Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2009-10-26 07:41 pm
likely_evil) wrote2009-10-26 07:41 pm
"Sam didn't die in Detroit..."
“Lie to me."
It was a rat infested motel that Sam found himself in on November 2nd, 2012. He was twenty nine now, and it was seven years since Jess had died. Over three since Lucifer was set free. Since Dean told Sam they were better off apart and goodbye. And now it was three months since Sam had found Bobby dead in his wheelchair and buried him.
Sam couldn't even find his brother if he tried. The cell towers were one of the first things to go in the apocalypse. He didn't dare go near a hunter cell now - what was left after the Croats knew exactly who he was and either wanted to kill him... or worse. Even Ellen and Jo had told him to hit the highway.
Sorry Sam, but you're poison. You want to do us a favor? Stay far away from us.
Fat chance that did. The next day Jo wandered in, covered in blood and her eyes were black as night. Sam was barely able to exorcise the demon out, and Jo was already dead in his arms. Two more graves, and that was the night Sam fell off the wagon and started to drink heavily again.
He was deep in Croat territory. He was immune to them, and it gave him something to do when he was bored. Bobby would have found great amusement seeing Sam sitting on the front stoop of his motel; shotgun in one hand, vodka in the other, and waiting for the Croats to come so he could keep up with his target practice.
But after awhile, even they stopped coming around. The streets were quiet with not a soul for weeks now - human, Croat or demon. Just him and whatever food and alcohol he was able to find. Canned food really did last a long time, after all.
After every levee of Sam's had broken, the dream would come. Lucifer, coming to caress his cheek and tell him that he could end it all with just a simple word. The last few times, Sam would just lie to himself and let Lucifer hold him for awhile in whatever guise he was in. It had been so long since someone wanted Sam, and he just needed to be wanted.
Bobby was the final break, but Lucifer didn't come right away. He let Sam stew in his loneliness. Eradicated the Croats to leave Sam abandoned. Alone. Waited as the calender changed another page and then found Sam sitting in the chair with his bottle almost empty, just staring at the wallpaper. Days since he had shaved. Dirty. Broken, just the way Lucifer wanted him.
Sam. He came as Jessica again, knowing it was that day and how it would affect him. He watched as Sam's face scrunched up in pain and tears slid down his cheeks. Sam, it's time. You can't keep going on like this. Let me help you.
"Help me?" The broken laugh echoed in the room. He didn't even turn, couldn't face looking into his lover's eyes. "You've taken everything from me! How is that helping me?"
I never took from you, Sam. It has hurt me to watch you hurt. This is not the life that I would want you to live. You deserve better.
"I had better until you showed up."
You are the one who set me free, Sam. That was your choice. I did not ask you to, and you cannot blame me for wanting to be free. I have nothing but thanks to you for that.
"What about Ellen, and Jo, and Bobby? Huh? Your demons killed them!"
I do not control all demons, Sam. Their deaths were ones I could not prevent.
Sam was quiet, looking down at his bottle. There was a gun on the floor, and as Lucifer walked around the chair to look at Sam, the light from the street reflected the spot where there had been a hole in his chest and the blood stains that were drying on the skin.
"Why won't you just let me die too?"
Kneeling in front of Sam, Lucifer raised a hand to run along his cheek. Because I need you Sam. Without you, I cannot heal this broken world.
"I don't care about the world. It's already gone to hell. I just..."
You don't want to be alone.
"Everyone is dead. And yet here I am."
I told you once, Sam, that your past will always catch up to you. It caught up a long time ago. And because of that, all the people closest to you have died.
"This your big motivational speech? 'You've got no one else to live for, Sammy, so let me in?'" Sam shook his head. "Go back to hell."
Dean's alive.
Sam whipped his head up to look at Lucifer. "What?"
Your brother is alive and well... well, as much as he can be. And he hasn't looked for you at all, Sam. He made himself stop caring about you. The only one left, and he doesn't even want you...
"Stop..." Sam got up, moving away from Lucifer towards the kitchen.
Sam, he won't win. Not the way he's fighting. Sooner or later, I will have to destroy him. But I haven't yet because of you.
Hazel eyes turned to look at him carefully. "What do you mean?"
I can give you back your brother, Sam. Take you to him. Let him see you one more time. And then, I can give you the peace you desire.
Sam shook his head, fighting back the tears. "No."
Lucifer stood up, walking over to him carefully. You want to go back to a time where you were helping, Sam. I want to bring back this beautiful garden. Make this world alive again. I need you to help me, Sam. And I will give it all to you.
Sam was quiet for a long time, and didn't move even as Lucifer reached him and wrapped his Jess-like arms around him from behind, resting her head on his back. "You'll let me see Dean again?"
Lucifer knew what was going through Sam's mind. He knew Sam better than the boy knew himself. Sam believed that if Dean saw Lucifer in Sam, Dean would say yes to Michael in return and have the archangel strike him down. A holy sacrifice for the better good.
He kissed Sam's bare back and brought one hand up to run through his hair. Sam did not know that the angels had given up on Dean. They had given up this garden to him, and he just needed to be able to tend to it. To nurture it. And to give it to the beautiful vessel before him.
Of course. I know where he is, and I will take you to him immediately.
"Only if I say yes?"
That's part of the deal, Sam. I will never lie to you.
Sam closed his eyes, and the glass bottle of vodka slipped through his fingers to crash to the ground, shattering. He leaned his head back, taking one look towards heaven, and Lucifer could hear the sweet prayer of forgiveness towards a God that no longer cared.
