likely_evil | mind_the_muse: I used to think...

[locked from Dean]

"...all I know is that they scare the holy hell out of me. Watch yourself, Sam."
"I'm not scared of angels..."
- exchange between Ruby and Sam

I used to think angels existed. Two years ago we stood in a church, and I thought I saw one. I believed that I had been given a quest from god to stop someone before they hurt another. Before my powers... before I died. I wanted to believe in them so badly I was almost blinded by my faith during that trip.

But there was someone who I believed in more.

Dean.

Dean didn't believe in them, and he eventually proved to me that the thing I had seen was not an angel, but instead the spirit of a priest that believed he was one. And even after that, I still believed in angels.

And now Dean is telling me that the thing that brought him back was an angel. Something that he doesn't believe in and wants me to theorize for him as being something else. Or, in his own way, wants me to convince him why God would want to save him.

How do I convince him of that? How the hell can I convince him of that when I don't even know why myself? And so far, I'm the only one it seems who hasn't even seen this angel, but he's been around twice now and Bobby has even seen him.

Ruby warned me to watch my back, and I can tell from her eyes that she was afraid. Ruby is never afraid, but she was now. And it was for me.

I want to believe that God saved my brother so badly. It makes sense because he's a good man and didn't deserve to die, least of all for me. And it brings proof to something that I've always believed in as a child and never had any real reason to beyond blind faith.

And yet... I'm afraid.

Not of the angel...

I'm afraid of what God is going to do to me.