Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likely_evil) wrote2009-04-15 10:44 am
likely_evil) wrote2009-04-15 10:44 am
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mad_muses: Moving On...
1) "There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, and who always will. So don't worry about the people in your past. There's a reason they didn't make it into your future." - Anonymous
Sam stood outside the elementary school, looking up at the building. It was huge, and there was a moment of fear in him. How would a small kid starting kindergarten manage to survive in this place? He'd get lost in a second and it could take days before he found his way out. And Sam hadn't even checked to see what kind of ghosts might haunt the place or put wards on the building and he sure as hell hadn't...
"Uncle Sam?"
Blinking, Sam looked down at the little boy holding his hand. There was a Batman lunchbox in his other hand. "Yeah, Johnny?"
"I'm scared."
Me too. Sam got on his knees in front of his nephew, checking the straps on his backpack. "You don't have to be afraid, kiddo. You're going to make a lot of friends here, and the teachers are really nice. And I'll be waiting for you the minute you get out."
"But I don't wanna go. I wanna stay home with you like we used to." Johnny's eyes were big, pouting. "I don't like school."
"Just yesterday you were excited about school."
"That was before we got here. Please, can we go home?"
Sam bit his lip, looking at the Impala. He could just put Johnny back in it and go; save school for another time when they were both ready. Instead, he shook his head. "Sorry, but you have to go. Trust me, I know it's scary. Anything that's new is very scary, especially when you have to do it on your own. But just give it a chance, and I promise you that you're going to like it."
"What if the kids make fun of me because I don't have a mommy or a daddy?"
"Hey, you do have a mommy and daddy," Sam stated.
"Susie said that I don't because they are dead, so they don't count."
"Johnny, you have a mommy and a daddy, and they both loved you very much. And now they are both watching over you from heaven." He ran a hand along Johnny's hair, realizing that he should have gotten it cut before the first day of school. "Sometimes kids will be mean, but you just ignore them because they don't know they are being mean."
Johnny looked at his uncle, then back at the school building. "You promise to be here when it's over?"
"Not only that, but you get to pick what we have for dinner tonight." Sam smiled and pulled his nephew into a hug as the bell rang. "Looks like it's time for you to get going. Be brave."
"I will." There was a rush of kids running inside, and Johnny started to join them, and soon he disappeared among the mass of kids, backpacks and lunch boxes.
It was just after lunchtime and Sam was sitting in the Impala, reading a book when there was a hand that patted the top of the car. His head lifted immediately, the book going to hide the concealed weapon that he did have a permit for.
"You know, sugah, dere are laws out'dere dat protect da young'uns from men in black cars watching dem for hours." Desiree leaned into the window, smiling. "And I don' think you're one of dose types, Sammy boy."
Sam chuckled. "I'm waiting for Johnny to finish class."
"Uh huh. And you been here since morning time, right?" She rested her arms on the windowsill, the wind blowing her skirt and hair as the scent of her sandalwood perfume tickled his nose. "Grandma Angeline figured you'd be doin' dis, and told me to be telling you it ain't healthy."
"I just wanna make sure his first day goes ok."
"And you don't be wanting dem bad things coming afta' him when he's not in your care." She sighed and reached in to run a hand along Sam's cheek affectionately. "He's safe dere, Sammy boy. Day's gonna come where you can't be dere, and he needs to stand for himself. These are da times which teach him dat."
Sam looked at the steering wheel, his hands tracing the pattern in the leather. "Maybe I'm not ready to let him go," he said softly. "He's all I got left, and I don't know what to do now that he's not around during the day."
There was a sly smile as she leaned into his window a bit, her lips inches from his skin. "Maybe dat means it's your turn to move on."
He turned just a bit to look at her, his eyes confused. "I have moved on."
"You say dat, Sammy boy, but have you?" She leaned back out of the window, standing up and holding her arms out, twirling in the wind. "Five years I known you now. Five years we play dis game and I'm getting tired of it. I look in yer eyes and all I see is death. Yer brother, yer girl: you keep dem in here." She pointed to her head.
