Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2009-10-10 12:07 am
likely_evil) wrote2009-10-10 12:07 am
In Which the Addict is Let Out
All elephants are gray, but not all gray things are elephants. -Bones, Lance Sweets
Sam was quiet, waiting in the lobby with his hands in the huge pocket in front of the hoodie. A starved puppy in huge clothes, as one of the nurses had described him as they passed by. He tilted his head just enough so that he could hide behind his bangs and not have to see their faces.
He knew what they thought of him. Just another addict who threw his life away for a quick high. He had seen those looks for the past five years, and he was sick of them - because they were right. He had thrown everything away, and now his brother was somewhere paying for it all. It wasn't fair, and Sam wished to God he could change it all.
Boney fingers played with a pill bottle, the first month of a six month regiment. They said he had been lucky; caught it early on and can be fixed. Nothing major or irreversible. But still, it was a serious disease and he should have known better. He did know better and how this had happened he could only blame on the things he did while he was high.
Just thinking about it made him twitch and his foot start to bounce as he looked again at the clock, then the door. He needed to get out of this place. They were trying to help him but it was over two weeks now and he was going crazy just sitting there doing nothing but being told to talk about his feelings and not to puke back up his breakfast because he needed to put some meat on his bones.
Sam was about to get up and go find the phone again when the door opened and Detective Devine walked in in what Sam knew as off-duty clothes. He saw Sam and walked over, concern in his eyes. "Sam, what's wrong?"
"I checked myself out. You... you said I could stay at your place. I was hoping..."
Cas nodded. "Of course. Are you sure you are ready to leave?"
"Hell yes."
The nurse at the desk nodded to the detective as Cas looked past Sam for approval. He motioned with his head for Sam to follow him. "Then let's get you out of here."
The car ride was pretty quiet. Sam just stared out the window, and Cas had given up on trying to converse with the young man and settled for the soothing music on the radio.
"Is Jo your partner now?"
"You mean Detective Harvelle?" Cas looked over quickly at Sam who was watching the detective through the reflection of the glass. "She has been assigned as my partner until your brother is found. She is new, but has promise."
"I grew up with her," Sam stated. "Until her mother said we couldn't come around anymore. When she found out that I was in high school with her, she forbid Jo to talk to me."
"I've tried to get her to speak with you when I visited each night."
Sam shook his head, one hand playing with the window's edge. "She won't. Not after..."
There was a pause before Cas looked at his young charge again. "After what?"
He shook his head, then leaned against the door. "Doesn't matter. It was a mistake and I can't take it back."
After that, Sam was back to being quiet until they pulled up to Cas' house. He showed Sam inside, and the taller man looked around in confusion. "Did you realize you had bought a do it yourself before or after you signed the papers?" he asked with a smirk.
"I find the work cathartic after a day of work." Walking into the kitchen, Cas grabbed a sanding pad and tossed it at Sam. "And if you want to stay here, you will have to earn your keep."
An eyebrow went up. "Earn?"
"Here's the deal. Eat what I feed you, stay inside and work on the house while I'm on duty, and you can stay here as long as you want." Cas walked over and looked up at Sam, not intimidated by the man's height since he looked like a twig that was ready to break. "However, if you take advantage of me, or I find evidence that you are using, and I will find you a nice rehab facility to check you into. Got it?"
Sam licked his lips, then nodded. "Yes."
"Good." Sighing, Cas turned back to the kitchen. "However, let's eat something first. I think I still have some leftover Chinese in here. You like lo mien?"
That night, Sam lay on the foldout couch, staring at the ceiling. Not once had the detective asked him questions about Alistair or his past. It was mainly small talk, getting to know each other while working on fixing up the house. There was no pressure to talk, not expectations to live up to. Sam was just about to be himself, and didn't have to worry about what he said or did.
His fingers wrapped around the medicine bottle and he turned it over in his hands. Six months. A pill a day to remind him of his past mistakes. If he finished this bottle, he would be a step closer to the boy that Jo had kissed under the bleachers all those years ago. Closer to being able to forgive Dean and be his brother again. To forgive himself for what he had ruined in his own life.
