhood had taught him how to hold the child in a way he preferred and Johnny's hazel eyes looked at Sam brightly. "Hey little guy, Uncle Sam's going to go take a nap now, but your grandma is here. She's going to take good care of you, so no screaming when I'm gone." He looked up at Angeline. "Bobby said he wouldn't stop crying around the time Dean died - didn't stop until I picked him up afterward, and now he will get upset if he can't see me. Just so you're warned."
Other reasons for why Sam was tired.
"I think we can work something out," Angeline said with a nod, before gesturing for Sam to hand her the baby.
Sam hesitated just that moment, then handed Johnny over. When his arms were empty, he just watched them a moment before rubbing the back of his neck. "I'll just be across the hall if you need me..."
"I know," she said softly, humming a bit to the baby as she did. She went through the same thing when she first had Tina -- didn't want to hand her off to anyone, but Sam needed the sleep. "Just go sleep, Sam. He'll still be here when you wake up."
Nodding, he turned to go. He walked across the hall to the other room, the one that he always slept in when he was here. He managed to strip out of his shirt and toss it on the floor before he just collapsed on the bed. Sleep just overtook him from days of being wound so tight, and he was dead to the world. He didn't even notice 20 minutes later when Bobby came into the room and took Sam's shoes off and got him straightened in the bed, then threw a throw over his bare shoulders to keep him from getting cold.
Bobby went to stand in front of the baby's room and shook his head. "Owe ya a bit of thanks. Don't think I would have been able to get through him like that."
"Sometimes, these things need a woman's touch," she said softly, glancing up at him briefly, before looking down at the baby again, rocking him gently. "Which is really no fault of yours." She gave him a friendly smirk, before leaning back in the chair a little more. "I've heard a lot about you from the various hunters that manage to make their way past my front door -- always thought we'd be meetin' under better circumstances though."
"People have a way of talkin'. Lately though, there's no such thing as good circumstances." He nodded towards Johnny. "Like I said, heard 'bout yer daughter. Dean talked 'bout her more than most. Meant she was special to him. Getting Dean ta talk about anything is a chore, so him talking freely like that meant a lot. And he loved that critter more than he loved his own brother - if that's possible."
"Well, it sure ain't hard," Angeline said with a small smile. "I've barely seen him five minutes an' I'm already in love." She was quiet for a moment, before leaning back in the chair again. "Just a shame Tina probably won't get to fall in love herself."
"Probably one of the reasons Sam's scared o' losin' Johnny. He grew up without a mom, and John wasn't one really big on family bondin' after his wife died. The boy's 'fraid to let Johnny go through that kinda pain he did."
"Well, I won't let that happen," Angeline said with a sigh. "No grandson of mine is growing up in this business -- no offense."
"None of us want to be in this business, ma'am. We're just forced into it most a'the time. Those boys, never had a life out of it. Sam tried, did damn good at getting away too till the demons pulled him back in." Bobby shrugged. "He never wanted this life. He'll sure as hell fight to keep Johnny out of it."
"That's good," she nodded slowly. "I have nothing against bein' careful and protecting yourself. I just -- don't want him drivin' around bein' raised like a soldier."
"He does that, you and I both will smack him." Bobby gave her a small smile. "You want somethin' ta drink or eat? Was 'bout to fix myself some lunch."
"I'm fine for right now -- ate on the plane," she said with a nod. "But thank you."
"Alright. I'll be downstairs if ya need me." He started to walk out, then stopped. "You can see the sunset out on the front porch. Johnny's becoming interested in the fireflies that have been comin' out lately." Realizing he was sounding like he was the baby's grandfather or something, Bobby shrugged and left.
Angeline smiled slightly at that, before shifting the little bundle in her arms. "What do you think, sugah? You wanna go sit on the porch?" She watched as big eyes looked back up at her, and a small hand wrapped around her finger. "Alright then. Front porch it is."
Sam got about 2 hours of sleep before the nightmares started to creep into the edges of his subconscious. Images of demons surrounding him, Dean and Ruby. Angels with swords and lighting and rain and then Dean pushing Sam out of the way as a sickle cut through the air and the demon with yellow eyes loomed above him, laughing as he held Dean's bloody head in the air, and Dean kept screaming his name...
"DEAN!" he screamed in his sleep, thrashing in the bed.
Angeline had felt the nightmares once they got strong enough to pass through to the first floor, and she handed the baby off to Bobby, telling him not to take Johnny upstairs for any reason, before taking off upstairs and heading into Sam's room. She ignored the thrash, taking his arms in her hands and pinning him down firmly before speaking loudly so that he could hear her. "Sam? Sam, darlin', wake up!"
It took him a moment, then his eyes opened wide and he looked around, confused for a moment as to where he was. He was breathing hard, coughing from the hoarseness in his throat. Finally realizing where he was and that it was just a nightmare, he closed his eyes and relaxed into the bed again. "Every night it gets worse..."