"And what am I supposed to do, Desiree? Forget they existed?" Sam opened the car door, standing up and feeling just a bit angry.
"No, sugah, you keep dem in here." Her hands went above his heart as she looked up at them. "Never forget dem, but don't be letting their deaths take yer life as well, Sammy boy. You know dat dey both would be wanting you to continue living on. Johnny loves you and you doin' right by him. Now it time you do right by dem. Do right by you."
He looked down at her, and she saw the changes in his eyes as they happened in his mind. The realization of how he had been hiding away from himself. How he focused on doing everything for Johnny, and not letting himself want anything. Then he looked at her and she smiled, seeing that he was finally looking at her with his own eyes, and not clouded with the memories and ideas of living for others.
"Der you are, Sammy boy," she said softly, her hand reaching up to hold his cheeks. "Was wondering when I'd get to see da real you under all dat smoke."
His hands went up to grab her arms, pulling her close. "God, Desiree, I'm sorry. I didn't know..."
"Da fish does not know it is in da rapids until it finds da lake. You know now, and dat's all dat matters'ta me."
Smiling, Sam leaned down and kissed her gently, and felt her arms wrap around his neck as she pressed her body against his. He could feel her happiness radiate off her from the eagerness she kissed him back that he picked her up and twirled her around in the center of the road. She pulled her head back and laughed at the twirling until he set her back down.
"You got a few hours 'fore the young'un gets outta dere. You come to my place down da road, and I cook you some real soul food." She took his hand, leading him away.
"But the Impala..."
"Will be waitin' fer you and da boy when school's done."
He chuckled, then shook his head. He reached in quickly to get his keys, lock the door and roll up the window before chasing after the Creole woman who was dancing down the street to the music in her head.
A few hours later Sam was leaning against the Impala as Johnny ran out of the front door. He saw Sam across the street and gave his uncle a bright smile before running to him, leaping into Sam's arms.
"You won't believe what we did today, Uncle! We got ta draw and play with these huge blocks and I made a real castle and I'm only one of like six kids that knows my A B C's and Ms. Lewis is so proud of me and says you're a great uncle to be teaching me all of that." He was talking a mile a minute, and Sam couldn't help but smile as he heard the strains of a Louisianan accent starting to inflict on his speech patterns.
"Is that so?"
"Uh huh, and it wasn't scary at all like I thought. Can I come back tomorrow?"
Sam laughed. "Of course you can. You get to come back almost every day for thirteen years."
"SWEET!" Johnny opened the back door and started to crawl into his booster seat. "And I decided that I want to go to Grandma's for dinner because I want to tell her all about school. Can we go see Grandma, Uncle? Can we?"
"I'm sure she won't mind at all, and I will call her to let her know we're coming."
Sam got his nephew strapped in, and as he leaned back, Johnny wrinkled his nose. "Uncle Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"You smell weird."
Sam blinked. "What do you mean?"
"You smell like Miss Desiree's perfume."
Licking his lips, Sam did his best not to blush in front of his 5 year old nephew. "I went to go visit her while you were at school, and you know how strong her perfume is."
"Uh huh. But I like her a lot even if it stinks sometimes."
"I'm sure she appreciates that." Sam thought a moment, then knelt down to look Johnny in the eyes. "Hey, what would you think if she came over more often to spend time with me?"
Johnny tilted his head a moment like he was really thinking. "More than just cooking for us and playing with me?"
"Yeah."
Another moment of deep 5 year old thought, then he shrugged. "I don't mind. She's cool. Do you want her to come over and play more?"
"I think I do." Sam smiled a bit.
"Ok, then she can come over and play with you, but only if she keeps cooking for us and still plays with me."
Sam laughed and stood up. "I don't think that's going to stop any time soon, kiddo. Now let's go see your grandma." He closed the door, then turned his head to look down the street. Desiree was standing next to a tree, smiling at him. She waved, then turned and started back for home as Sam smiled back, then got into his car and started to head towards Angeline's.