Maybe then he could stop being the nameless addict, and once again be Sam Winchester.
It was a goal to aim for. He just hoped that he was able to stick to it.
Sam was quiet, waiting in the lobby with his hands in the huge pocket in front of the hoodie. A starved puppy in huge clothes, as one of the nurses had described him as they passed by. He tilted his head just enough so that he could hide behind his bangs and not have to see their faces.
He knew what they thought of him. Just another addict who threw his life away for a quick high. He had seen those looks for the past five years, and he was sick of them - because they were right. He had thrown everything away, and now his brother was somewhere paying for it all. It wasn't fair, and Sam wished to God he could change it all.
Boney fingers played with a pill bottle, the first month of a six month regiment. They said he had been lucky; caught it early on and can be fixed. Nothing major or irreversible. But still, it was a serious disease and he should have known better. He did know better and how this had happened he could only blame on the things he did while he was high.
Just thinking about it made him twitch and his foot start to bounce as he looked again at the clock, then the door. He needed to get out of this place. They were trying to help him but it was over two weeks now and he was going crazy just sitting there doing nothing but being told to talk about his feelings and not to puke back up his breakfast because he needed to put some meat on his bones.
Sam was about to get up and go find the phone again when the door opened and Detective Devine walked in in what Sam knew as off-duty clothes. He saw Sam and walked over, concern in his eyes. "Sam, what's wrong?"
"I checked myself out. You... you said I could stay at your place. I was hoping..."
Cas nodded. "Of course. Are you sure you are ready to leave?"
"Hell yes."
The nurse at the desk nodded to the detective as Cas looked past Sam for approval. He motioned with his head for Sam to follow him. "Then let's get you out of here."
The car ride was pretty quiet. Sam just stared out the window, and Cas had given up on trying to converse with the young man and settled for the soothing music on the radio.
"Is Jo your partner now?"
"You mean Detective Harvelle?" Cas looked over quickly at Sam who was watching the detective through the reflection of the glass. "She has been assigned as my partner until your brother is found. She is new, but has promise."
"I grew up with her," Sam stated. "Until her mother said we couldn't come around anymore. When she found out that I was in high school with her, she forbid Jo to talk to me."
"I've tried to get her to speak with you when I visited each night."
Sam shook his head, one hand playing with the window's edge. "She won't. Not after..."
There was a pause before Cas looked at his young charge again. "After what?"
He shook his head, then leaned against the door. "Doesn't matter. It was a mistake and I can't take it back."
After that, Sam was back to being quiet until they pulled up to Cas' house. He showed Sam inside, and the taller man looked around in confusion. "Did you realize you had bought a do it yourself before or after you signed the papers?" he asked with a smirk.
"I find the work cathartic after a day of work." Walking into the kitchen, Cas grabbed a sanding pad and tossed it at Sam. "And if you want to stay here, you will have to earn your keep."
An eyebrow went up. "Earn?"
"Here's the deal. Eat what I feed you, stay inside and work on the house while I'm on duty, and you can stay here as long as you want." Cas walked over and looked up at Sam, not intimidated by the man's height since he looked like a twig that was ready to break. "However, if you take advantage of me, or I find evidence that you are using, and I will find you a nice rehab facility to check you into. Got it?"
Sam licked his lips, then nodded. "Yes."
"Good." Sighing, Cas turned back to the kitchen. "However, let's eat something first. I think I still have some leftover Chinese in here. You like lo mien?"
That night, Sam lay on the foldout couch, staring at the ceiling. Not once had the detective asked him questions about Alistair or his past. It was mainly small talk, getting to know each other while working on fixing up the house. There was no pressure to talk, not expectations to live up to. Sam was just about to be himself, and didn't have to worry about what he said or did.
His fingers wrapped around the medicine bottle and he turned it over in his hands. Six months. A pill a day to remind him of his past mistakes. If he finished this bottle, he would be a step closer to the boy that Jo had kissed under the bleachers all those years ago. Closer to being able to forgive Dean and be his brother again. To forgive himself for what he had ruined in his own life.
Maybe then he could stop being the nameless addict, and once again be Sam Winchester.
It was a goal to aim for. He just hoped that he was able to stick to it.