Help him. The request was fleeting, brief, and not at all strong, but it was enough for her to feel it. She gave the room that indicated that she intended to, before moving her hands and giving Sam's hand a soft squeeze. "What do you see?"
"I see the fight again. The demons coming after us, all before I was able to get at Lilith. I see Ruby getting killed, then Dean jumped to keep me from being killed..." - Tears came to the corners of his eyes - "I can't remember how Dean died because I got swallowed in the hoard of demons after it, but in my dreams I see different things, and tonight he was beheaded and still screaming for me..."
Angeline moved forward, running her fingers through his hair again lightly. "Maybe it's buried in there somewhere -- you just have to find it. Your subconscious might be tryin' to sort that out and once that settles, you'll be able to sleep better."
"I don't want to keep seeing this... but I don't want to remember that day either..." He curled up on his side a bit.
Angeline sighed slightly, before moving her hand to rub his back lightly. "You need to sleep, Sam. You can't keep letting yourself suffer like this."
"I just keep thinking it'll stop soon. It's not even been two weeks. Sooner or later it has to stop..."
"Sam -- there's a way for us to go in and fix this, but it's going to involve you talking about it," Angeline said softly. "There are options -- hypnotherapy, maybe?"
"You really don't want to go into my head, Angeline."
"You have to take care of my grandson. I'll risk it if it means you getting better."
He was so tired and weak and really, he did want to sleep. He wanted to sleep for a year and just get some rest but he knew he couldn't do that. So he just nodded. "Don't say I didn't warn you."
"I can handle it," she said softly. "Just lean back, close your eyes, and relax as completely as you can."
He did as she asked, trying to relax and focus on his breathing. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths and trying not to think.
"Now, I need you to focus on my voice and only my voice," she began, before starting to describe scene that would be calming. A quiet day on the beach with the waves lapping against the shore, nothing but the sun in the sky and the sand beneath him. "As you hear the waves crashing on the beach you drop deeper and deeper into a heavy sleep. on the count of three, you're going to go into a completely trance, very relaxed and at ease. One, two, three."
He could see it all in his head, focusing on the image until he slipped into that deep, blissful sleep he had been wanting for days now.
Once he was relaxed completely, she took his hand in hers and began the process of getting to the root of Sam's problem. He was mostly in a trance, so he should be able to respond to her. "Sam, can you hear me?"
"Yes," came the reply, but it wasn't Sam's voice. Or, it was, but not as an adult. He was speaking in the voice of a younger version of himself, one that was where most of his fears were often expressed though.
"Where are you?" she asked. She wasn't going to invade Sam's mind -- she didn't know what kind of walls he had set up anyway. But she needed to guide him through this, step by step.
"Oklahoma. It's really dusty. We're trying to protect a seal." The voice was still very young.
"What's happenin'? Can you see your brother, Sam?"
"Uh huh. He's standing next to me. There are a lot of demons around us. Ruby's got her back against mine and Dean is shooting his gun at the demons. We're trying to get to Lilith."
"Can you see her?"
"No. She's somewhere in the burial grounds. There are too many demons between us." He winced. "Ruby's hurt..." His voice wined and he tried to pull away.
Angeline squeezed his hand softly. "I know this is hard, Sam, but it'll get easier, alright?"
"It'll be okay, Sammy," Dean said from his post across the room from his brother, before he pushed off the wall and started moving over towards the bed. "I don't know if you can hear me, given the whole hypnosis thing, but it'll be okay. Just stay close to me, remember?"
Stay close to me... Sam gulped, his eyes tearing up. "She's screaming. I want to go to her but Dean says that I have to stay with him. She's holding her arm out to me. They have her knife..." Tears are welling up in his eyes.
Angeline reached forward, brushing a hand against the side of his face lightly. "Just take it slow. What happens next?"
"Lilith. Ruby's... she's dead. She's dead and Lilith is picking up her knife from her body. Dean and I start to go towards her. A demon is coming towards us. He's got a scythe and tries to swing it. Dean shoots with his shotgun. It barely hurts the demon. He swings again right between us. I go left. Dean goes right. There there are hands. So many hands trying to grab me. I can't see Dean. DEAN! DEAN I CAN'T SEE YOU!" He's screaming again, the lost child voice trying to find his brother.
"I'm right here, Sammy," Dean said softly, his hand coming to rest on Sam's shoulder. "I'm right there, but Lilith -- she's there too. It happened so fast -- " He remembered his head snapping around and then Tessa was there, pulling him away before someone could grab his soul. All he remembered was his body lying limp on the ground, head snapped around so far he didn't even believe it was possible. "Didn't even hurt," he said with a slight chuckle. "Not like the last time."
Angeline squeezed his hand again softly. "It's okay, Sam. I'm right here. Lilith can't get to you."
"I can't see Dean. They keep pulling me. Pulling me and then Lilith is on top of me. They are holding me down. I can't move and she has Ruby's knife..." He took a deep breath, shaking. "I know she's going to kill me if I don't do something, and so I just reach into myself and find my powers." His voice shifted to being an adult. "I... I just start screaming in latin and manage to get free. And my hands start to glow in this yellow light. Demons start to scream when I touch them. I can't see anything because it's too bright but... I killed them. I killed all of them."
