Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2009-02-15 09:22 pm
likely_evil) wrote2009-02-15 09:22 pm
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50prompts: On My Mind
The silence in the motel room was starting to get to Sam. Bobby had driven them back to the motel and was working on patching up Dean's shoulder. Sam was in the bathroom, cleaning up the knife cut on his neck, and he could see Dean over his shoulder in the mirror's reflection - staring at him.
Well, I don't know when it happened. Maybe when I was in Hell, or maybe when I was staring right at you -- but the Sam I knew? He's gone... It’s not the demon blood, or the psychic crap. It’s the little stuff – the lies. The secrets.
Sam shut his eyes at the memory of the words that had come out of his brother's mouth. He knew that it was the influence of the siren that had made Dean say those things, but still... the feelings had to exist for Dean to have those desires.
Desires for a perfect little brother; for one that didn't argue with him, liked the same music... of all the things that Dean could have berated him for...
You’re hiding things from me... We used to be in this together. We used to have each other’s backs.
The sound of his cell phone ringing brought Sam out of his thoughts, looking away from dean as he looked down while pulling the blackberry from his back pocket. The phone number he knew as Ruby's came up on the caller ID, and his thumb hovered over the green connect button.
Then he saw Dean and Bobby watching him carefully in the mirror's reflection.
Do you even know how far off the reservation you've gone... how far from normal - from human?
He turned the phone off and put it on the sink, his back turned to the two men. He took a deep breath, then splashed some water on his face before looking at his own reflection again.
The only reason you're still alive, Sam Winchester, is because you've been useful. but the moment that ceases to be true, the second you become more trouble than you're worth...
He blinked as he saw himself staring at him, but the reflection was different. Darker, his smirk dangerous and twisted. His eyes sunken in... and the hazel now a dull yellow with a white center.
Do you want to know why I've been lying to you, Dean? Because of crap like this. The way you talk to me, the way you look at me - like I'm a freak. Or even worse like I'm an idiot and I don't know the difference between right and wrong... you have no idea what I'm going through. I've got demon blood in me, Dean; this disease pumping through my veins and I can't ever rip it our or scrub it clean. I'm a whole new level of freak.
Sam hadn't realized that he had punched in the mirror until he felt the pain in his knuckles. Wincing, he pulled his hand free, then grabbed out the piece of glass wedged between his fingers before rinsing it under the water.
"Sam? You ok in there, son?" Bobby's voice called out finally.
"I'm fine." Grabbing a hand towel, he wrapped it around his hand as he turned to face them.
"Sure about that, Sammy?" Dean asked, watching him carefully.
"I said I was fine." Grabbing his phone, he put it in his pocket as he walked across the room. He grabbed his jacket and put it on, putting his hurt hand in his pocket before going to the door.
"Where you going?" Dean asked.
"To get us something to eat."
"You sure about that?"
Sam turned to look at Bobby and Dean, and he saw the looks on their faces. They were concerned. Worried. With just a touch of anger and distrust.
He sighed. "There was a KFC two blocks down. I need to take a walk. I'll get us something to eat and be back in a half hour."
Dean just watched his brother a moment, sucking on his lower lip as he worked his jaw. "Remember to bring back some pie this time, ok?"
"Sure, Dean."
He got outside and about a block away when Ruby stepped into his path. "Something wrong with your phone?"
"Not tonight, Ruby." Sam walked right past her, but knew she would fall in line behind him.
"You want to tell that to the girl three towns over that three demons are using in a sacrifice tonight?"
"Then you can go handle it. You don't need me for that."
"You need the practice."
"Not tonight."
Ruby huffed and got in front of Sam, putting a hand on his chest. "You need to make up your mind, Sam. Can't keep doing this one day, then letting Dean get to you and stopping it for a few weeks before you realize what you need to do and come running back to me."
"Ruby, this isn't a day to pick a fight with me." Sam tilted his head, his lip twitching.
"Then when's a good time, Sam? Let me know so I can fit it into my tight schedule."
Sam growled, grabbing Ruby and tossing her against the wall in the alley. "Just lay off of me, alright? I've had enough words thrown at me tonight, and I don't need you adding to it."
Her eyes narrowed a bit. "What happened, Sam?"
"Nothing." He let her go, taking a step back and rubbing his hurt hand over his eyes. He felt the fabric of the cloth and cursed, shoving it back into his pocket.
Ruby's hand went to run along the cut on his neck. "That doesn't look like a 'nothing' to me. Sam, that's Dean's knife isn't it?"
"It was an accident."
"Like hell. Sam, did Dean -"
"Ruby, please. Just... let it go, alright? Go help that girl and I'll call you in a few days."
She looked at him a moment, concerned, then sighed. "Sure. Just stay safe, Sam. We can't kill Lilith if you die first."
With that, she turned and walked away from him, disappearing into the darkness of the alley. Sam took a deep breath, closing his eyes. However, all he could see with them closed was Dean standing above him, ax over his head and ready to slam it down into Sam's to end the younger Winchester's life.
He just said that I had to save you, that nothing else mattered; and that if I couldn't, I'd... that I'd have to kill you. He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy.
If I didn't know you... I'd want to hunt you.