"... yes."
It was a rat infested motel that Sam found himself in on November 2nd, 2012. He was twenty nine now, and it was seven years since Jess had died. Over three since Lucifer was set free. Since Dean told Sam they were better off apart and goodbye. And now it was three months since Sam had found Bobby dead in his wheelchair and buried him.
Sam couldn't even find his brother if he tried. The cell towers were one of the first things to go in the apocalypse. He didn't dare go near a hunter cell now - what was left after the Croats knew exactly who he was and either wanted to kill him... or worse. Even Ellen and Jo had told him to hit the highway.
Sorry Sam, but you're poison. You want to do us a favor? Stay far away from us.
Fat chance that did. The next day Jo wandered in, covered in blood and her eyes were black as night. Sam was barely able to exorcise the demon out, and Jo was already dead in his arms. Two more graves, and that was the night Sam fell off the wagon and started to drink heavily again.
He was deep in Croat territory. He was immune to them, and it gave him something to do when he was bored. Bobby would have found great amusement seeing Sam sitting on the front stoop of his motel; shotgun in one hand, vodka in the other, and waiting for the Croats to come so he could keep up with his target practice.
But after awhile, even they stopped coming around. The streets were quiet with not a soul for weeks now - human, Croat or demon. Just him and whatever food and alcohol he was able to find. Canned food really did last a long time, after all.
After every levee of Sam's had broken, the dream would come. Lucifer, coming to caress his cheek and tell him that he could end it all with just a simple word. The last few times, Sam would just lie to himself and let Lucifer hold him for awhile in whatever guise he was in. It had been so long since someone wanted Sam, and he just needed to be wanted.
Bobby was the final break, but Lucifer didn't come right away. He let Sam stew in his loneliness. Eradicated the Croats to leave Sam abandoned. Alone. Waited as the calender changed another page and then found Sam sitting in the chair with his bottle almost empty, just staring at the wallpaper. Days since he had shaved. Dirty. Broken, just the way Lucifer wanted him.
Sam. He came as Jessica again, knowing it was that day and how it would affect him. He watched as Sam's face scrunched up in pain and tears slid down his cheeks. Sam, it's time. You can't keep going on like this. Let me help you.
"Help me?" The broken laugh echoed in the room. He didn't even turn, couldn't face looking into his lover's eyes. "You've taken everything from me! How is that helping me?"
I never took from you, Sam. It has hurt me to watch you hurt. This is not the life that I would want you to live. You deserve better.
"I had better until you showed up."
You are the one who set me free, Sam. That was your choice. I did not ask you to, and you cannot blame me for wanting to be free. I have nothing but thanks to you for that.
"What about Ellen, and Jo, and Bobby? Huh? Your demons killed them!"
I do not control all demons, Sam. Their deaths were ones I could not prevent.
Sam was quiet, looking down at his bottle. There was a gun on the floor, and as Lucifer walked around the chair to look at Sam, the light from the street reflected the spot where there had been a hole in his chest and the blood stains that were drying on the skin.
"Why won't you just let me die too?"
Kneeling in front of Sam, Lucifer raised a hand to run along his cheek. Because I need you Sam. Without you, I cannot heal this broken world.
"I don't care about the world. It's already gone to hell. I just..."
You don't want to be alone.
"Everyone is dead. And yet here I am."
I told you once, Sam, that your past will always catch up to you. It caught up a long time ago. And because of that, all the people closest to you have died.
"This your big motivational speech? 'You've got no one else to live for, Sammy, so let me in?'" Sam shook his head. "Go back to hell."
Dean's alive.
Sam whipped his head up to look at Lucifer. "What?"
Your brother is alive and well... well, as much as he can be. And he hasn't looked for you at all, Sam. He made himself stop caring about you. The only one left, and he doesn't even want you...
"Stop..." Sam got up, moving away from Lucifer towards the kitchen.
Sam, he won't win. Not the way he's fighting. Sooner or later, I will have to destroy him. But I haven't yet because of you.
Hazel eyes turned to look at him carefully. "What do you mean?"
I can give you back your brother, Sam. Take you to him. Let him see you one more time. And then, I can give you the peace you desire.
Sam shook his head, fighting back the tears. "No."
Lucifer stood up, walking over to him carefully. You want to go back to a time where you were helping, Sam. I want to bring back this beautiful garden. Make this world alive again. I need you to help me, Sam. And I will give it all to you.
Sam was quiet for a long time, and didn't move even as Lucifer reached him and wrapped his Jess-like arms around him from behind, resting her head on his back. "You'll let me see Dean again?"
Lucifer knew what was going through Sam's mind. He knew Sam better than the boy knew himself. Sam believed that if Dean saw Lucifer in Sam, Dean would say yes to Michael in return and have the archangel strike him down. A holy sacrifice for the better good.
He kissed Sam's bare back and brought one hand up to run through his hair. Sam did not know that the angels had given up on Dean. They had given up this garden to him, and he just needed to be able to tend to it. To nurture it. And to give it to the beautiful vessel before him.
Of course. I know where he is, and I will take you to him immediately.
"Only if I say yes?"
That's part of the deal, Sam. I will never lie to you.
Sam closed his eyes, and the glass bottle of vodka slipped through his fingers to crash to the ground, shattering. He leaned his head back, taking one look towards heaven, and Lucifer could hear the sweet prayer of forgiveness towards a God that no longer cared.
"... yes."