"Then what happened?"
"It stopped raining. There was no more lightning. The ground stopped shaking I remember looking down at the body Lilith had been in. There's smoke coming from where her eyes were. The angels are looking at me, and I can't tell if they are afraid or angry. Then Castiel comes towards me and he actually looks sad. I look past him..." Sam took a shuddering breath. "Dean's on the ground and he's not moving."
"Did he say anything to you? The angel?"
Sam watched it in his head. How he fell to his knees and pulled Dean into his lap. Putting Dean's head back the right way and shutting his eyes. Pulling him to his chest and just crying. Castiel kneeling down across from him, watching.
"I'm sorry, Sam. But you are alive. Lilith's dead, and the seal is intact. Dean did what he swore to help, and he's at peace. But we need to get you out of here."
"Not without Dean."
"There's nothing we can do -"
"NOT WITHOUT DEAN!" Sam clung the body close to him; a broken shell barely able to function. Castiel could see the pain and nodded.
"Fine. Hold onto him. We need to go."
"I left Ruby there, but they let me take Dean. We had to hide, and then they brought us here. Castiel then gave me Ruby's knife, and he left without another word."
She felt Dean's sorrow washing over them, and she sighed softly, before moving her hand to brush at the side of his face lightly. "Did anything else happen after that?"
"Johnny was crying. I could hear him crying when I walked in. I left Dean on the porch and heard Johnny and held the baby until... Bobby buried Dean. I couldn't let him burn it, so he buried it." Sam unconsciously bit his lip. "Johnny won't stop crying."
"He must miss his daddy," Angeline said softly. "But it'll pass. And it'll get easier. Just have to give it a little bit o' time and space." She paused for a moment, before squeezing his hand softly. "Ready to wake up?"
He was silent a moment. "I'm afraid I'm not going to be good enough."
"Not gonna be good enough for who, darlin'?
"Johnny. I'm not Dean. I can't be his father..."
"He's not askin' you to be Dean, honey. He just wants you to be you. All that poor little baby wants is someone to love him. You can do that, can't ya?"
"I hope so."
"Good. That's all he wants. Don't forget that." Those statements had a bit more of a suggestion to them, nothing psychic, but a hypnotic suggestion that she hoped was strong enough to make a difference in Sam's mind. "Ready to wake up, honey?"
"All he wants." Sam repeated softly. There was a pause, then softly "Yes."
"When I count to three, you will wake up relaxed, refreshed, and at ease." Angeline let go of his hand, and moved back slightly. "One. Two. Three."
At that, Sam slowly blinked his eyes open. He was breathing a lot easier than he had been, and he realized that his throat was raw and his face was wet. He looked up at her, confused and uncertain.
"How're you feelin', darlin'?"
"A bit better. Calmer. Are the nightmares going to go away now?"
"Hopefully," Angeline said with a nod. "If there's another problem, I can stay until it's worked out."
Sam sat up slowly, stretching a bit. "Thank you." He looked off in the distance, sighing. "You know, i swear I heard Dean when you were doing that."
Angeline paused for a moment, wondering if she should tell him, before figuring it couldn't hurt. "Well, that would make sense -- he's around here somewhere. Not a spirit, not quite -- but he's definitely still here, Sam."
He looked at the ground a moment, then smiled just a bit. "As long as he's not in Hell, I guess it's more than I can ask for. It's going to be hard, you know. I've gotten so used to him and Ruby being there. I'm afraid I don't know how to do anything on my own anymore. Even in college, I still had people taking care of me. Then Jess. I've never been alone, and now I have to do it all and be a substitute father to boot."
There was a moment, then he looked at Angeline. "I'm going to need someplace to set up some roots. Do you think you could help me? Not that Bobby wouldn't keep me here forever, but Johnny might want his grandma being close by as he's growing up. Help him know about who his mom was?"
Angeline smiled slightly at that. "Tina had a place in the city -- not big, but it's paid off, and there's plenty of room. I'm sure she wouldn't mind you settin' up home there."
"That'd be nice. Johnny would probably like that. And New Orleans has always been someplace I've been interested in."
"Good," Angeline said with a nod. "I'll have to go and see what kind of condition the place is in, but I'm sure it's livable."
"Thanks." He looked up at her. "For everything."
"You're welcome, honey," she nodded before getting up and taking his hand. "Let's get you somethin' to eat -- or, well --let's see if Bobby has anythin' actually worth cookin'."
"You'd be surprised. Bobby's actually a good cook." Sam got up slowly, and his stomach growled at the thought of food.
They made their way downstairs and started to figure out a plan for Sam to move down to Tina's place, and how long it would take. Bobby also had a few friends in the area that could help Sam get a fresh start in life.
