Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2009-10-17 09:26 pm
likely_evil) wrote2009-10-17 09:26 pm
Entry tags:
And I find I can't hide... From your eyes...
ooc: detective verse - a bit in the future from now...
Dinner was over, Ford had been walked, and now Sam and Jo were on the couch, watching a movie. Days and now weeks were going by and Sam was starting to look better. Almost two months clean and well fed, the bones weren't showing as much in Sam's face and body. His hair was still long, but cut now and looking healthier. Nails and skin... he still had months of work to do to look healthy again, but he was on the right track.
There was still secrets though. Sam was on a vitamin regiment and he hid his medication in the pillbox so she wouldn't find the bottle. He was careful and always made sure if he got even a cut that he wiped down every surfaced he might have touched while bleeding. And while he knew the disease wasn't harmful to Ford, he still shyed away when the puppy wanted to really start playing rough. And that was the top of the list of things Sam didn't want to talk about.
Things were changing too between him and Jo. Old feelings were coming up in his head and he knew it. He tried to hide it, but he wasn't sure... but he felt that Jo was starting to feel it again. And while it made them a lot more comfortable with each other, it was this... elephant in the room that neither of them dared to go near.
Tonight they were watching RENT, which Sam hadn't realized centered around the love life of a group of friends, including a recovering heroin addict named Roger. He also hadn't realized just how involved he had gotten into the movie when at the end, as Mimi came back to life, Sam felt tears starting to stream down his face.
One drop fell on Jo's cheek and she looked up, then sat up. "Are you crying, Winchester?"
Quickly, Sam wiped at his face. "No, just dry in here, that's all."
Jo smiled, reaching over to brush a tear away. "Liar. What's wrong?"
"It's just... ok, so Roger is a recovering addict and he's like me. Afraid to keep going. But his friends won't let him give up, and then Mimi is there..."
"And he realizes that he can have love again?"
Sam nodded. "Yeah. Something like that."
Jo shifted a moment, then shifted so that she was sitting in Sam's lap, forcing him to look at her. "Sam, you're not dead or dying. You've got your second chance, and you're going to get all those things. You just have to want them and go for them."
He tried to shake his head and look away, but Jo grabbed his chin to make him keep looking at her. "Don't turn off on me, Winchester. You've been doing this for weeks now; start to open up, then hide away before you talk about what's on your mind. And I've been good on not calling you on it but Sam, you need to tell me what's going on in that head of yours." Her fingers from her free hand ran through his hair. "You need to start talking. About something other than your failures. You're so much more than that. I want to help you remember that."
"How can I talk about anything else? I am a failure!" He tried to move away but Jo shifted herself to fully straddle him and lock him in place.
"No, you're not. You've just had a bad few years but you are not a failure." She glared at him, locking his eyes. "You really think I'd have invited you in if I didn't think you could overcome this, Sam? I'm your friend, but I'm also not stupid. And I know you and you are the furthest thing from a failure. You need to start believing that."
"I can't."
"You can, Sam. You just need to have faith in yourself," she said softly. "I know I do."
He licked his lips, and then his arms carefully wrapped around her hips. "Jo... I..."
"It's ok, Sam. I'm here for you. You just need to ask."
Perhaps it was the movie, or the old feelings from high school, or just the fact she was in his lap against him like that; but whatever it was, Sam couldn't deny it any longer and he pulled her closer as he leaned in to kiss her. Jo startled for a moment, eyes wide before she melted against him, her hands coming up to hold the back of his head to keep him close. Slowly she moved her hips closer and closer, her hips slowly moving against his as she felt him react.
It took him a few minutes before he had to pull back, gasping for air while moaning at the feelings she was starting to raise in him. "Jo... I can't do this..."
She leaned in and kissed his neck before resting her cheek against his shoulder. "What if I want you too?"
"I can't. I... I have hep."
Jo stopped and sat up, looking down at him. "You have... which one?"
Sam looked away. "C. The doctors found it when I was admitted. I've been doing treatments for two months now."
"Why didn't you..."
"I didn't want you to know. Cas only knows because he pays for the medication for me. And I don't... I've been careful because I don't want to risk anyone getting it from me."
She ran a hand along the back of his head. "I know. But Sam, I work a beat. I know the disease, probably better than you do. It's rare that you can spread it any way but blood contact or by needles."
"I'm not going to risk you, even if it's rare."
She smiled softly, then leaned in to kiss at his neck, making Sam close his eyes. "Then we'll just take it slow, Sam. We don't have to go all the way just yet. And it's not like we haven't been this far along before. I missed it... with you."
Her breath on his neck made him shiver as his fingers tightened on her hips. "I don't want to hurt you, Jo..."
"I know you won't. You could never hurt me. And right now, I could beat you up with my pinkie." She chuckled and snuggled closer. "But we both want this, Sam. You don't have to punish yourself and deny it. Please."
He turned his head to look at her, and one hand went to push a few strands of hair behind her ear. "Are you sure?"
"I was sure that day behind the bleachers, and I'm still sure now." She leaned down to kiss him. "You're mine now, Sam Winchester. Don't you forget that."
A small smile came to Sam's lips and he shifted so that he could face her as he kissed her back, keeping her close as he swore to himself that if nothing else, he would keep fighting on getting himself back to normal just so he could have this for as long as Jo was willing to keep him.
