Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2010-05-08 12:32 am
likely_evil) wrote2010-05-08 12:32 am
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justprompts: What's most important to you?
Sam could feel the pain in the atmosphere when he came back to the penthouse. He had left Ruby and Michael to talk, knowing that he couldn't interfere or try to influence either of them. Ruby needed to find the memories on her own because Michael needed her to, not because Sam wanted her too.
But as he walked back into the penthouse and saw his son standing at the office window looking out at the city, a part of his heart broke. Michael was standing exactly how Sam stood when he was faced with horrible thoughts and unable to process them - forehead pressed to the always cool glass, staring at the dots of people moving and not trying to let the thoughts in his head crash over him.
Taking a deep breath, he moved silently behind his son and just let his arms come down on Michael's shoulders, and them gently pulled him back against his chest. They both stared out the window together, not speaking. The only thing that shifted was Michael's hand which eventually reached up to hold his father's.
"It will eventually be alright, son," he said softly after awhile, resting his chin on the top of Michael's head. "The most important thing is that she's back, and trying to remember. We have all the time in the world to give her, so don't let this break you too."
"I'm trying not to... but when she looks at me, it's like she's looking at a stranger."
"But she knows you're not. And she will get through the walls because that love she has for you is that strong. Never doubt that."
"I just want her back the way she was."
Sam took a deep breath at that and closed his eyes. "So do I. But she never will be, not really. But that doesn't mean our love for her will change. It just gives us reason to love her more and support her however we can through this."
"And if she never remembers me again?" Michael turned to look at his father, trying to keep the stoic Winchester face that Sam hated to see his son wear now. "What do I do then, Dad?"
"Never is a length of time I can't measure anymore," he said softly. "But what you will do is hold onto your memories of her tighter so that you can remind her of them and they won't get lost in the passage of time." He pulled his son close and just held him. "And I will always be here for you."
"Until the demons take you away from me too..."
Sam pulled back at that and stared his son in the eyes. "Michael..."
"I don't think I can do this... Mom can't remember me, and you take stupid chances that are going to get you killed. It's like the demons are trying to punish me now."
He could see the pain in his son's eyes and it ripped at him. It also made the thoughts in his head for the past few weeks feel more like the right ideas. "What if I retire?"
"What?"
Sam took a deep breath. "I've been doing this a long time, son. I'm tired. There are days I just want to rip this whole place down and disappear with you and your Mom and avoid demons and hunters for the rest of our lives."
"That would never happen even if you did."
"I know, I'm just saying. But if you want me to stop, Michael... I will."
Michael laughed a bit. "Dad, I know you. You won't ever stop."
"No, you're right. I wouldn't stop completely." He gave his son a soft look. "But if it would make you feel better about me, I'll stop going any unnecessary hunts. Take more vacations. Let you run the place a bit more. Your mother will probably take up my attention for awhile as it is..."
"... you're really serious about this."
"Don't look so shocked," Sam laughed.
"Dad, you've been hunting for centuries. And you're going to give it up just like that?"
He nodded. "If that is what I need to do for my family, then yes. Without a moment's hesitation or regret." He looked down at Michael. "You and your mother mean the world to me. Without either of you, I don't have a reason to be here. I think it's time I return my focus to what's most important... my family."
Michael watched his father a moment, and then gave a small smile. "Thank you."
Sam smiled back and leaned down to kiss his son's forehead. "Don't thank me yet. It's been centuries since I tried the non-hunting life. We'll see how well I handle this withdrawal."
"Don't worry. I'll be here to help you."
Michael turned and looked out the window again and Sam sighed and just held his son again, hoping that he was making the right decision and that he had given his son enough strength to fly on his own in this world.
But as he walked back into the penthouse and saw his son standing at the office window looking out at the city, a part of his heart broke. Michael was standing exactly how Sam stood when he was faced with horrible thoughts and unable to process them - forehead pressed to the always cool glass, staring at the dots of people moving and not trying to let the thoughts in his head crash over him.
Taking a deep breath, he moved silently behind his son and just let his arms come down on Michael's shoulders, and them gently pulled him back against his chest. They both stared out the window together, not speaking. The only thing that shifted was Michael's hand which eventually reached up to hold his father's.
"It will eventually be alright, son," he said softly after awhile, resting his chin on the top of Michael's head. "The most important thing is that she's back, and trying to remember. We have all the time in the world to give her, so don't let this break you too."
"I'm trying not to... but when she looks at me, it's like she's looking at a stranger."
"But she knows you're not. And she will get through the walls because that love she has for you is that strong. Never doubt that."
"I just want her back the way she was."
Sam took a deep breath at that and closed his eyes. "So do I. But she never will be, not really. But that doesn't mean our love for her will change. It just gives us reason to love her more and support her however we can through this."
"And if she never remembers me again?" Michael turned to look at his father, trying to keep the stoic Winchester face that Sam hated to see his son wear now. "What do I do then, Dad?"
"Never is a length of time I can't measure anymore," he said softly. "But what you will do is hold onto your memories of her tighter so that you can remind her of them and they won't get lost in the passage of time." He pulled his son close and just held him. "And I will always be here for you."
"Until the demons take you away from me too..."
Sam pulled back at that and stared his son in the eyes. "Michael..."
"I don't think I can do this... Mom can't remember me, and you take stupid chances that are going to get you killed. It's like the demons are trying to punish me now."
He could see the pain in his son's eyes and it ripped at him. It also made the thoughts in his head for the past few weeks feel more like the right ideas. "What if I retire?"
"What?"
Sam took a deep breath. "I've been doing this a long time, son. I'm tired. There are days I just want to rip this whole place down and disappear with you and your Mom and avoid demons and hunters for the rest of our lives."
"That would never happen even if you did."
"I know, I'm just saying. But if you want me to stop, Michael... I will."
Michael laughed a bit. "Dad, I know you. You won't ever stop."
"No, you're right. I wouldn't stop completely." He gave his son a soft look. "But if it would make you feel better about me, I'll stop going any unnecessary hunts. Take more vacations. Let you run the place a bit more. Your mother will probably take up my attention for awhile as it is..."
"... you're really serious about this."
"Don't look so shocked," Sam laughed.
"Dad, you've been hunting for centuries. And you're going to give it up just like that?"
He nodded. "If that is what I need to do for my family, then yes. Without a moment's hesitation or regret." He looked down at Michael. "You and your mother mean the world to me. Without either of you, I don't have a reason to be here. I think it's time I return my focus to what's most important... my family."
Michael watched his father a moment, and then gave a small smile. "Thank you."
Sam smiled back and leaned down to kiss his son's forehead. "Don't thank me yet. It's been centuries since I tried the non-hunting life. We'll see how well I handle this withdrawal."
"Don't worry. I'll be here to help you."
Michael turned and looked out the window again and Sam sighed and just held his son again, hoping that he was making the right decision and that he had given his son enough strength to fly on his own in this world.