Two weeks later, the Impala left Singer Salvage with a baby seat in the back, and Sam following a map that was going to lead him and Johnny to a new life. One hopefully free from demons and hunting as long as Sam could provide it for his nephew.
Angeline arrived in South Dakota a few days after she heard the news about Dean's death. She didn't like leaving her daughter alone while she was still on life support, but she knew that with both parents out of commission, she and Sam were going to have to have a discussion about how her grandson was to be raised. She had quite a few concerns, given his breeding, and she knew it was either talk to Sam now, or barge in later, and she knew that sooner was better than later.
Adjusting the sunglasses on her face, she climbed out of the car she'd rented for the occasion and pulled the coat more tightly around herself. This little patch of America was almost artic compared to the warm, balmy heat of New Orleans, and she just shivered as she made her way to the door, knocking on it loudly before glancing around. She silently hoped for a moment that Sam was planning on getting a place of his own, because really -- a salvage yard was no place to raise a child.
It wasn't Sam who came to the door, but instead Bobby. He had heard the strange car pulling up in the gravel and grabbed his shotgun. It was resting just on the other side of the door when he opened it a bit, looking at the woman on the other side. "Can I help ya?" he asked, shifting his arm behind the door a bit to make sure that the gun was aimed correctly. He couldn't take any risks on demons coming after Sam or Dean's boy, especially not with how Sam was at the moment.
Angeline looked him over for a minute, before raising an eyebrow behind her sunglasses. "Is Sam Winchester here, or do I have the wrong Singer Salvage?"
"Sorry, don't know've any Sam Winchesters," Bobby stated easily. "There's another Singer Salvage though cross the state. Might be trying there."
"Listen, Mr. Singer, I did not fly all the way from New O'leans to be yanked around by some hillbilly hunter who thought he was doin' what was best." She crossed her arms in front of her chest as she pulled off her sunglasses, looking him evenly in the eye. Figuring out he was lying had been easy enough -- she was telepathic after all. "My name is Angeline Walker, and I'm here to see my grandson. You don't want to get in my way on this one."
Bobby gave her another look, then backed away. "If yer the kid's grandmother, you'd 'preciate me doing what's best to protect these boys. Especially after what's happened." He motioned for her to enter the living room, then closed the door and checked on the salt lines before putting the shotgun down. "Dean's mentioned Tina a bit. Sorry ta hear 'bout her condition."
"You and me both, sugah," she replied softly, glancing around the living room as she did. She let her eyes wander over the books and clutter left around the room, and started to make her way over to one of the piles, brushing her fingers across the binding of one of them as she read it, before pulling away to brush the dust from her fingers. "Is Sam here?"
"You can say that. Hasn't really moved much since we burned..." Bobby took a deep breath. "He's upstairs with the babe. Don't expect to get much from him. He's still in shock. Only one he responds ta is Johnny right now."
"I think I can manage to get somethin' out of him," she said quietly, before starting to move towards the stairs. "Which way?"
"Third door on the left." Bobby watched her go up, then headed towards the kitchen. "Hope you get better luck than I got."
In the room, there was a bed and a crib. Johnny was asleep, bundled carefully by hands that wanted to make sure he was safe. Stuffed animals were on other end to prevent him from rolling into the bars. Clothing was neatly folded on the trunk at the foot of the bed - at least the baby's clothing was.
Sam was sitting in a chair by the window. He was asleep as well, unshaven and looking thin and sick. His arm was resting on the windowsill, his head on top of it. Shadows from the sunlight made his face look darker and the lines deeper. He hadn't been sleeping much because of nightmares and getting used to being a father to a baby without a schedule. He wasn't allowing himself to grieve either because he had a baby to take care of. He couldn't break apart, not even for a second - and it was starting to wear his spirit thin.
Angeline made her way into the room, and sighed slightly at the sight in front of her. Sam was sleeping, and he looked as though he needed it, so Angeline felt it was best to leave him there for the time being. Instead, she turned towards the crib, making her way over to the sleeping baby, and leaned over him with a soft smile.
"There you are, little man," she whispered quietly, letting her head brush over the top of the baby's head. "Such a beautiful little boy. Which you should be -- your father, for all his faults, was still a rather handsome man. Let's just hope that's all you inherited from him, hmm?" The last part was mostly a joke. She knew Dean had plenty of redeeming qualities, but the day she'd admit it would be the day she died, even if he already was dead.
The voice and presence in the room woke Sam up pretty quickly. He didn't move though, just opened his eyes. Then he licked his lips, his voice rough. "My brother was a good man," he spoke softly, a warning in his tone not to dare say something bad of the dead. "Johnny will be lucky if he grows up to be even half of that."
Angeline looked up at him with a teasing smile, before straightening a bit to look him in the eye. "I know, Sam. Your brother had a very good heart. He was one of the few hunters I would actually let set foot in my house. However, he was still a rather large pain in my ass, and I reserve the right to tease him as I please -- even if he's no longer able to snipe back." Because Dean certainly wasn't gone completely. She could feel his presence lurking in the corners of the house, just out of range, but close enough to watch.