Sam took a deep breath and opened his eyes, licking his lips before forcing himself to keep moving now to get his brother and Bobby dinner. To keep on going. To keep fighting. And not just find some desperate way to end it all so no one would have to worry about him or his choices ever again.
Well, I don't know when it happened. Maybe when I was in Hell, or maybe when I was staring right at you -- but the Sam I knew? He's gone... It’s not the demon blood, or the psychic crap. It’s the little stuff – the lies. The secrets.
Sam shut his eyes at the memory of the words that had come out of his brother's mouth. He knew that it was the influence of the siren that had made Dean say those things, but still... the feelings had to exist for Dean to have those desires.
Desires for a perfect little brother; for one that didn't argue with him, liked the same music... of all the things that Dean could have berated him for...
You’re hiding things from me... We used to be in this together. We used to have each other’s backs.
The sound of his cell phone ringing brought Sam out of his thoughts, looking away from dean as he looked down while pulling the blackberry from his back pocket. The phone number he knew as Ruby's came up on the caller ID, and his thumb hovered over the green connect button.
Then he saw Dean and Bobby watching him carefully in the mirror's reflection.
Do you even know how far off the reservation you've gone... how far from normal - from human?
He turned the phone off and put it on the sink, his back turned to the two men. He took a deep breath, then splashed some water on his face before looking at his own reflection again.
The only reason you're still alive, Sam Winchester, is because you've been useful. but the moment that ceases to be true, the second you become more trouble than you're worth...
He blinked as he saw himself staring at him, but the reflection was different. Darker, his smirk dangerous and twisted. His eyes sunken in... and the hazel now a dull yellow with a white center.
Do you want to know why I've been lying to you, Dean? Because of crap like this. The way you talk to me, the way you look at me - like I'm a freak. Or even worse like I'm an idiot and I don't know the difference between right and wrong... you have no idea what I'm going through. I've got demon blood in me, Dean; this disease pumping through my veins and I can't ever rip it our or scrub it clean. I'm a whole new level of freak.
Sam hadn't realized that he had punched in the mirror until he felt the pain in his knuckles. Wincing, he pulled his hand free, then grabbed out the piece of glass wedged between his fingers before rinsing it under the water.
"Sam? You ok in there, son?" Bobby's voice called out finally.
"I'm fine." Grabbing a hand towel, he wrapped it around his hand as he turned to face them.
"Sure about that, Sammy?" Dean asked, watching him carefully.
"I said I was fine." Grabbing his phone, he put it in his pocket as he walked across the room. He grabbed his jacket and put it on, putting his hurt hand in his pocket before going to the door.
"Where you going?" Dean asked.
"To get us something to eat."
"You sure about that?"
Sam turned to look at Bobby and Dean, and he saw the looks on their faces. They were concerned. Worried. With just a touch of anger and distrust.
He sighed. "There was a KFC two blocks down. I need to take a walk. I'll get us something to eat and be back in a half hour."
Dean just watched his brother a moment, sucking on his lower lip as he worked his jaw. "Remember to bring back some pie this time, ok?"
"Sure, Dean."
He got outside and about a block away when Ruby stepped into his path. "Something wrong with your phone?"
"Not tonight, Ruby." Sam walked right past her, but knew she would fall in line behind him.
"You want to tell that to the girl three towns over that three demons are using in a sacrifice tonight?"
"Then you can go handle it. You don't need me for that."
"You need the practice."
"Not tonight."
Ruby huffed and got in front of Sam, putting a hand on his chest. "You need to make up your mind, Sam. Can't keep doing this one day, then letting Dean get to you and stopping it for a few weeks before you realize what you need to do and come running back to me."
"Ruby, this isn't a day to pick a fight with me." Sam tilted his head, his lip twitching.
"Then when's a good time, Sam? Let me know so I can fit it into my tight schedule."
Sam growled, grabbing Ruby and tossing her against the wall in the alley. "Just lay off of me, alright? I've had enough words thrown at me tonight, and I don't need you adding to it."
Her eyes narrowed a bit. "What happened, Sam?"
"Nothing." He let her go, taking a step back and rubbing his hurt hand over his eyes. He felt the fabric of the cloth and cursed, shoving it back into his pocket.
Ruby's hand went to run along the cut on his neck. "That doesn't look like a 'nothing' to me. Sam, that's Dean's knife isn't it?"
"It was an accident."
"Like hell. Sam, did Dean -"
"Ruby, please. Just... let it go, alright? Go help that girl and I'll call you in a few days."
She looked at him a moment, concerned, then sighed. "Sure. Just stay safe, Sam. We can't kill Lilith if you die first."
With that, she turned and walked away from him, disappearing into the darkness of the alley. Sam took a deep breath, closing his eyes. However, all he could see with them closed was Dean standing above him, ax over his head and ready to slam it down into Sam's to end the younger Winchester's life.
He just said that I had to save you, that nothing else mattered; and that if I couldn't, I'd... that I'd have to kill you. He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy.
If I didn't know you... I'd want to hunt you.
Sam took a deep breath and opened his eyes, licking his lips before forcing himself to keep moving now to get his brother and Bobby dinner. To keep on going. To keep fighting. And not just find some desperate way to end it all so no one would have to worry about him or his choices ever again.