likely_evil | All the King's horses and all the king's men... - rp for <lj site="livejournal.com" user="failuretot

He sat in the living room, hands folding in front of him while waiting for Beth to get back from her trip to see Dean. His travel bag was by the door, waiting for him to go. But he couldn't, not until she got back.

Chief had called looking for her, wanting her to go on a long term mission. Sam had talked him out of it... somewhere along the way revealing that Beth was pregnant and he had asked her to marry him. The Chief did need to know, even if Beth didn't want him told.

Sam promised the man to secrecy. The rest of the office would know within 24 hours anyway. Chief couldn't keep a secret like that if the fate of the world depended on it.

But someone had to go on that mission, and the other agents were on jobs, so Sam took it. He couldn't let her take a job that was guaranteed at least four months in deep cover when she was pregnant.

He had only asked to wait until Beth got back before he left. She had to get her anger out at him so that it wouldn't be there when he returned. So he waited patiently, the GPS tracker having told him she came back into DC borders about an hour ago.

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It took her a few more days to get home. She needed to take her time and gather her thoughts.

She was still confused a bit, but she had a feeling the confusion would never fully leave her life. The way her life was, there would always be confusion.

And she was really nervous to go home to Sam. Especially with how their last conversation had gone. But she sucked it up like a big girl and went home anyway.

She got through the front door and put her bag down. "I'm home," she called out.

Sam lifted his head, closing his laptop and making to put it into it's carry bag. "In the living room."

He didn't get up. Didn't lean back to act like he was superior. He just sat there, elbows still resting on his knees and watching her as she walked in.

She noticed his bags and slowly moved into the living room, confusion on her face. Dread in her stomach. He was leaving.

"Hi.." she said softly as she entered the room. She glanced around.

"How was your visit to Dean?" he asked, being straightforward. He didn't have time to play games.

"Fine," she said a bit stiffly. "How are you?"

"Worried. Been waiting for you to call. I was hoping you'd make it back before I had to leave."

"I left you a message the other day when I left Colorado," she said quietly. Her arms wrapped around herself. "Where are you going?"

"Chief is sending me down to Belize." He gave her a steady look. "He wanted to send you, but it's deep cover for at least four months, maybe longer. There's no way you can do that in your condition, so I took it."

He licked his lips. "I thought perhaps it might help - some time apart. Figure out if this is really what we want, or if it's not going to work before everything becomes permanent."

She raised a brow. "I'm having a baby. That's kinda permanent." Then she sighed. "And he couldn't possibly send anyone else?"

"Everyone else is on a mission except Max." Sam sighed.

"Yeah, the baby is. But where we stand isn't, and until we figure that out, I don't know what to do. I'm tired of fighting over Dean. I'm tired of fighting over you thinking I'm going to leave you. I'm just tired, Beth, and I don't know how I can convince you of these things anymore."

She rolled her eyes. "Right. Because I'm the entire problem here." She shook her head and turned away from him a bit. "And what am I supposed to do if I need help?"

"When have I not admitted that I'm a problem, Beth. I'm just trying to be a good man for you. I'm trying to love you the way you want to be, but I guess I'm just not good enough for you."

Sam stood up. "I'm not Dean, and I'm never going to be him. I'm not perfect, and you knew that. I'm barely holding on some days, and it's the thought of coming home to you every night that's kept me going. And ever since Dean's come back, things have gotten worse."

She shook her head. "I never asked you to be Dean. I'm with you, not him. I'm...trying. Maybe I'm just not the same woman you make me out to be in your head."

"Maybe not. I'm a dreamer. I've always been. I want things more than what I get, and I always set myself up for disappointment. And that's not your fault. It's mine."

He looked at the ground. "I just want you to be happy. I want to be happy. And maybe I need to get myself together a bit more before I can do that."

"Maybe," she said with a shrug. "Why..why don't you just you know, let me know when you're coming back. If you can't be in touch." Yep, she was starting to close herself off.

"I'll send messages through the Chief with my reports. If you..." He sighed. "If something demonic comes your way, call Bobby. If he can't help, he'll probably know how to find Dean and he'll come to you if you're in trouble."

He couldn't look at her. He had shut down days before she had even returned home. The morning after the phone call, he had woken up feeling dead, and the feeling never left him.

"I should be back before the baby is born. Just, be careful."

She just nodded. She really didn't know what else to say.

He stood there for a moment. He didn't want to go. he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and hold her and wish all the bad things in the world away from both of them for the rest of their lives.

But it didn't work like that. And there obviously was something wrong here between them that came from both of them. And Sam - he always tried to fix everything, but he didn't know how to fix this.

"I should go."

"Okay," she whispered with a nod. Her eyes were glued to the floor. "Be safe."

She really didn't know what she was thinking at the moment. It was all blank.

He went to walk past her, then stopped and turned a bit, pulling her to him gently as he kissed her forehead. "I love you, Beth. Please believe me on that if nothing else," he whispered softly into her hair.

Her eyes closed and she sighed softly. "Me too," was all she could muster up.

He dropped his arms, not really sure he believed her from the tone of her voice. So he pulled away and went to pick up his bags and leave.

All the King's horses and all the king's men... - rp for <lj site="livejournal.com" user="failuretot

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