"You're not taking him." That was the only thing Sam could think of with Angeline being here - Sam had never been a father and except for helping Dean hadn't really had first hand experience. Angeline was a grandmother and would know better. The rational part of his mind knew that. But Johnny was all Sam had left of Dean and right now if he lost that, he wouldn't be able to keep the few threads of himself from snapping. "I told Dean I would watch over him, and I'm keeping my word on that."
Angeline gave him a soft look, before shaking her head, starting to make her way around the crib towards the man by the window. "I wouldn't dream of takin' him from you, Sam. I'm just here to help, that's all." She paused for a moment, taking his head gently in her hands and tilting his face up so that she could look at him. "Lord only knows you look like you could use it, darlin'. And he's my grandson -- I can take care of him for a little while, while you take care of yourself."
He wet his lips, his eyes looking away from her even if his head couldn't. "I'll survive. I always do." Whether I want to or not...
She moved her hands to his forehead, brushing his hair back from his face lightly. She could feel the weight of Dean's death on his mind, and she knew that holding in that kind of pain wasn't healthy. "You need to grieve. You just lost your brother -- the only family you had." She paused for a moment, before sliding her arms around him and pulling him closer. "You're allowed to let it all go," she whispered into the top of his head. Whether or not he pushed her away -- he needed to know that someone was there.
He was stiff in her arms, almost as if he was trying to keep from doing what she asked, but he couldn't hold it up. He was just so shattered and it hurt so he went limp in her arms, his own sliding around her as he just let himself cry. He didn't want to let go of his brother. He couldn't let go of his brother because his brother was such a deep and embedded part of his own soul. This was worse than when Dean had died from his deal. There had been things to hunt. Demons to blame and hurt and kill but now they were gone and all that was left was a tiny baby and Sam feeling so guilty that he couldn't keep Dean alive to be able to raise his own son. It was his fault, his fault why the demons always came after them. He was the boy with the demon blood and his family had always suffered for it and now Johnny was going to have to suffer too and why did he have to be the one who lived when it should have been Dean who survived to hold Johnny and keep the nightmares away at night?
"That's it," she said softly. "Just take it easy, darlin'. I gotcha."
"It should have been me," Sam said between sobs. "I'm the one they wanted. They've always wanted me. Dean should be here and not me..."
"I know, honey. I know," she said softly. "Sometimes things just don't work out the way they're supposed to, that's all. Nothin' you can do about it now."
"How is he going to know how good of a man his father was?"Sam was clinging now, curling into Angeline. Bobby had already done with a sobbing Sam once, but they were men. Sam couldn't break down like this in front of Bobby. He just needed to be held and made to feel that everything was going to be ok.
"Well, someone's gotta tell him, Sam," she said softly, running her fingers through his hair gently. "He's got you, Bobby, all o' Dean's old friends. I know Gina will happily tell him all the stories he wants in a heartbeat. Even I've got one or two here and there." She sighed softly. "Dean won't be forgotten, sugah. Not so long as Johnny's got people like you to remember him."
Sam nodded, starting to calm down. She had already addressed his two biggest fears - having Johnny taken away, and how to make sure he knew who Dean was. He sniffled a bit, focusing on calming down and breathing. "No more hunting. I told Bobby I wasn't going to hunt any more."
"Good." That made Angeline feel a whole lot better all by itself. If he was going to continue hunting with a child this young, she was going to have to smack some sense into him. But since he already came to that conclusion on his own, she just nodded, and pulled away so that she was looking at him a little more. "Why don't you go get some sleep? Real sleep, in a bed. I'll sit with the baby for a little while, alright?"
Sam's eyes instantly went to the crib. It was obvious that the baby was a lifeline he was clinging too, and his hesitation was there because of it. She was right. He needed to sleep. Eat some real food. And he was pretty sure that his clothes were not meant to be worn this many days in a row without a real shower.
He was also afraid of the nightmares and images there were haunting him every time he closed his eyes. "I don't know..."
"You need sleep, Sam. Even if it's just for a couple hours. Sleep, clean up a bit -- just enough so that you feel a little more human again. We're all still gonna be here when you're finished."
He bit his lip, then nodded and stood up. "Alright, just a few hours. But if anything happens wake me up." He then went to stand by the crib, his fingers running along Johnny's cheek a moment. Just in case. Sam had learned the hard way now that you can't take any leaving for granted in case someone never came back.
"I will," she nodded, before taking his spot in the chair. "Besides -- me and this little man need to get to know each other better anyway." She gave him a small smile. "He's in good hands."
"His stuff is in the trunk. There's a bottle or two made in the fridge. Bobby knows where everything else is." Johnny was waking up so Sam leaned closer, cooing softly to the baby as he lifted him up. A week of forced fatherhood had taught him how to hold the child in a way he preferred and Johnny's hazel eyes looked at Sam brightly. "Hey little guy, Uncle Sam's going to go take a nap now, but your grandma is here. She's going to take good care of you, so no screaming when I'm gone." He looked up at Angeline. "Bobby said he wouldn't stop crying around the time Dean died - didn't stop until I picked him up afterward, and now he will get upset if he can't see me. Just so you're warned."