Dinner was over, Ford had been walked, and now Sam and Jo were on the couch, watching a movie. Days and now weeks were going by and Sam was starting to look better. Almost two months clean and well fed, the bones weren't showing as much in Sam's face and body. His hair was still long, but cut now and looking healthier. Nails and skin... he still had months of work to do to look healthy again, but he was on the right track.
There was still secrets though. Sam was on a vitamin regiment and he hid his medication in the pillbox so she wouldn't find the bottle. He was careful and always made sure if he got even a cut that he wiped down every surfaced he might have touched while bleeding. And while he knew the disease wasn't harmful to Ford, he still shyed away when the puppy wanted to really start playing rough. And that was the top of the list of things Sam didn't want to talk about.
Things were changing too between him and Jo. Old feelings were coming up in his head and he knew it. He tried to hide it, but he wasn't sure... but he felt that Jo was starting to feel it again. And while it made them a lot more comfortable with each other, it was this... elephant in the room that neither of them dared to go near.
Tonight they were watching RENT, which Sam hadn't realized centered around the love life of a group of friends, including a recovering heroin addict named Roger. He also hadn't realized just how involved he had gotten into the movie when at the end, as Mimi came back to life, Sam felt tears starting to stream down his face.
One drop fell on Jo's cheek and she looked up, then sat up. "Are you crying, Winchester?"
Quickly, Sam wiped at his face. "No, just dry in here, that's all."
Jo smiled, reaching over to brush a tear away. "Liar. What's wrong?"
"It's just... ok, so Roger is a recovering addict and he's like me. Afraid to keep going. But his friends won't let him give up, and then Mimi is there..."
"And he realizes that he can have love again?"
Sam nodded. "Yeah. Something like that."
Jo shifted a moment, then shifted so that she was sitting in Sam's lap, forcing him to look at her. "Sam, you're not dead or dying. You've got your second chance, and you're going to get all those things. You just have to want them and go for them."
He tried to shake his head and look away, but Jo grabbed his chin to make him keep looking at her. "Don't turn off on me, Winchester. You've been doing this for weeks now; start to open up, then hide away before you talk about what's on your mind. And I've been good on not calling you on it but Sam, you need to tell me what's going on in that head of yours." Her fingers from her free hand ran through his hair. "You need to start talking. About something other than your failures. You're so much more than that. I want to help you remember that."
"How can I talk about anything else? I am a failure!" He tried to move away but Jo shifted herself to fully straddle him and lock him in place.
"No, you're not. You've just had a bad few years but you are not a failure." She glared at him, locking his eyes. "You really think I'd have invited you in if I didn't think you could overcome this, Sam? I'm your friend, but I'm also not stupid. And I know you and you are the furthest thing from a failure. You need to start believing that."
"I can't."
"You can, Sam. You just need to have faith in yourself," she said softly. "I know I do."
He licked his lips, and then his arms carefully wrapped around her hips. "Jo... I..."
"It's ok, Sam. I'm here for you. You just need to ask."
Perhaps it was the movie, or the old feelings from high school, or just the fact she was in his lap against him like that; but whatever it was, Sam couldn't deny it any longer and he pulled her closer as he leaned in to kiss her. Jo startled for a moment, eyes wide before she melted against him, her hands coming up to hold the back of his head to keep him close. Slowly she moved her hips closer and closer, her hips slowly moving against his as she felt him react.
It took him a few minutes before he had to pull back, gasping for air while moaning at the feelings she was starting to raise in him. "Jo... I can't do this..."
She leaned in and kissed his neck before resting her cheek against his shoulder. "What if I want you too?"
"I can't. I... I have hep."
Jo stopped and sat up, looking down at him. "You have... which one?"
Sam looked away. "C. The doctors found it when I was admitted. I've been doing treatments for two months now."
"Why didn't you..."
"I didn't want you to know. Cas only knows because he pays for the medication for me. And I don't... I've been careful because I don't want to risk anyone getting it from me."
She ran a hand along the back of his head. "I know. But Sam, I work a beat. I know the disease, probably better than you do. It's rare that you can spread it any way but blood contact or by needles."
"I'm not going to risk you, even if it's rare."
She smiled softly, then leaned in to kiss at his neck, making Sam close his eyes. "Then we'll just take it slow, Sam. We don't have to go all the way just yet. And it's not like we haven't been this far along before. I missed it... with you."
Her breath on his neck made him shiver as his fingers tightened on her hips. "I don't want to hurt you, Jo..."
"I know you won't. You could never hurt me. And right now, I could beat you up with my pinkie." She chuckled and snuggled closer. "But we both want this, Sam. You don't have to punish yourself and deny it. Please."
He turned his head to look at her, and one hand went to push a few strands of hair behind her ear. "Are you sure?"
"I was sure that day behind the bleachers, and I'm still sure now." She leaned down to kiss him. "You're mine now, Sam Winchester. Don't you forget that."
A small smile came to Sam's lips and he shifted so that he could face her as he kissed her back, keeping her close as he swore to himself that if nothing else, he would keep fighting on getting himself back to normal just so he could have this for as long as Jo was willing to keep him.