Sam stood outside the elementary school, looking up at the building. It was huge, and there was a moment of fear in him. How would a small kid starting kindergarten manage to survive in this place? He'd get lost in a second and it could take days before he found his way out. And Sam hadn't even checked to see what kind of ghosts might haunt the place or put wards on the building and he sure as hell hadn't...
"Uncle Sam?"
Blinking, Sam looked down at the little boy holding his hand. There was a Batman lunchbox in his other hand. "Yeah, Johnny?"
"I'm scared."
Me too. Sam got on his knees in front of his nephew, checking the straps on his backpack. "You don't have to be afraid, kiddo. You're going to make a lot of friends here, and the teachers are really nice. And I'll be waiting for you the minute you get out."
"But I don't wanna go. I wanna stay home with you like we used to." Johnny's eyes were big, pouting. "I don't like school."
"Just yesterday you were excited about school."
"That was before we got here. Please, can we go home?"
Sam bit his lip, looking at the Impala. He could just put Johnny back in it and go; save school for another time when they were both ready. Instead, he shook his head. "Sorry, but you have to go. Trust me, I know it's scary. Anything that's new is very scary, especially when you have to do it on your own. But just give it a chance, and I promise you that you're going to like it."
"What if the kids make fun of me because I don't have a mommy or a daddy?"
"Hey, you do have a mommy and daddy," Sam stated.
"Susie said that I don't because they are dead, so they don't count."
"Johnny, you have a mommy and a daddy, and they both loved you very much. And now they are both watching over you from heaven." He ran a hand along Johnny's hair, realizing that he should have gotten it cut before the first day of school. "Sometimes kids will be mean, but you just ignore them because they don't know they are being mean."
Johnny looked at his uncle, then back at the school building. "You promise to be here when it's over?"
"Not only that, but you get to pick what we have for dinner tonight." Sam smiled and pulled his nephew into a hug as the bell rang. "Looks like it's time for you to get going. Be brave."
"I will." There was a rush of kids running inside, and Johnny started to join them, and soon he disappeared among the mass of kids, backpacks and lunch boxes.
It was just after lunchtime and Sam was sitting in the Impala, reading a book when there was a hand that patted the top of the car. His head lifted immediately, the book going to hide the concealed weapon that he did have a permit for.
"You know, sugah, dere are laws out'dere dat protect da young'uns from men in black cars watching dem for hours." Desiree leaned into the window, smiling. "And I don' think you're one of dose types, Sammy boy."
Sam chuckled. "I'm waiting for Johnny to finish class."
"Uh huh. And you been here since morning time, right?" She rested her arms on the windowsill, the wind blowing her skirt and hair as the scent of her sandalwood perfume tickled his nose. "Grandma Angeline figured you'd be doin' dis, and told me to be telling you it ain't healthy."
"I just wanna make sure his first day goes ok."
"And you don't be wanting dem bad things coming afta' him when he's not in your care." She sighed and reached in to run a hand along Sam's cheek affectionately. "He's safe dere, Sammy boy. Day's gonna come where you can't be dere, and he needs to stand for himself. These are da times which teach him dat."
Sam looked at the steering wheel, his hands tracing the pattern in the leather. "Maybe I'm not ready to let him go," he said softly. "He's all I got left, and I don't know what to do now that he's not around during the day."
There was a sly smile as she leaned into his window a bit, her lips inches from his skin. "Maybe dat means it's your turn to move on."
He turned just a bit to look at her, his eyes confused. "I have moved on."
"You say dat, Sammy boy, but have you?" She leaned back out of the window, standing up and holding her arms out, twirling in the wind. "Five years I known you now. Five years we play dis game and I'm getting tired of it. I look in yer eyes and all I see is death. Yer brother, yer girl: you keep dem in here." She pointed to her head.