Other reasons for why Sam was tired.
"I think we can work something out," Angeline said with a nod, before gesturing for Sam to hand her the baby.
Sam hesitated just that moment, then handed Johnny over. When his arms were empty, he just watched them a moment before rubbing the back of his neck. "I'll just be across the hall if you need me..."
"I know," she said softly, humming a bit to the baby as she did. She went through the same thing when she first had Tina -- didn't want to hand her off to anyone, but Sam needed the sleep. "Just go sleep, Sam. He'll still be here when you wake up."
Nodding, he turned to go. He walked across the hall to the other room, the one that he always slept in when he was here. He managed to strip out of his shirt and toss it on the floor before he just collapsed on the bed. Sleep just overtook him from days of being wound so tight, and he was dead to the world. He didn't even notice 20 minutes later when Bobby came into the room and took Sam's shoes off and got him straightened in the bed, then threw a throw over his bare shoulders to keep him from getting cold.
Bobby went to stand in front of the baby's room and shook his head. "Owe ya a bit of thanks. Don't think I would have been able to get through him like that."
"Sometimes, these things need a woman's touch," she said softly, glancing up at him briefly, before looking down at the baby again, rocking him gently. "Which is really no fault of yours." She gave him a friendly smirk, before leaning back in the chair a little more. "I've heard a lot about you from the various hunters that manage to make their way past my front door -- always thought we'd be meetin' under better circumstances though."
"People have a way of talkin'. Lately though, there's no such thing as good circumstances." He nodded towards Johnny. "Like I said, heard 'bout yer daughter. Dean talked 'bout her more than most. Meant she was special to him. Getting Dean ta talk about anything is a chore, so him talking freely like that meant a lot. And he loved that critter more than he loved his own brother - if that's possible."
"Well, it sure ain't hard," Angeline said with a small smile. "I've barely seen him five minutes an' I'm already in love." She was quiet for a moment, before leaning back in the chair again. "Just a shame Tina probably won't get to fall in love herself."
"Probably one of the reasons Sam's scared o' losin' Johnny. He grew up without a mom, and John wasn't one really big on family bondin' after his wife died. The boy's 'fraid to let Johnny go through that kinda pain he did."
"Well, I won't let that happen," Angeline said with a sigh. "No grandson of mine is growing up in this business -- no offense."
"None of us want to be in this business, ma'am. We're just forced into it most a'the time. Those boys, never had a life out of it. Sam tried, did damn good at getting away too till the demons pulled him back in." Bobby shrugged. "He never wanted this life. He'll sure as hell fight to keep Johnny out of it."
"That's good," she nodded slowly. "I have nothing against bein' careful and protecting yourself. I just -- don't want him drivin' around bein' raised like a soldier."
"He does that, you and I both will smack him." Bobby gave her a small smile. "You want somethin' ta drink or eat? Was 'bout to fix myself some lunch."
"I'm fine for right now -- ate on the plane," she said with a nod. "But thank you."
"Alright. I'll be downstairs if ya need me." He started to walk out, then stopped. "You can see the sunset out on the front porch. Johnny's becoming interested in the fireflies that have been comin' out lately." Realizing he was sounding like he was the baby's grandfather or something, Bobby shrugged and left.
Angeline smiled slightly at that, before shifting the little bundle in her arms. "What do you think, sugah? You wanna go sit on the porch?" She watched as big eyes looked back up at her, and a small hand wrapped around her finger. "Alright then. Front porch it is."
Sam got about 2 hours of sleep before the nightmares started to creep into the edges of his subconscious. Images of demons surrounding him, Dean and Ruby. Angels with swords and lighting and rain and then Dean pushing Sam out of the way as a sickle cut through the air and the demon with yellow eyes loomed above him, laughing as he held Dean's bloody head in the air, and Dean kept screaming his name...
"DEAN!" he screamed in his sleep, thrashing in the bed.
Angeline had felt the nightmares once they got strong enough to pass through to the first floor, and she handed the baby off to Bobby, telling him not to take Johnny upstairs for any reason, before taking off upstairs and heading into Sam's room. She ignored the thrash, taking his arms in her hands and pinning him down firmly before speaking loudly so that he could hear her. "Sam? Sam, darlin', wake up!"
It took him a moment, then his eyes opened wide and he looked around, confused for a moment as to where he was. He was breathing hard, coughing from the hoarseness in his throat. Finally realizing where he was and that it was just a nightmare, he closed his eyes and relaxed into the bed again. "Every night it gets worse..."
Help him. The request was fleeting, brief, and not at all strong, but it was enough for her to feel it. She gave the room that indicated that she intended to, before moving her hands and giving Sam's hand a soft squeeze. "What do you see?"
"I see the fight again. The demons coming after us, all before I was able to get at Lilith. I see Ruby getting killed, then Dean jumped to keep me from being killed..." - Tears came to the corners of his eyes - "I can't remember how Dean died because I got swallowed in the hoard of demons after it, but in my dreams I see different things, and tonight he was beheaded and still screaming for me..."
Angeline moved forward, running her fingers through his hair again lightly. "Maybe it's buried in there somewhere -- you just have to find it. Your subconscious might be tryin' to sort that out and once that settles, you'll be able to sleep better."
"I don't want to keep seeing this... but I don't want to remember that day either..." He curled up on his side a bit.
Angeline sighed slightly, before moving her hand to rub his back lightly. "You need to sleep, Sam. You can't keep letting yourself suffer like this."
"I just keep thinking it'll stop soon. It's not even been two weeks. Sooner or later it has to stop..."
"Sam -- there's a way for us to go in and fix this, but it's going to involve you talking about it," Angeline said softly. "There are options -- hypnotherapy, maybe?"
"You really don't want to go into my head, Angeline."
"You have to take care of my grandson. I'll risk it if it means you getting better."
He was so tired and weak and really, he did want to sleep. He wanted to sleep for a year and just get some rest but he knew he couldn't do that. So he just nodded. "Don't say I didn't warn you."
"I can handle it," she said softly. "Just lean back, close your eyes, and relax as completely as you can."
He did as she asked, trying to relax and focus on his breathing. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths and trying not to think.
"Now, I need you to focus on my voice and only my voice," she began, before starting to describe scene that would be calming. A quiet day on the beach with the waves lapping against the shore, nothing but the sun in the sky and the sand beneath him. "As you hear the waves crashing on the beach you drop deeper and deeper into a heavy sleep. on the count of three, you're going to go into a completely trance, very relaxed and at ease. One, two, three."
He could see it all in his head, focusing on the image until he slipped into that deep, blissful sleep he had been wanting for days now.
Once he was relaxed completely, she took his hand in hers and began the process of getting to the root of Sam's problem. He was mostly in a trance, so he should be able to respond to her. "Sam, can you hear me?"
"Yes," came the reply, but it wasn't Sam's voice. Or, it was, but not as an adult. He was speaking in the voice of a younger version of himself, one that was where most of his fears were often expressed though.
"Where are you?" she asked. She wasn't going to invade Sam's mind -- she didn't know what kind of walls he had set up anyway. But she needed to guide him through this, step by step.
"Oklahoma. It's really dusty. We're trying to protect a seal." The voice was still very young.
"What's happenin'? Can you see your brother, Sam?"
"Uh huh. He's standing next to me. There are a lot of demons around us. Ruby's got her back against mine and Dean is shooting his gun at the demons. We're trying to get to Lilith."
"Can you see her?"
"No. She's somewhere in the burial grounds. There are too many demons between us." He winced. "Ruby's hurt..." His voice wined and he tried to pull away.
Angeline squeezed his hand softly. "I know this is hard, Sam, but it'll get easier, alright?"
"It'll be okay, Sammy," Dean said from his post across the room from his brother, before he pushed off the wall and started moving over towards the bed. "I don't know if you can hear me, given the whole hypnosis thing, but it'll be okay. Just stay close to me, remember?"
Stay close to me... Sam gulped, his eyes tearing up. "She's screaming. I want to go to her but Dean says that I have to stay with him. She's holding her arm out to me. They have her knife..." Tears are welling up in his eyes.
Angeline reached forward, brushing a hand against the side of his face lightly. "Just take it slow. What happens next?"
"Lilith. Ruby's... she's dead. She's dead and Lilith is picking up her knife from her body. Dean and I start to go towards her. A demon is coming towards us. He's got a scythe and tries to swing it. Dean shoots with his shotgun. It barely hurts the demon. He swings again right between us. I go left. Dean goes right. There there are hands. So many hands trying to grab me. I can't see Dean. DEAN! DEAN I CAN'T SEE YOU!" He's screaming again, the lost child voice trying to find his brother.
"I'm right here, Sammy," Dean said softly, his hand coming to rest on Sam's shoulder. "I'm right there, but Lilith -- she's there too. It happened so fast -- " He remembered his head snapping around and then Tessa was there, pulling him away before someone could grab his soul. All he remembered was his body lying limp on the ground, head snapped around so far he didn't even believe it was possible. "Didn't even hurt," he said with a slight chuckle. "Not like the last time."
Angeline squeezed his hand again softly. "It's okay, Sam. I'm right here. Lilith can't get to you."
"I can't see Dean. They keep pulling me. Pulling me and then Lilith is on top of me. They are holding me down. I can't move and she has Ruby's knife..." He took a deep breath, shaking. "I know she's going to kill me if I don't do something, and so I just reach into myself and find my powers." His voice shifted to being an adult. "I... I just start screaming in latin and manage to get free. And my hands start to glow in this yellow light. Demons start to scream when I touch them. I can't see anything because it's too bright but... I killed them. I killed all of them."