"And what am I supposed to do, Desiree? Forget they existed?" Sam opened the car door, standing up and feeling just a bit angry.
"No, sugah, you keep dem in here." Her hands went above his heart as she looked up at them. "Never forget dem, but don't be letting their deaths take yer life as well, Sammy boy. You know dat dey both would be wanting you to continue living on. Johnny loves you and you doin' right by him. Now it time you do right by dem. Do right by you."
He looked down at her, and she saw the changes in his eyes as they happened in his mind. The realization of how he had been hiding away from himself. How he focused on doing everything for Johnny, and not letting himself want anything. Then he looked at her and she smiled, seeing that he was finally looking at her with his own eyes, and not clouded with the memories and ideas of living for others.
"Der you are, Sammy boy," she said softly, her hand reaching up to hold his cheeks. "Was wondering when I'd get to see da real you under all dat smoke."
His hands went up to grab her arms, pulling her close. "God, Desiree, I'm sorry. I didn't know..."
"Da fish does not know it is in da rapids until it finds da lake. You know now, and dat's all dat matters'ta me."
Smiling, Sam leaned down and kissed her gently, and felt her arms wrap around his neck as she pressed her body against his. He could feel her happiness radiate off her from the eagerness she kissed him back that he picked her up and twirled her around in the center of the road. She pulled her head back and laughed at the twirling until he set her back down.
"You got a few hours 'fore the young'un gets outta dere. You come to my place down da road, and I cook you some real soul food." She took his hand, leading him away.
"But the Impala..."
"Will be waitin' fer you and da boy when school's done."
He chuckled, then shook his head. He reached in quickly to get his keys, lock the door and roll up the window before chasing after the Creole woman who was dancing down the street to the music in her head.
A few hours later Sam was leaning against the Impala as Johnny ran out of the front door. He saw Sam across the street and gave his uncle a bright smile before running to him, leaping into Sam's arms.
"You won't believe what we did today, Uncle! We got ta draw and play with these huge blocks and I made a real castle and I'm only one of like six kids that knows my A B C's and Ms. Lewis is so proud of me and says you're a great uncle to be teaching me all of that." He was talking a mile a minute, and Sam couldn't help but smile as he heard the strains of a Louisianan accent starting to inflict on his speech patterns.
"Is that so?"
"Uh huh, and it wasn't scary at all like I thought. Can I come back tomorrow?"
Sam laughed. "Of course you can. You get to come back almost every day for thirteen years."
"SWEET!" Johnny opened the back door and started to crawl into his booster seat. "And I decided that I want to go to Grandma's for dinner because I want to tell her all about school. Can we go see Grandma, Uncle? Can we?"
"I'm sure she won't mind at all, and I will call her to let her know we're coming."
Sam got his nephew strapped in, and as he leaned back, Johnny wrinkled his nose. "Uncle Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"You smell weird."
Sam blinked. "What do you mean?"
"You smell like Miss Desiree's perfume."
Licking his lips, Sam did his best not to blush in front of his 5 year old nephew. "I went to go visit her while you were at school, and you know how strong her perfume is."
"Uh huh. But I like her a lot even if it stinks sometimes."
"I'm sure she appreciates that." Sam thought a moment, then knelt down to look Johnny in the eyes. "Hey, what would you think if she came over more often to spend time with me?"
Johnny tilted his head a moment like he was really thinking. "More than just cooking for us and playing with me?"
"Yeah."
Another moment of deep 5 year old thought, then he shrugged. "I don't mind. She's cool. Do you want her to come over and play more?"
"I think I do." Sam smiled a bit.
"Ok, then she can come over and play with you, but only if she keeps cooking for us and still plays with me."
Sam laughed and stood up. "I don't think that's going to stop any time soon, kiddo. Now let's go see your grandma." He closed the door, then turned his head to look down the street. Desiree was standing next to a tree, smiling at him. She waved, then turned and started back for home as Sam smiled back, then got into his car and started to head towards Angeline's.