"Then what happened?"
"It stopped raining. There was no more lightning. The ground stopped shaking I remember looking down at the body Lilith had been in. There's smoke coming from where her eyes were. The angels are looking at me, and I can't tell if they are afraid or angry. Then Castiel comes towards me and he actually looks sad. I look past him..." Sam took a shuddering breath. "Dean's on the ground and he's not moving."
"Did he say anything to you? The angel?"
Sam watched it in his head. How he fell to his knees and pulled Dean into his lap. Putting Dean's head back the right way and shutting his eyes. Pulling him to his chest and just crying. Castiel kneeling down across from him, watching.
"I'm sorry, Sam. But you are alive. Lilith's dead, and the seal is intact. Dean did what he swore to help, and he's at peace. But we need to get you out of here."
"Not without Dean."
"There's nothing we can do -"
"NOT WITHOUT DEAN!" Sam clung the body close to him; a broken shell barely able to function. Castiel could see the pain and nodded.
"Fine. Hold onto him. We need to go."
"I left Ruby there, but they let me take Dean. We had to hide, and then they brought us here. Castiel then gave me Ruby's knife, and he left without another word."
She felt Dean's sorrow washing over them, and she sighed softly, before moving her hand to brush at the side of his face lightly. "Did anything else happen after that?"
"Johnny was crying. I could hear him crying when I walked in. I left Dean on the porch and heard Johnny and held the baby until... Bobby buried Dean. I couldn't let him burn it, so he buried it." Sam unconsciously bit his lip. "Johnny won't stop crying."
"He must miss his daddy," Angeline said softly. "But it'll pass. And it'll get easier. Just have to give it a little bit o' time and space." She paused for a moment, before squeezing his hand softly. "Ready to wake up?"
He was silent a moment. "I'm afraid I'm not going to be good enough."
"Not gonna be good enough for who, darlin'?
"Johnny. I'm not Dean. I can't be his father..."
"He's not askin' you to be Dean, honey. He just wants you to be you. All that poor little baby wants is someone to love him. You can do that, can't ya?"
"I hope so."
"Good. That's all he wants. Don't forget that." Those statements had a bit more of a suggestion to them, nothing psychic, but a hypnotic suggestion that she hoped was strong enough to make a difference in Sam's mind. "Ready to wake up, honey?"
"All he wants." Sam repeated softly. There was a pause, then softly "Yes."
"When I count to three, you will wake up relaxed, refreshed, and at ease." Angeline let go of his hand, and moved back slightly. "One. Two. Three."
At that, Sam slowly blinked his eyes open. He was breathing a lot easier than he had been, and he realized that his throat was raw and his face was wet. He looked up at her, confused and uncertain.
"How're you feelin', darlin'?"
"A bit better. Calmer. Are the nightmares going to go away now?"
"Hopefully," Angeline said with a nod. "If there's another problem, I can stay until it's worked out."
Sam sat up slowly, stretching a bit. "Thank you." He looked off in the distance, sighing. "You know, i swear I heard Dean when you were doing that."
Angeline paused for a moment, wondering if she should tell him, before figuring it couldn't hurt. "Well, that would make sense -- he's around here somewhere. Not a spirit, not quite -- but he's definitely still here, Sam."
He looked at the ground a moment, then smiled just a bit. "As long as he's not in Hell, I guess it's more than I can ask for. It's going to be hard, you know. I've gotten so used to him and Ruby being there. I'm afraid I don't know how to do anything on my own anymore. Even in college, I still had people taking care of me. Then Jess. I've never been alone, and now I have to do it all and be a substitute father to boot."
There was a moment, then he looked at Angeline. "I'm going to need someplace to set up some roots. Do you think you could help me? Not that Bobby wouldn't keep me here forever, but Johnny might want his grandma being close by as he's growing up. Help him know about who his mom was?"
Angeline smiled slightly at that. "Tina had a place in the city -- not big, but it's paid off, and there's plenty of room. I'm sure she wouldn't mind you settin' up home there."
"That'd be nice. Johnny would probably like that. And New Orleans has always been someplace I've been interested in."
"Good," Angeline said with a nod. "I'll have to go and see what kind of condition the place is in, but I'm sure it's livable."
"Thanks." He looked up at her. "For everything."
"You're welcome, honey," she nodded before getting up and taking his hand. "Let's get you somethin' to eat -- or, well --let's see if Bobby has anythin' actually worth cookin'."
"You'd be surprised. Bobby's actually a good cook." Sam got up slowly, and his stomach growled at the thought of food.
They made their way downstairs and started to figure out a plan for Sam to move down to Tina's place, and how long it would take. Bobby also had a few friends in the area that could help Sam get a fresh start in life.
Two weeks later, the Impala left Singer Salvage with a baby seat in the back, and Sam following a map that was going to lead him and Johnny to a new life. One hopefully free from demons and hunting as long as Sam could provide it for his nephew.